If being in a couple is pleasant on a daily basis (especially during the long winter evenings) it is also an investment and a perpetual source of disputes.
It is difficult to avoid conflict when you live with your Jules, man-woman relationships are thus made, but if the disputes are sometimes beneficial, we still prefer to avoid them if possible.
Here are 10 tips to help you defuse conflicts.
1. Accept that Jules is not the ideal man.
Obviously, we all dreamed of the Prince Charming who takes us to his beautiful castle on his immaculate white horse.
Only here, these illusions are to put, with our Barbies, in the trash. Man is not ideal, he has his big and small faults, but you too, right?
Rather than assaulting Jules and stubbornly proving that you are right, first try to hear his arguments and calmly discuss the problem.
Rather than threaten him with a kitchen knife if you have found the number of a Claudia scribbled on a piece of paper in his pocket, wait until he explains why.
You may be surprised to learn that this jacket actually belongs to Jean-Mi, Jules’ colleague, and that they made the exchange without expressly at the restaurant this afternoon.
Because yes, if you look closely, this jacket looks a little like hers, but the comparison stops there.
3. Let yourself breathe.
To have the pleasure of finding Jules, you should first think of leaving him.
Do not hesitate to take a short weekend with your parents and encourage him to do the same. Do not suffocate each other, you would exacerbate existing tensions.
4. Weigh your words.
Before turning a tense discussion into an uncontrollable argument, take time to choose your words.
It is not uncommon for people to get carried away and say things that they do not think. Do not give in to the temptation to swing abruptly his four truths at the head of Jules, be a diplomat.
Finally, do not forget that your companion is very often a monument of bad faith and that he will not hesitate for a second to interpret your statements in his own way.
5. Do not take love for granted.
Love is a wall to which a new stone is brought every day.
Architectural metaphors aside, love is built on a daily basis, it is not because you have been in a relationship with Jules for three years that you should consider that you are authorized to wear pajamas in pilou.
No one is allowed to wear pilou pajamas, never. It’s hot, it’s sweet, but it’s no.
6. Know how to question yourself.
Not in front of him, obviously, he might think he is right. Know how to undertake interior work and ask yourself the right questions.
Jules is, of course, wrong, but for the situation to escalate to this point, you must also have some responsibility, so take stock with yourself.
7. Learn to talk about money.
Obviously, it is not easy to discuss this kind of subject with your loved one, but it is necessary.
Indeed, the stories of money are often the main subject of contention in a couple.
Approach these subjects lightly (but keeping a minimum of seriousness anyway) and agree: a joint account or not? Who pays what? Etc.
8. Take some romantic time.
By dint of seeing you every day between the TV and the green plant, Jules will wonder if you are not also a piece of furniture and, admit it, it is reciprocal.
Know how to free up time in your diaries to find yourself in love. We’re not necessarily talking to you about a candlelit dinner or a trip to the other side of the world, just to meet the two of you, cell phones and TV turned off, to chat and enjoy the pleasure of sharing time with the person you love.
9. Make sure the dispute is closed.
Nothing eats away at a couple as much as the unspoken because rancor swells and swells until it gets out of hand.
When your argument comes to an end, make sure everything is said and that neither of you has anything to add, this will prevent the subject from coming back on the table one day without you expecting it.
10. Mute your susceptibility.
Of course, Jules is adorable, but he can also be a big, gruff bear. Remember that women and men do not speak exactly the same language.
No need to try to put Doudou’s head in the oven if he tells you that “this cup [you] is better than the other anyway”. For him, it is a compliment. Yes, yes, we assure you.
Despite all this advice, you know as much as we do that it is impossible to completely avoid arguments in a couple, and fortunately!
Fortunately, because of arguments, it is also an opportunity to put things right and get off on the right foot. Male-female relationships are punctuated by difficulties, but that’s also what makes them strong!
According to some observations, the risk of dying young is even higher for spouses in a couple where anger is suppressed and conflicts avoided. So argue, but constructively!