I feel lonely ! Loneliness after a divorce

Loneliness after a divorce is one of the most felt emotions. I often hear “I feel lonely, how to manage loneliness after a divorce? ” Many things change after a divorce and learning to be alone is one of them. It is not a choice, it is a consequence of separation and you have to learn to deal with it. Today I’m going to give you tips for overcoming loneliness after separation.

I feel lonely!

When you spent 10 years, 20 years, 30 years with your spouse, often with children, everyday life was busy. I remember mine, between my husband, my 3 children, and my job, I dreamed of moments when I will be alone. To take care of myself, just for me, to stop thinking for a few hours about mine and their well-being. Except that it is good when it is chosen and it does not last.

After my divorce, I remember very well the first week when I found myself completely alone. We were on alternate duty, every other week. The first week when I had the children, I did not see it pass, 3 children that occupy the evenings well and once in bed, I enjoyed the calm returned and I watched a film, calm to relax. Then I brought the children back to their father’s for his week.

When I got home, I felt oppressed. I shouted in my big apartment “I feel alone! And there was an echo. There was no longer noise, a heavy silence, and an instantaneous void was created. And that’s when I realized that EVERYTHING was going to be different. That this week, I will be really alone. Really. More children, more spouses. It’s a lot to deal with at once.

This emptiness, the absence of the children as of the spouse then positions us in front of a cruel reality, loneliness. Now we sleep alone, now we eat alone, now we live alone.

Loneliness after separation

Loneliness will be experienced differently whether one is left or one has been left.

Loneliness when you have been left

When you have been left, you have to face an impressive number of emotions, the trauma of divorce, the feeling of having been abandoned, of having been betrayed sometimes, of having perhaps never been loved as we should have or as you would have believed and we are undergoing this unilateral decision which obliges us to leave our dreams of a life together, our plans for couple and family. Loneliness is imposed on us. That of no longer living alone, that of no longer being a couple, that of no longer sleeping in pairs, that of no longer thinking, acting in pairs.

The worst is when the other, his ex is already in a relationship and that for his part, loneliness does not exist but for you,it is a torture to know that the other lives in two, shares everything in two. So you MUST NOT THINK about that. Learn to focus on YOU and that on you is your main goal today. I feel alone is a feeling, not a reality. Overcoming your emotional dependence will also be part of the work to put in place to regain autonomy and self-esteem.

Anyway, you don’t even know if their so-called happiness is real and tell yourself that you know it, that you are the person who knows its faults, its weak points. That he passed from one couple to another without having done any work on him, that your marriage was a failure but that he learned nothing from it. There is a good chance that he will then repeat the same mistakes made with you. But YOU don’t. The work that you are going to do or that you already do now will allow you not only to manage your loneliness but also to come out of it bigger and stronger.

When you leave, loneliness also exists!

If you left your partner and you did not re-couple, loneliness will also weigh on you. You will also feel this emptiness, this absence, the lack of the other, the lack of your old life because as we say, we know what we lose, but we do not know what we will find.

Even if you know deep down that you have made the right choice, you may still be lonely. It’s up to you to put yourself back on the singles market. You will certainly take advantage of these moments to go out, take care of yourself, resume passions or neglected activities. And it’s really, really the best thing to do.

How to deal with loneliness after a divorce?

Here are 3 tips for escaping loneliness.

Tip # 1: Get out of your house!

When you don’t have your kids, plan your weekends and weeks so they are full and you don’t feel lonely. Go out with your friends, take up leisure or sports activities that you would have neglected and, meet new people! Nothing like to regain a taste for life. Your life has changed by force of circumstances, make sure that you now become the only master on board, take over the reins of your life and change your life! Do not stay locked up at home, you will mope. Air yourself! Also, learn to go out alone even if you have never done it. The cinema is a place where you can go alone without being judged.

Tip # 2: Restore self-confidence!

Self-esteem and confidence are sorely tested after separation or divorce. However, you are still the same person. The failure of a relationship should not be confused with one’s own identity. There is no amalgam to be made. To do this, you must reconnect with yourself. Find your values, become aware of your potential and your qualities. You are a good person who can be loved and loved again. Start by loving yourself. Love your image and if you don’t like it, modify it, sometimes a few pounds less, a little sport will help you reclaim your body and your image. Treat yourself by taking care of yourself. Anything that will make you feel good will allow you to shine. When you shine, you feel it and you attract interest, curiosity, envy.

Tip # 3: Choose your surroundings!

Flee from toxic people and relationships! You have certainly lost some of your friends with the divorce. Do not feel guilty. These “friends” were obviously not. Surround yourself with healthy people who want you good, who support you and who will help you evolve in your new life. Flee from girlfriends who, under the cover, of listening, only seeks to make you relive your past, they constantly question you about your ex, about your relationship, it is not positive. It is not beneficial. These are toxic relationships.

Loneliness after a divorce is a natural step to go through. It is not inevitable and like a sphinx, you will be reborn and learn to live, perhaps alone for a given time, but this time will be necessary for you to rebuild and move forward. Take this phase of loneliness as a phase of reflection, a phase of reconnection with yourself and take advantage of this period, it will not last!