It’s a well-known dilemma: you have one date after another, it’s promising nights you’ve been waiting for a long time. But it quickly becomes clear – the chemistry is wrong and the spark just doesn’t want to ignite. But how can you avoid always finding the wrong partner? In fact, this is not rocket science, because each person can be assigned to certain types of relationships. Knowing who you are and learning to evaluate your encounters can save you a lot of frustration.
Relationship types in the survey test: proximity versus distance
It’s important to be clear about your type and learn to evaluate other people to build a lasting and, above all, happy relationship. Since relationship types are not only characterized by different characteristics, they also provide insights into how you and your girlfriend fit together. At the same time, the different types are by no means mutually exclusive – because those who are aware of their characteristics can work with them. This broad field has been explored in many studies and the results provide interesting insights. If you’re asking yourself, “What kind of relationship do I want?” this might be the answer.
3 types of relationships according to Heller and Levine
According to psychiatrist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel Heller, everyone craves attachment and relationships. However, problems and misunderstandings arise again and again, especially in couple relationships, which end in an argument. Consequently, finding a partner can pose some problems. For years, the two scientists have been examining relationship types and gathering research findings. The result is three types with their own dynamics and characteristics – completely independent of the types of women or men.
1. The type of relationship with fear: concern for closeness
The defining feeling, in this case, is already in the name: the anxious guy is very preoccupied with the relationship, often wondering if his partner loves him or if his boyfriend gives him enough attention. Result: people with these traits need a lot of closeness – and are quickly offended when the other person distances themselves.
Good to know: A fearful guy can be picked up by a secure partner, but he’s mainly characterized by being quick to bond. This relationship is characterized by excessive attachment behavior and accompanied by constant worrying – but slowly one can learn to trust and overcome this behavior.
2. The elusive relationship type: distance wins
The avoidant type focuses on their own freedom and independence. A partnership or any form of intimacy, especially an emotional one, is quickly equated with the loss of one’s independence.
Good to know: The best way to recognize the avoidance type of relationship is to send mixed signals. He wants a relationship — but he doesn’t “give up” too much on himself. This can be quite tiring for a dating partner as he never knows what it is all about. But just like the fearful type, a person who runs away from commitments can learn to accept them.
3. The type of safe relationship: The safe harbor
According to Heller and Levine, this category includes most people over 50 percent. It is characteristic of this type that he allows and enjoys closeness, but does not fall into extremes. As a result, he has the best starting position for a long-term, stable relationship.
Good to know: The secure type is the perfect middle ground, and for a long-term relationship, it’s definitely the goal for both partners. Because he understood: proximity is good, but too much of a good thing can quickly end in a bad thing. He’s a safe haven, but he knows that major relationship concerns won’t move the partnership forward.
However, all these types of relationships are not final parameters and can certainly change. But being aware of this can help you reflect on your own behavior and also help you interpret the other person’s behavior.
4 Relationship Types Tested by the University of Illinois
Researchers at the University of Illinois took a closer look at pair constellations, and in their 2016 study, they examined a total of 376 couples over nine months. According to the researchers’ findings, four different types of relationships emerged, which, however, focus less on the individual and more on the relationship constellations themselves.
Unlike Heller and Levine, you haven’t asked yourself which person should be assigned what type and what dynamics emerge as a result, but rather illuminate what interaction there is in partnerships – and how strong the common bond is over a long period of time.
1. Alternating passion and quarrel
The first category represents the roller coaster of emotions that many people are familiar with. There are constant arguments, and the relationship is always on the edge of a cliff – and yet the partners remain together.
Why: The relationship is not necessarily more unstable due to constant arguments. According to researchers, this type is characterized by a roller coaster of emotions. A conflict is followed by a decision in the relationship, which in turn leads to passion and attraction – before the next argument comes along.
Good to know: this guy is by no means “worse” than the others – as long as both partners show the same temperament. According to the researchers, however, this constellation is unbearable in the long run and these couples are likely to break up after a long time — or change roles.
2. Fixation on the partner par excellence
Everyone knows this couple who just can’t keep their hands off each other. This constellation also belongs to relationship types: two people who spend a lot of time together and only really get involved in something together. This type is cautious, reflects on the mutual relationship, and strives for the other – and: According to the researchers, steady partners are the most satisfied because both partners have a great need for bonding. Consequently, this constellation has the best chance of sticking together permanently.
Good to know: according to the “Relationship Type Test”, this constellation found its happiness in being together. If both partners enjoy it, this relationship is also happy – although it is characterized by dependencies.
3. Social activities in the same group of friends
Socially active couples are usually characterized by a group of friends and acquaintances with whom they enjoy many activities. This type of couple tends to feel very connected and feel a greater sense of closeness with their partner.
Good to know: this guy draws particular qualities from the same circle of friends. It shows stability when you can bring relationships and friends under one roof without any problems. These relationships are long-term and usually have a strong foundation of friendship, also between lovers.
4. Dramatic but not happy
The last constellation the researchers were able to locate are the dramatic couples. A great and bright start to a relationship is often followed by a bumpy ending – as these partners often see each other less than couples in other relationship types. Devotion is characterized by constant ups and downs, the relationship is often bad – and then quickly gives up.
Good to know: Without passion, constant bickering over trivia wears you out in the long run. But there’s also hope for dramatic couples: because every relationship can change into a different kind, as with so many other things in life, nothing is set in stone.
With “relationship types test” for certainty
But enough with the theory – in practice, it’s even more important to recognize what kind of relationship you yourself are. Perhaps you can already read between the lines which direction you are going. However, the Parship self-test brings certainty, try:
The choice of partner should also depend on the type
It’s important to know yourself before you can deal with relationship types. Your own emotional world also shapes your relationships and the people you get along with. Anyone who has already taken a “relationship type test” before their dates and is aware of where they might rank is quickly able to rate their own counterpart. That way, you don’t waste unnecessary time on dates that don’t work out because they shouldn’t. You can focus much more on what’s important – the perfect partner that suits you with all your character traits.