Ending a relationship is sad, exhausting, and emotionally draining.
But it’s hard to know how to get on with your life when you’re feeling like a failure and still thinking about your ex.
When you feel lost, looking to have a little structure can help a lot.
To help you with that framework, here are six steps you can take to move forward after a relationship ends, no matter how long you’ve spent with it.
1. Reflect on Your Role in the Relationship.
Thinking about your relationship might be the last thing you want to do right now, but it’s important to assess what kind of partner you were.
- Did you demand a lot from your ex-partner?
- Did you give in too much to his wishes?
- Have you stopped striving for a relationship?
- Did you enjoy picking at past wounds?
- Were you too passive?
- Did you know how to openly communicate and express your feelings or did you just leave clues he never understood?
Better understanding your behavior in your last relationship can help you understand what you’re looking for… and succeed in your next relationship.
It will also help you to grow and avoid making repetitive mistakes.
2. Make a List of Your Support System.
You know those friends and relatives who keep checking in and asking about your love life?
They’re not just asking out of politeness, they care about you and want to offer support… they want to help in any way they can.
Accept their invitation to go out to eat, watch a movie, or just hang out at a friend’s house.
If you want to talk to them about your relationship that just ended, they will listen.
If you don’t want to talk, enjoy their company.
They will listen to you when you are ready.
3. Avoid Contacting Your Ex-Boyfriend.
At some point after the breakup, you will ask yourself, “Can I be friends with my ex-boyfriend?”
In most cases, the answer is no.
Generally speaking, trying to form a friendship with someone after having a romantic relationship with that person never works the way you think.
Your intentions may be the best, but one of you will inevitably end up suffering.
If you’re feeling the urge to text your ex-boyfriend when you’re sad, or call him just to hear his voice, make an effort to distract yourself with other things and get that thought out of your head…
Call a friend to chat, turn on the radio, or listen to your favorite songs again.
Also, try going out for a walk and breathing some fresh air.
Your heart will thank you.
4. If You Really Need To See Your Ex-Boyfriend, Be Brief And Professional.
Of course, every situation is different.
For example, if you have a child with your ex-boyfriend or husband, it’s probably not going to be a viable option to cut him out of your life completely.
What you can do is set very strict limits and respect them.
Here’s a trick: Treat your ex-boyfriend as if he were a partner in your company.
Would you call, email, or text him to talk about the kids?
Of course yes.
Would you call, email, or text him if you were sad and wanted to hear his voice?
Be brief and professional… You’re much less likely to get hurt.
5. Do Something Nice for Yourself.
They say you shouldn’t make big decisions that affect your whole life and buy things of great value immediately after a breakup.
You can, however, engage in small changes that will improve your mood and put you in a different mindset.
A weekend at a spa, a new haircut, or new shoes and clothes are things you can do without regrets.
6. No Rushing.
Unfortunately, there is no right amount of time it takes to get over a breakup.
What you can do is take things one day at a time and move forward at your own pace.
Try not to compare your progress in getting over it to other people’s progress, especially comparing it to your ex-boyfriend’s progress.
Recovering from a broken heart takes time… and you are entitled to take whatever time it takes to get well and ready for the next relationship.
Just know that this period will not always be difficult.
One day you will wake up and things will be easier, and it will keep getting easier and easier until you are ready to open your heart again to another love and to love again.