Your relationship failed and one of you, you or she, has now broken up. Of course, now the wounds are deep, and love and confusion are spreading. You don’t know how to deal with the woman who until recently was considered your greatest love. And often in this state of emergency the well-known saying: “Let’s remain friends”. But still being friends, despite the feelings after the breakup, is that really a good idea?
In this article, I would like to tell you if and how a friendship with your ex-partner can work. You will also learn the 6 most important steps on how you can still become good friends after a painful breakup.
Why do we so often get involved in the offer to remain, friends,
When sayings like “let’s remain friends” are used post-breakup, we men often can’t say “no” – and many women feel the same way, the opposite. But why do we try so often to be friends with the ex, even though it’s so hard for us? There could be several reasons for this:
- 1. You don’t want to hurt or let your partner down too much when you break up because you think breaking up completely would be too difficult. With the “Let’s stay friends” offer, the breakup should be a little smoother and more elegant.
- 2. When we men leave, we often still have strong feelings for our ex-girlfriend. With friendship, we want to take the chance to be close to her to rekindle the fire of love and still win the woman back.
- 3. The ex-partner is a very special person in life, with whom you share many common experiences and whose character you appreciate. You want to maintain that trusting relationship by remaining good friends.
It should be clear: you can only remain friends after the breakup if the offer of friendship is honestly made by both sides, as in point 3 – without any ulterior motives for taking the other to bed.
Friends Stay Despite Feelings – 4 Reasons Why the Plan Doesn’t Work
Many ex-couples try to seamlessly turn a relationship into friendship and fail miserably. Because the wounds are still very fresh and the feelings get in the way of the plan to remain friends.
- 1. As a rule, one of the two is still in love and is literally devoured by homesickness. Constantly being around your ex-partner without getting their love is very painful and can even make you sick.
- 2. Most of the time, the idea of staying friends is just used as an excuse to start a new approach. Women in particular notice very quickly when you, as a man, haven’t really accepted the breakup and are trying to get her into bed again. This makes them doubt your honesty and can destroy trust.
- 3. The new partner’s jealousy may also play a role – and he wonders instead if you two lovebirds are really “just” friends, or if there are still coals in the stove that can reignite the fire of love. This creates a competitive situation that none of you three (or four) want!
- 4. Those who have separated from their partners and remain friends with them also tend to get caught up in their emotions: there are feelings of guilt because they broke up. But also worried: Has he really accepted the friendship or is he just trying to get back at me through the back door? How much closeness can I give her without him interpreting it as an “invitation” to flirt?
The friendship continues after separation: only then can it work!
Phrases like “Let’s stay friends” come very easily from us humans after a breakup. Remember: a friendship can never work immediately after breaking up! Wounds need some time to heal. If you don’t just want to win back your ex-girlfriend but are honestly and sincerely interested in befriending this woman, here’s what you should do:
1. Clear the table: be relentlessly honest with each other! Make sure that a love relationship doesn’t stand a chance and that it’s really over between you. So neither of you has unrealistic hopes for love that could torpedo a friendship from the start.
2. Keep your distance: Nausea and other injuries need some time to heal first. You must set aside this time for yourself, each one for himself – as long as it takes. In order for the emotional wounds not to open up again, you must first put contact with each other on ice until both of you have processed the separation.
3. Careful Approach: When this phase is over, you can approach slowly and carefully again. Make sure you and she are over the pain of the breakup, that there are no more unexplained accusations in the room, that there are no more feelings involved, and that neither of you is waiting unnecessarily for love.
4. Full Discussion: It can also help to speak openly first. Above all, clarify why the breakup occurred and why it’s important for you to remain friends in the first place. If you are in a relationship with new partners in the meantime, it can also be helpful to let them know your friendly intentions. In this way, you avoid false suspicions that a love relationship is developing again between you.
5. Friendship on trial: Of course, you were a couple and knew each other very well. But friendship is completely different from being in a relationship. Therefore, you must find a new relationship with each other and, first of all, test what it is like to be “just” friends. Keep appointments short and don’t overwhelm yourself, but approach the other person carefully.
6. If everything doesn’t work out: despite everything, it can happen that a friendship relationship is not crowned with success. Perhaps because the old feelings resurface or because the conflicts related to the separation continue to burn. Regardless of the reason for failure: you must admit to yourself when a friendship doesn’t work, and if so, finally go your separate ways.
But if they continue to be friends, it can be a great addition to your life. You two must have something to do with each other, otherwise, you wouldn’t be together before.