I’m pretty sure all the bestsellers tell us how to find or attract love. The recipes for happiness, the places where you can find The great love, how to get it back and even some magic formulas to recite. All of this can be found on the internet or at least, in a few books buried at the bottom of libraries. Nowadays, the trend is towards books which help us to become our own therapist, to discover who we are and how to find ourselves; as if we were stray puppies and someone had to call the fire department to find us.
The truth is, there is no single recipe, no 10-step program, and even a psychologist can only help you discover things you already know. No book, no conference, no show, no friend can help you with this question, you are alone and the only hero capable of saving yourself. Already scared? You shouldn’t, welcome into adulthood, it’s horrible but you will learn to love it!
I can’t tell you how to do it, but I can explain how I did it. By giving me time to discover who I am and what I like, by going to many meetings with all kinds of people and by learning who I wanted by my side and what were the crippling criteria. By dancing in trendy clubs, bobos or rocks. By staying in my apartment for a whole weekend to eat frozen pizza. Crying before sleeping, my cat in my arms. Having a broken heart to see the one I love holding the hand of another woman. By driving until the tank is empty. By dancing alone at my house, maximum volume, until the neighbors complain. Watching comedies laugh to the tears. By reading, by traveling, by living!
When I expected nothing, I realized that I was independent and that I could take care of myself. I am no longer afraid to fill up my car or drive. I am no longer afraid of falling in love and suffering, I have already survived it a few times and I will do it again if necessary. That sometimes I am happy and other times sad but that most of the time I am fine. And it happened, I discovered who I was, one soul among many others on earth, living the life I choose, without limits, without rules.
As for love, I discovered that “great love” did not exist but that there were several “great loves”, all in the right place and at the right time. Sometimes it was intense love and other times more peaceful. Sometimes it was me who loved very much, other times it was the opposite. I got dumped and left too. I was deceived and I deceived, even with a simple kiss.
Some of us are lucky enough to never have to go through all of this, but unfortunately, many others will have to. But only to add these trials to our lifeline. So if you ever decide to take the risk, you will meet love many times. Each love will be unique and will bring you happiness in its own way. The only thing that needs to be constant is your ability to move forward and evolve. The rest is just marketing!