The 4 key steps to recover from a breakup
Disruptive emotions usually arise from a breakup, such as anger, grief, guilt, frustration, disappointment. Whether this rupture is effective by mutual agreement, because the situation encountered makes the continuity of the relationship impossible or destabilizes you because it is sudden, separation, or divorce, is never without consequences and causes a multitude of negative emotions in a matter of seconds, as we observed a few weeks ago.
In any case, a romantic breakup is painful in most cases, even if after the fact it turns out to be necessary or beneficial. We are never prepared to face suffering, this is all the more true in the case of a sudden breakup, a divorce, a legal separation. He then began what is called mourning in love.
How to recover from a sentimental breakup?
Whether it is a sudden break-up or a conventional break-up, reconstruction goes through four key stages, here are some ideas:
You must learn to externalize your suffering.
It does not matter, the origin of the separation or its progress, because in the first place it results in an extreme suffering that surpasses any other emotion. When faced with pain, nothing matters but the pain that floods you, it is a well-known fact. You should not ignore or try to avoid it, because it is part of the necessary mourning on which the reconstruction depends entirely. On the contrary, you have to accept the fact that for a while, longer or shorter depending on the person, you will not feel very well. Talk about your emotional state, your grief, to loved ones you trust, and who have a real listening quality. They will be able to understand you, but also to support you in this difficult step, to say the least. If necessary, write to evacuate your grief, this is also a positive alternative. However, avoid reading love poems, sad quotes or lost love quotes, this would only confine you in a state of despair. By thus evacuating your grief and the negative emotions that this situation implies, this will allow you to feel surrounded and will facilitate your reconstruction.
Accepting the separation and venting your anger is a must.
In the different phases following the breakup, we meet after grief, that of acceptance from which will emanate different emotions directly related to the personality of each. Among these, it could be anger, hatred or conversely understanding. Like suffering, it is imperative for you to accept these emotions, even if they overwhelm you. Whatever you wish for the person who hurt you, feeling these different emotions is a good sign, because it is necessary. You have the most legitimate right to resent him, to curse or hate him, to want revenge. These emotions show that you are moving through the different stages of your reconstruction. You are no longer devoured by suffering and sorrow and you are no longer an inert victim.
Understanding the causes of the rupture
You need to understand the causes of the breakup, because, after the first two stages flooded with a multitude of feelings and passed with more or less difficulty, you are in the phase of reflection which, too, is important. You will need to establish a balance sheet identifying the reasons that led to this rupture. You need to analyze the situation to understand the causes that may have caused the separation. However, do not make a value judgment, which could be more bad than good. Tell yourself that if your partner is gone, it is because he had inherently good reasons, in his opinion, even if that is not your opinion. In any case, sufficient reasons not allowing your relationship to last healthily and serenely. Otherwise, your partner, man or woman, was not the person able to make you happy. Under these conditions, it was appropriate to end your relationship, long before it was too late.
Carry out new projects
You need to think about new projects and set goals. After the first three steps, you are now able to get a taste for life. You must remove anything that can remind you of your ex-partner in your daily life without making the slightest feeling. If you don’t, you run the risk of undoing all the efforts you made to overcome the previous three phases.
– Gather all his belongings in a box that you will store in a place where you do not go. Seeing them can only bring you back to your memories and your sufferings.
– Stop going to places where you used to go together, at least for a while.
– At the same time, to remove any memories, change your interior, repaint your walls, integrate a new decoration, etc.
– Set yourself new goals to approach your future by completely breaking with the habits you had in common. Do activities that you have never done before. Travel or visit places unknown to you. Reconnect with people you value, but have lost sight of. Escape!
In short, relearn how to live without him/her. Allow yourself the freedom to leave a small door open for new encounters, maybe your true love is just steps away from you. Show that you are in control again, sooner or later love will return.