After the shock of the breakup, what comes to mind is first of all to refuse this breakup and to do everything possible to recover her ex. It is out of the question to capitulate! It is impossible to accept that all these years spent with him or her are over.
It is essential to win back your ex to understand that there are steps to follow if you want to reach your goal and of course mistakes not to make!
How to recover your ex?
- Understand the reasons for the breakdown
- Become the best version of yourself
- Ask yourself the right questions
- Use the recovery techniques best suited to your case
- Avoid classic mistakes!
Understand the reasons for the breakdown
When one is in the phase of suffering and misunderstanding linked to the break, it is very difficult to understand the reasons. The first reflex is obviously to ask the other “But why are you leaving me?” ” I know from experience with the people I accompany that it is very difficult to get the real reasons for the breakup. And often, you can even hear yourself saying “but I have nothing to blame you for, you’re perfect” or else “I got bored. That’s how it is, you have nothing to do with it”. The one who leaves tries benevolently not to add more and not to make the other feel guilty. Others, on the contrary, will make a non-exhaustive list of all the reproaches that he or she has towards you. Not easy after that, to know where we are, especially since his life as a couple has just collapsed.
You will therefore not only have to accept this rupture but above all analyze according to the elements that you have, what led you to be left. or to leave. And yes, you can leave, regret and want to win back your ex.
From your analysis, you will then certainly have the elements to work on or improve to try to recover your ex. I’m sure deep down, you know what you could have changed to make your relationship work. So nothing is lost, now is the time to act.
Become the best version of yourself
If you are happy or happy, fulfilled, smiling, your ex will ask serious questions! By becoming the best version of yourself, i.e. by being aligned with your values, your goals, not only will you regain confidence in yourself, you will feel better but in addition, your power of attraction will increase tenfold. A woman or a man well in his head, it shows, it feels and the first or the first who will see it, it will be your ex. It is important to do this personal development work adapted to the break you are living, on the one hand, to turn the page (even if you keep the objective of recovering your ex) and to move towards a new life where you will have learned from your errors.
Ask yourself the right questions!
Why do you want to get your ex back? this is the first question to ask yourself!
Is it because you don’t plan to live without him or her? Think about your life as a couple before, would you do the same or differently? What would you change if you had to do it again?
Is it because your ego is hurt? You cannot bear that he or she leaves you even if you know perfectly well that nothing was going well in your relationship.
Do you find yourself emotionally dependent on him or her? He or she misses you and it’s visceral, you may have established an emotional dependency that prevents you from turning the page! The risk is that you will always reproduce the same pattern in your future relationships …
Be able to answer the question “Do I still love him?” ” Did you like the couple you formed? Or did you like the social status it gave you? What exactly do you like about her or him? What didn’t you like about your ex? Watch out for the ego! It often happens that one wishes to win back one’s ex for the wrong reasons. Purely ego-related reasons. A break hurts the ego, reclaiming your ex to boost your ego is not the solution.
Use the techniques best suited to your case
If you want to come back with your ex and it works, you have to give him time and you too to take stock of this relationship. A break is not trivial. It is never without reason. The separation can be an alarm signal, certainly abrupt, but which acts as an electric shock. It can also mean a point of no return.
I invite you to respect a period of radio silence or just messages for and about children. This radio silence is necessary to do this work of introspection. This work must be done by each of the partners and each on its side. But why are you going to tell me? If it hadn’t been for the breakup, you would have had to take stock of your relationship together. You could even have done a couple’s therapy to solve your problems. The rupture taking place, it is necessary to respect the choice of your partner to know the separation. Who says separation, says each on his side.
Take advantage of this period to skip the 7 stages of mourning and rebuild yourself. Don’t be obsessed with winning back your ex. This may block your rebuilding process. Act as if it were definitely over. If your ex sees you happy without him or her and he or she still has feelings, you will see that he or she will come back to you naturally. After that, it will be up to you to accept it or not.
Work on you
Live this period to realign yourself and your values. Take the time to think about existential questions. What do you expect from the couple? What are your goals in life? Take stock of your past relationship. Do not veil your face by telling yourself that it was perfect, I am sure not.
Write to him
Once the period of radio silence has passed, write to him to show him that you have evolved, that you have advanced and thus open the door to a possible meeting. Your letter or email must be thought through, without resentment, without reproach and positive!
This letter will be the trigger. Either your ex, always having feelings for you, will offer you a meeting to discuss. Either your ex will not answer you or thank you for your message but will tell you that for him or her, it’s over.
At least you will be fixed. There is nothing worse than waiting for someone who will never return. If it is negative, it will be difficult again but a new future without your ex will open up to you.
Avoid classic mistakes!
- Ask his ex why he or she is leaving you. Always asking him the same questions is tiring. It is also asking for answers to questions that his ex probably does not have or does not want to give.
- Pestering him with messages or calls to see him or speak. Respecting your separation request is a way to cut ties. Either for a given time or for the rest of life. This period is important to reflect, to see the lack of the other, to see what is still expected from the couple.
- Do not wait long enough to reconnect with him or her. It is necessary that the period of radio silence lasts a certain time, but not neither a week nor two but at least several months, to take stock takes time. Leave time, to time.
- Beg him. If you show her all the time how unhappy you are or how much you love her, it will scare or scare her. Put yourself in his place, what would you do in such a situation?
- Do not overwhelm him with all the reproaches or faults of the world. You are two in the relationship, the wrongs must be shared.
- If you see him again, now is not the time to empty your bag. Be positive and don’t look for areas of contention. Instead, talk to him about the lessons learned and what you want to do to get things moving in the right direction.
Reclaiming your ex, good or bad idea?
- Wanting to win back your ex is a good idea to avoid any regrets! At least, if you go back with your ex and in the end, the break is needed again, you will have tried everything. No regrets, you will have gone to the end of the relationship.
- Being separated can be good, in the sense that one realizes then the real lack of the other. It’s often when you lose someone that you realize how much you love them. It’s sad, but that’s the way it is.
- We are in a known territory! And that is reassuring. When you’ve spent a long time with someone, you almost know them by heart. It is much more comfortable to get back together with someone you know than to start a new story!
So get your ex back, good or bad idea? I have just indicated the right reasons. The bad reasons are:
- Risk of suffering again! If the reconquest of your ex goes badly, you will have wasted time for you, to move on to something else but above all, you will return to the stage of mourning of suffering. And start almost from scratch, unless you have followed the program to overcome a divorce, where recovering your ex is considered a bonus!
- Losing your self-esteem. Getting your ex back can be considered a state of submission. To belittle oneself. If your ex’s recovery does not work, you will have a negative view of yourself, as you have been demeaned to seduce him again, to win him back for nothing. Do not sleep together. Going back to bed with your ex is super easy. We know him very well, we know perfectly what to do to bring him to his bed. And then, it’s guaranteed to have a good time. Certainly. Only here, if you go back to bed with your ex without having solved your problems and had a constructive discussion on the way you decided to develop your couple, sleeping with your ex will be neither more nor less similar to friends with benefits relationship. You will come out frustrated and hurt because you have feelings.