In every relationship, there are always doubts. This is part of such a great and wonderful feeling as love is simply part of it. Everyone yearns for it and deserves to find it! Some who have seen love come and then lose it have become more cautious. Sometimes someone wonders early on: is he or she right for me? Some singles aren’t sure if they want to be in a serious relationship. Even in couples who have been together for many years, it is not uncommon for a feeling of insecurity to appear over time.
But where does this feeling come from? We’ll show you how to regain clarity about your emotions and then make the right decisions about love.
The first doubts after the honeymoon phase
- Do I still want a relationship?
They were just clouds and now doubts suddenly arise. Worries and fears can arise from the beginning of a relationship. This is completely normal because everyone not only has expectations but also their own experiences. “Is it the right partner for me this time?” It’s a typical question, for example. The good thing is that it’s totally justified. Who wants to make the same mistakes over and over again or be disappointed again? In this way, doubts are a sign that we are taking care of ourselves. Last but not least, they help us not to set our standards too high from the start. Whether a great person can be your life partner isn’t clear on day one. It is often good to enjoy being in love in an unbiased way and without high expectations.Important: the first doubts in a relationship are common!
Relationships that last forever and are happy can also start with worry. By first seeing how serious they really are, we can better understand what we really want. Even if the chemistry is right between you and your partner, hormones can still go haywire. And when the first fall in love passes, it doesn’t mean that love is lost. But now is the time when it can enter a new phase. Therefore, doubts alone are not a sign of an inability to have a relationship. Once you allow the worries instead of ignoring them, they can help you see what’s important to you even more clearly. That’s the best way to get over it.
- A partner? For life?
Everyone has quirks. Sometimes it may be that they annoy us and we find that a certain behavior does not fit our ideas or desires. What you didn’t notice in those exciting first encounters can suddenly become downright irritating. These might be the proverbial socks someone leaves lying around. But they can also be distant values. One reason to look more closely now to see who the other person really is maybe that you fear losing and yet finding someone better, your true dream partner.Tip: talking help!
There is a good opportunity now to reach a new level in the relationship. Build trust and demand it. Say, “I noticed something I wanted to talk to you about.” When talking about your feelings, you can also formulate your affirmations. Say what you want in a real relationship. In this way, you give your partner a chance to engage with you and become even more clear about what your future path together will look like. Always start with you and your needs. What is important to you and what is close to your heart is always right. And the other is the same. When you take this into account, respect can arise.
It simply cannot be avoided: you compare the new partner with the old one. “Was it really that bad before?” It’s a question that shows that you’re not done with the past. Make sure these comparisons don’t obscure the new. If these questions keep repeating themselves, then you should now see what these old addictions are all about.Learn to let go. It’s easy to say, but not so easy to implement. But the effort is worth it. The new partner deserves to be received with confidence. And not only that: for you, there is also no reason to stay true to the old when something new is waiting for you. There is no need to think badly about the past. On the contrary, it can even be very relieving when you say goodbye to something inwardly, thank you for the experiences, and thus focus on the empowering moment.
Doubts in a long relationship
- Can it go on like this?
The initial euphoria is over! The butterflies in your stomach are gone. Everyday life is back and you realize that life as a couple is not just sunshine. In such a situation, doubts about the relationship are almost inevitable. If there are other concerns, work or family, nerves can quickly get on the edge and the relationship can go into crisis.Tip: Avoid drama
In every love, there are ups and downs. Get to the bottom of your suspicions at a lower stage. Maybe it’s outside influences that make you doubt? But perhaps the emotional foundation has really been lost or your needs are simply not being taken into account. It is very important that you and your partner talk to each other when you are clear. With an honest exchange, you can make many things easier for you and your partner and avoid major drama.
- Alone or together?
Don’t just swallow your doubts. Many couples break up because they don’t talk about their expectations. If you assume a certain behavior in the other and passively wait for it to be fulfilled, you are very likely to be disappointed. Don’t expect your partner to read all your wishes into your eyes. Instead, think together about what your future should look like and, above all, what is important to you! That’s how you find out what’s in each other – and what’s not!Our recommendation: as a couple, set a goal!
You have now reached a very important point where you can set the course for the future. In short, do we stay together or do we go our separate ways? To make your relationship a real union again, you must reflect on what you have in common. Recall your wishes, ideas, and goals for your partnership. Talk about what else you want to do together.
- It can be very simple things, like a shared hobby or a regular “date” in your favorite Italian. Or you can work together towards a new goal, like a driver’s license, with which you can reach completely new horizons. When both partners come together and pursue the same vision, a feeling of togetherness arises.
- If despite everything there is a risk of breakup.
If all that doesn’t help anymore and you’re just unhappy with your relationship, then you should definitely take action. Trust is the foundation of a successful relationship – and where it doesn’t exist, arguments and crises often arise. If you feel unhappy forever, you need to take action. A breakup is never nice, but it can be liberating.
A break or a final separation – what to do?
Nobody knows exactly what the future will bring. So make your decision now based on the situation. If you’re feeling bad and you’re constantly thinking about what you’re not but should be, then distance will help you see more clearly again. A temporary separation may be an option. But remember that problems are not out of the world. A second chance for your love is only possible if both partners want it and are willing to work on it. If you can’t get used to the idea or if your partner is hostile to it, you should and can decide to separate. Because it’s the best for you!
Bottom line: Doubt can help you do the right thing
How you deal with dark feelings for your partner is up to you. If you see relationship doubts as an opportunity to change something for the better, do it! But if you’re still not sure about the relationship and plague yourself with the same questions over and over, don’t change anything about your situation. There’s no reason to be unhappy. When you realize that you don’t want or can’t keep your relationship alive, you must take action and draw the line. You deserve to be happy!