I fell in love with my best friend -And now?

In fact, it’s just a good friendship between you, and yet it happened: as a man, you fell head over heels in love with your best friend. Now you are confused, unhappy, and wondering what you can do. In this article, I would like to encourage you and give you some tips on how to get out of the dilemma.

The feeling when friendship suddenly turns into unhappy love

The situation is complicated when you are in love with your best friend. I know this very well. You have a strong desire for the woman and want to be close to her at all times. We think desperately: she has to be the right person for a relationship, after all, in friendship you go through good and bad together… And yet you can’t enjoy that feeling of love in any way. There are many uncertainties:

  • Does she feel the same way about our relationship, or does she just want me as her best friend?
  • I’ll scare her with a love confession and possibly lose her
  • Should I really risk our good relationship with all that trust for this?
  • What should I do when our friendship falls apart? How am I going to deal with this?

It seems particularly difficult when this good friend is already happy – and her boyfriend might even be YOUR friend!

How do you untangle that thick knot and untangle the strands? Let’s go over your options together – in peace and quiet, step by step.

Take the quiz: are you in love with your best friend?

Even if you are emotionally upset, you shouldn’t rush anything now! It’s best to try to keep a cool head before doing things that you might later regret. The first thing you should do is stop for a moment and ask yourself if you really like your best friend. I know this sounds stupid because we men often think we are sure of our feelings.

But many times this high flight is just a passing passion that we confuse with being in love. Risking a good – and perhaps lasting – friendship for such fleeting emotions would be a real shame. Therefore, we must first see how serious this love for his platonic girlfriend really is. It’s best to read the following sentences and consider whether the statements apply to you:

  • When I see this woman, I feel very hot, like a feverish feeling.
  • When I see them I get very nervous, afraid of doing something wrong.
  • I find it hard to focus on the simplest things when I’m with her.
  • When she talks to other men, I get jealous.
  • She always asks me why I’m so weird or even tells me about being in love.
  • When we see each other, I wait to hear her signals to see if she feels the same way I do.
  • I look forward to her every day and can’t wait to meet her next time.
  • I’m feverishly thinking about how to get closer to her or how to tell her I love her.
  • I give her gifts, and compliments and am very courteous to win her heart.
  • In everyday life, I have to think about her all the time. It goes so far that I can no longer focus on important tasks.
  • I’m already secretly envisioning a relationship or even marriage and starting a family with her.
  • I feel very unhappy because I don’t think I can win her over.
  • To be honest, I can’t even imagine living happily without her.

If at least 5 of these statements apply to you, then you seem to have a really bad crush on your best friend. But don’t pin me on number 5, that’s just a guideline. Use this test more as a guide in order to use the questions to understand your emotional situation.

Tips: What to do when you’re in love with your best friend?

Therefore, we have resolved the issue of being in love. Now the pressing question arises, what can you do to resolve this situation – without breaking too much china in your friendship, of course? Let’s see the options one by one:

1. As a man, be clear: what do you really want?

Always remember: being friends and being in love never get along very well. How do you want to be each other’s best friends when one of you always has “more” in mind? You have to know what you want. So think about whether your love is strong enough to put your good friend at risk! You have to be aware that a confession of love (or a cautious approach) can become an endurance test for your friendship and you can stop being best friends after that.

On the other hand: if you’re really deeply in love, you can’t just swallow your feelings and let the whole story go on as before. Even if you’ve been friends for a long time. Therefore, something has to happen – whatever the outcome!

2. Instead of speaking up: Pay attention to the signs of your feelings!

If you still don’t know where you stand with her, it’s time to find out. But DON’T go straight into the house, because talking openly is not always the best solution! Serve her no ready-to-print confession of love with a final question like,  “And you then… how do you think about us?”  Because if the woman is not in love with you and only has you in mind, she can frighten and subdue the power.

