My ex called, should I give him a second chance?

If your ex contacts you and causes mixed feelings in you, it could be that you haven’t completely shelved this chapter. Maybe you haven’t gotten over the breakup pain or haven’t really closed the relationship yet. Under certain circumstances, however, you are only now ready to forgive him and give him a second chance.

Before acting rashly and carelessly, you should be clear about your feelings and first find out why your ex contacted you again. We’ll also give you some tips on what you should pay attention to in order to respond sensibly to your contact.

Why your ex contacts you – three reasons

1. He wants you back

The toughest, though often secretly desired, case when asked “Why does the ex keep calling?” It is: He wants to give the relationship a second chance. No matter which one of you pulled the line, you’re probably not just wondering, “Does he still love me? “, but also think about whether you want to start over – unless you have already reconnected and are absolutely happy. Especially when it comes to a longer relationship, this sign of life brings up not only bad memories but also good ones. Aside from the decision for or against him, it also depends on whether he is serious, aims for reconciliation, and how serious your relationship problems were.

2. He’s plagued by remorse

After ghostly months, the ex makes contact again and asks for a conversation. Before you get your hopes up about why your ex keeps calling, consider that he might be tormented by the guilty conscience he’s trying to break away from. Especially if he ended the relationship or you caught him cheating. Maybe he just wants to apologize, or at least doesn’t want to look guilty.

3. He wants friendship

Your ex may also contact you for a completely innocent reason: he wants a  friendship after the breakup because he values ​​you as a person even if there are no more romantic feelings left. Especially after the end of long-term relationships, the familiar contact person that we have been used to for many years simply disappears. How you react in this case largely depends on how you feel about it.

How do you react? Useful tips at a glance

He asks for a date or a phone conversation. But whatever the reasons for her appearance, you must decide before the conversation what you expect from her.

Dare to start over

Regardless of his motives, it’s clear that the ex-partner isn’t done with their shared past either. Does he just want to get over his lack of love and apologize, or does he want you all back? What counts first of all is what you expect from getting back together. The best thing to do is figure this out before you sit down in front of him and the hormones kick in.

If you’ve ever realized that the breakup was impulsive, out of anger or frustration, an enlightening conversation and a new life after the breakup might make sense. Forgiving is important when your ex calls back. Exactly like an independent decision of the wounded ego. If you think your problems can be solved together, just admit it – give him a second chance.

Stay strict

You were happy when he finally disappeared from your life. But suddenly the ex responds again. What answer? If the relationship wasn’t healthy – he hurt you repeatedly, emotionally or even physically, or if your trust was broken because he repeatedly cheated on you: In all of these cases, it’s important to be strict.

Even if this is your second or third breakup attempt and the dynamic or crisis of your relationship still hasn’t changed, we recommend that you be consistent. Because maybe none of you are ready to give in and work on yourself. Especially when it comes to fundamental issues like living together, one-sided desire to have children, or opposing views on the topic of faithfulness.

Three tips for a personal reunion with your ex

As soon as you forget about your ex, he is coming back into your consciousness. If you agree to the meeting after your ex has contacted you again, you should consider the following points:

1. Meet in a public place

Don’t meet at home. This will prevent old feelings from arising. After that, a decision about the future will hardly be possible.

2. Make your point of view clear

If you broke up because you just couldn’t come to common ground on important issues, you should now make it clear what compromises you’re willing to make if you give the relationship another chance. What do you ask of him, what would change in his behavior?

3. Listen to your heart and mind

Don’t let your heart alone decide on a second chance, be rational. Can the relationship really work or are you just regretting old memories?

Bottom line: If your ex contacts you again, you should keep a cool head

It’s important that you use common sense, regardless of why your ex is backing down. If he wants a platonic friendship, but you’re not over him, it doesn’t make sense. This also applies in the opposite case. If he wants you back, you should ask yourself if you want to win your ex back too and if the relationship has a serious chance with no previous problems.