Relationship crisis: how does it arise and how do you deal with it?

No partnership breaks down from one moment to the next, instead, the big fight usually starts slowly and builds up. The first signs of a relationship crisis are rarely noticed by both partners. If the conflict becomes apparent, the source will be difficult to understand. And that’s exactly what makes overcoming a relationship crisis so difficult. Now it all comes down to the right strategy!

Three Triggers for a Relationship Crisis

A relationship is in crisis when communication between partners is no longer optimal. There could be several reasons for this:

  1. You are bothered by the partner’s strange characteristics: the first phase of being in love is over and you notice characteristics of each other that bother you. The relationship crisis is approaching. Often, what bothers us in the other is what is strange to us or what we don’t like about ourselves. However, it is precisely these properties that we initially found attractive in each other.
  2. You take each other for granted:  once the habit develops and the relationship is established, it’s easy to forget that you initially thought the other was the partner of your dreams. You always showed your best side to him. But now it would be important to show and communicate how much you value each other so you don’t fall into a relationship crisis.
  3. You notice a sudden change in the partner:  If one partner changes drastically, for example, due to a personal midlife crisis of the wife’s husband or family conflicts, spiritual development, or self-discovery, the dynamics between you also change. Communication is particularly important in finding new common ground.

The stages of a relationship crisis

At first, it’s mostly the little things that bother us about each other, but that seems too insignificant to talk about. However, they are remembered, and from that moment on, we pay more attention to the signs that confirm our theory about the partner. At this point in the relationship crisis, there are constant little arguments. You argue banalities while fronts harden. Until you reach the point where the barrel overflows…

The outcome of the phases of a relationship crisis:  a tangible argument, an affair, or the feeling of having broken up. Often, partners are not even aware of the original reason.

Important:  Cheating, strong relationship stress, or a fundamental argument is never the true trigger of a relationship crisis, but the result. It is always easier to blame your partner for a mistake or misbehavior than to reflect on the real reasons and admit your own mistakes.

When Does Relationship Crisis Lead to Breakup?

If both partners aren’t ready to take responsibility for it but instead blame each other, there’s usually no turning back. If a couple is already in one of the phases of a relationship crisis, intensive and thoughtful communication is needed without a mutual guilty conscience. Especially when trust has been broken or you are looking for distraction outside of the partnership, it becomes difficult to resolve the relationship issue.

Strategies for overcoming a relationship crisis

1. Find outside help

It often helps to discuss problems in an unhappy relationship with a neutral third party – for example, in couples therapy, where a qualified specialist helps to research the cause of the relationship crisis and find solutions.

In practice, it is often found that couples who are in a relationship crisis do not communicate constructively with each other. Here, the professional’s external perspective is often helpful in reflecting and changing communication behavior. Couples therapy can also be a good way to go if problems have been around for a long time and both partners have the feeling that they are just going around in circles when looking for a solution. In any case, it is important that both partners are motivated to accept professional help.


2. Back to the beginning

Think back to the beginning of your partnership, the first date, and what you valued in each other back then. Create romantic situations where you can focus on each other and relive old memories. Show your appreciation, give compliments, and don’t forget to say “ I love you ” to resolve the relationship crisis. Do things you may have forgotten about, even if you don’t feel like it: go for a walk holding hands, kiss your forehead when you leave the house in the morning, write a thoughtful message, and tell your partner what you’re grateful for, even if it’s a topic. small.

3. Take a break from the relationship crisis

If you can’t come to a common ground despite intense arguments, a breakup in the relationship often helps, while anger and disappointment can lessen. The feeling of missing the other can also trigger a new appreciation.

Warning:   To get through the relationship crisis, you must speak calmly when you meet again for the first time.

4. Get out of your daily routine

Distance from everyday problems and a stress-free environment often help resolve a relationship crisis. Even if you don’t feel romantic, book a vacation or weekend getaway for two to see your relationship in a different light.

Conclusion: a relationship crisis can consolidate love

The reason it’s so complicated is that it develops insidiously long before open conflict occurs. Habits, external stressors, and crises or significant changes in the life of one or both partners can trigger a relationship crisis.

It often starts with small disagreements that aren’t discussed immediately, but that degenerate into conflict over a long period of time. Now, only a reflective examination of the problem, with the help of couples therapy or intensive discussions, helps resolve the crisis in the relationship. If you are successful and both partners are ready to take responsibility for problems, it can lead to a really fresh start and a strengthened love.

Checklist: Ways Out of Relationship Crisis 

  • Seek support from a neutral person.
  • Relive memories from the beginning of your relationship.
  • A temporary separation can help if the relationship is in crisis.
  • Change of location: Take a short trip just for two. Escaping from everyday life opens up new perspectives.