Instead of confessing your feelings openly, you should approach the subject a little more sensitively and pay attention to their flirting signals. Listen carefully to your friend and watch her closely: is she dropping hints about the two of you? Does she laugh a lot in her presence, does she get closer to you physically than usual with normal friends? Does she want to see you often? Does she get jealous when you talk to other women? These can all be signs of being in love.

Beware, young Jedi Knight…. Don’t interpret too much

However, one should not overinterpret these signs – perhaps they are just intended to be friendly. I emphasize this again because we men often tend to see what we want to see. It’s like that when we’re in love with rose-colored glasses and have high hopes for each other.

But if you see clear signs and she is single, you can switch to flirt mode. More on that below!

3. If there are no clear signs: Test your readiness with a story!

Sometimes it’s the other way around: there are simply no signs that your friend is into you. How can you know now if there is more than just friendship? In this case, you can come up with a small story and use it to carefully feel it. Just say something to her at your next opportunity:

Hey, I read such a funny article the other day. It was about the fact that a man and a woman were friends for many years and suddenly became lovers. I had to laugh and think about the two of us. Imagine if the two of us fell in love out of the blue and were suddenly a couple. That would be awesome, wouldn’t it?

Then, wait for her reaction and use her responses to try to figure out how she finds this partnership idea.

If you don’t want to arouse suspicion, you can add the following:

But I don’t think we would have a relationship like that. We’re like cats and dogs, don’t you think?

With this trick, you can silently test whether she is really into you or if the two of you are really just best friends in her eyes.

4. In love with your best friend but she just wants friendship

You got a stub from her and you know she doesn’t want a partnership or affair or anything like that?

So now you know for sure: you’re in love with your best friend, but she’s not in love with you. I know the pain is very deep right now. Apparently, you’ve fallen into the famous camaraderie channel, where men who don’t aggressively flirt with women end up. You can, of course, try to get out of this friend zone by reading the article. Such an undertaking, however, turns out to be difficult.

Is friendship no longer an option for you because it’s too painful for you to see that all the time and be around them without being able to touch them? So I advise you to keep your distance first or even break contact with her and be distracted by other things (hobbies, friends, studies, etc.). I know it’s a difficult stage right now, but being around this woman is going to hurt, even more, believe me!

5. She has a boyfriend or do other circumstances prevent the relationship

Perhaps there is also a situation where it is clear from the start that something can never happen to a partnership between the two of you and that the friendship will remain. For example, if your best friend is already happy, you live far away or you are a co-worker, but love is taboo in your workplace.

In such cases, I also advise you to keep your distance from the woman – even if feelings are really high. So that you do not offend her, offend her unnecessarily or leave her in the dark, you can explain the situation to her in a conversation. Tell her it’s not directed against her… You just keep your distance because you have to accept her feelings and therefore need some time to yourself.

6. She’s single and doesn’t seem averse to a partnership

Does she have a boyfriend and seems to be into you? Now the question arises, how can you make her passionate too? Of course, I can’t tell you the whole flirting game in a few sentences here. You will find many other articles on my blog where I have noted down my collected knowledge for you.

Tips: This is how your good friend will still fall in love with you!

However, here are the most important rules again: Women want strong men who show courage, “aggressiveness” and honesty in life. Don’t present yourself as a good boy, but switch from friendship to hot flirt! This means:

  • Be a little naughty and start playfully teasing her.
  • Do not keep in touch with her by phone, social media, email, etc. Those that are scarce are still interesting!
  • Otherwise, don’t be there for them day and night. Don’t be afraid to cancel or postpone a meeting (now better known as a “date”!). With that, she sees that you also have other important things to do.
  • Don’t help her with all sorts of unimportant ailments, after all, you’re not her butler. Usability is good, but it has its limits – especially when you want to look attractive.
  • Take the lead: suggest what you do on the date and act purposefully instead of waiting for her decisions.

It is important to move from the former friendship to the path of partnership. You can do this by following the tips above. Because only when you create a sizzling tension between you can you ignite the spark of love. I wish you much success!