After the seductive partner, let’s talk about what bothered us precisely in this idea: that of the unfaithful partner.
The term ” faithful ” is vague. He can talk about a dog, a friend, a clientele, a literary adaptation on the screen or even… A couple (oh well then, no kidding!). As this is the point that interests us here, I went to find out about the definition of marital fidelity, according to the Larousse dictionary: ” Made, for a spouse, a romantic partner, to be faithful to the other, and in particular not to commit adultery “.
This official conjugal fidelity is that which can be pronounced at the time of marriage, or which is formed automatically at the birth of a couple. Sometimes, this loyalty can be discussed, questioned … Let us not hide it: it often hurts.
A matter of respect for others
I do not think that marital fidelity is limited to this definition. It is not only adultery as a sin, the problem (after all, no one is punished for adultery, the only risk being to lose money during a potential divorce, it seems to me), but this idea that by breaking loyalty, you break the trust of the other. This is why it is also so difficult to recover from an infidelity: our confidence in us is found in crumbs and it takes time to learn to rebuild … And to trust again. Being unfaithful and loving someone are a priori incompatible things to my taste. By being unfaithful, you lose all respect for your “official” partner and you cannot love others without respecting them above all.
And be “unfaithful” without breaking trust and respect? It is possible, this is the case of so-called “libertine” couples. I could not give you the topo of libertine couples since it is not a real trait of character, each couple is different, each couple has its own rules. The main thing is to agree on it! Only, if the other knows and accepts completely (without manipulation) that his partner goes “to see elsewhere”, one can think that in the end, this “infidelity” is no longer really one.
What I have observed on several occasions, these are couples of two people who are both attracted by men, and by women who allow themselves to go to look elsewhere but only if it is with a woman, for the woman (or with a man, for the man). They tell me that ” it’s not the same “, “it’s more to test everything that attracts us” or ” I can only fall in love with a boy but I am carnally attracted to both, men and women ” In short, no generalities provided, this arrangement is of course not reserved for them and is not specific to them either, each with its rules, each with its motivations.
When this system works, I find it totally healthy.
The limits of the “unfaithful” couple
But now, when do the problems come from? Yes, these problems, so mild … They arise if only one of the two partners is unfaithful, the other agrees but keeps only one carnal partner … problems can also happen if by dint of frequenting the same lover, the person begins to fall in love with it and no longer knows who to choose …
Beware of the possessive partner who refuses to dedicate you loyalty but expects it from you. Beware of the one who will honestly admit to you that you cannot be if you know that you will keep him as your only carnal partner. Beware of your own jealousy, which can sometimes also be entirely justified.
Infidelity, if agreed, must remain physical and not sentimental. If it is not consented, it should not be tolerated. Do not accept infidelity within your relationship unless you want to, especially do not suffer from it.