Any union is subject to difficulties and discord but the most important is to know how to manage to counter them and prevent them from jeopardizing the happiness of the couple. Certainly, trials and tribulations can destabilize the harmony between the partners and they will think that their marriage is not up to their expectations, or that it is unbearable to manage on a daily basis. But know that there is no quick and secret formula for a successful marriage, but a laborious work of devotion and concession.
Success in marriage is based on two things: finding the right person and being the right person. When two people fall in love and decide to spend the rest of their lives together, they think the sunny days will last indefinitely. But in a growing culture of marital failure, it is difficult to resist the problems and challenges that marital life imposes in most cases. Moreover, in France, nearly 45% of marriages end in divorce with an average age of 42 years for men and 44 years for women and most often by mutual consent. In other words, weddings today can be considered anything but a great success.
The hardest thing is to go beyond the danger zone of marriage and survive some obstacles and barriers to transcend and overcome them. Also, if you cross the red line of these phases, be sure that your happiness will last as long as you want.
1. Criticize the other
The criticism has never been positive and in most cases leads to attacks, which only feeds an unhealthy exchange between the two partners. Dr. John Gottman in his book ” the four horsemen of the Apocalypse,” estimated to communicate with her husband, it is necessary to learn to use the skills to verbalize their emotions without hurting each other and breed contempt in within the couple.
2. Erect a stone wall
Often with the intention of protecting themselves or avoiding confrontation, each of the partners could plunge into total silence or even build a stone wall. Men are more subject to this behavior which is characteristic of them. And as it is stated in John Gray’s book ” men come from Mars and women come from Venus “, a man does not have the same conception of love, nor the same behavior or the way of expressing himself. than the woman. A man can silence his feelings and repress them while the woman tends to externalize them by privileging the exchanges and the communication. A mutual effort is required, characterized by a timely discussion when calm has won the minds of both partners.
3. The attraction towards other people
Being attracted to someone other than one’s spouse is an experience that could eventually be experienced by both partners. In a survey of 160 women, the majority confessed to feeling a crush on someone else without affecting their relationship with their spouses. The most important thing is not to let your emotions take over and be carried away by temptation.
4. Despise a spouse
Contempt comes from a feeling of moral superiority in which sarcasm or cynicism find a predominant place. He can be sneaky, devastating and destructive of the couple and the marriage. Avoiding it is the best way to maintain a relationship in sustainability.
The daily stress, the education of the children or the demands of the professional life, can put our nerves to the test. This omnipresent feeling in our daily life shimmers some negative aspects of the couple and propels it unquestionably into a dynamic of insensitivity, denial, and rage. The best is to prevent anger from necrotizing the relationship; managing it becomes beneficial for peaceful happiness.
6. Refuse forgiveness
We are all entitled to the error and whatever its size, it is possible to forgive and to go beyond to go forward, provided that it is not recurrent. For as St. Augustine has quoted, “To err is to be human, to persist in one’s error is diabolical”. Know that to forgive, it is not enough to want it or try to forget; it may simply crystallize pain and resentment. The best is to express your feelings, to put yourself in the other person’s place to understand his point of view. At this moment, we are relieved of negative emotions and it will then be possible to turn the page.