During a group discussion, we were asked the following question: “What is the difference between loving and being in love?” ”
At first it made me laugh – I said to myself, but is there, at least one difference? Is it not the same thing? We are in love with the person we love, right? Or have I been wrong all my life?
I listened to all the answers – and that’s where you popped into my thoughts.
I smiled.
I remembered feeling nervous when our eyes met for the first time –
When you entered it, my world started to take on colors.
I will never forget the first time you said my first name –
That the butterflies fluttered so much in my belly that I almost vomited…
I always thought about what our first date would look like –
It was actually very nice to imagine us together.
Seeing you embellished my day.
And not seeing your first name appear on the screen of my phone put me in suspense.
That’s when I knew I fell in love with you – your thoughtful words, your gentle gestures, your wise advice and the idea of ’we’.
But once I got to know you, it changed dramatically –
When I understood that you felt alone most of the time, I wanted more to make you feel that you were not alone – that I was there to keep you company.
When you confessed to me that you had experienced enough pain and heartache for a lifetime,
I wanted to be the one who would heal you and heal you.
We were falling apart and no one knew –
But I did my best to be there for you.
I wanted to wrap you in my loving arms and cover with reassuring kisses
To let you know that as long as I’m here, someone will unconditionally worship you.
I knew you were vulnerable – you laid bare your soul and it didn’t bother me; on the contrary, it brought me closer to you.
I dreamed of being your confidante – the one who could wipe away your tears,
One that could replace fears and doubts with self-esteem and love.
I wanted you to know how perfect you were – that you were wise, sweet and kind – in addition to being extremely attractive and beautiful.
But when I finally started to think – trying to figure out how to help you feel better, telling you that you deserved all the love in the world – and thinking with my heart, which only beat for you, i realized that I was no longer falling; but that I loved you.
As this group discussion progressed, I realized that loving and being in love were two very different things – depth, intensity and purpose set them apart.
To be in love is an attraction – butterflies and superficial emotions that the other makes us feel; this temporary effect that the other has on us, as we get to know each other. Love is this firm decision to devote your heart and soul to this one person , whatever the difficulties and whatever his faults as an individual.
And since that day, I know I love you – I can’t explain how or why but my love, I know it now – I love you.
