Still believe in love
It has not always been a long, calm river without waves or headwinds. It has not always been rosy as they say, passionate or romantic, carefree.
There have been eddies, ups and downs, arguments, shouts, even crises.
Bursts of voice to shake the walls, silences heavy with reproaches, tears carrying rage and sadness. Disagreements, misunderstandings, distance, tensions.
A fed-up routine, the daily grind that eats, boredom sometimes, doubts, an absence of desire, the flame that flickers.
Yes there was all this and there are still days with and days without, reproaches, words that carry, silences that distance, tears that frustrate.
But, despite these moments, they are still there. Together. Together. Welded, linked, united, against all odds. Sincere, in love.
Oh, no bunker not in love like on the first day , but always one with the other, benevolent, concerned about the happiness of the other. Continuing to advance on the same life path even if it has sometimes been tortuous. Their strength surely resides in this acceptance that everything cannot be perfect. They know that. They recognize it. But that does not detract from the commitment, the love, the dedication, the sense of family.
This sincerity of the heart and this desire to lead a happy life for oneself and for the other, with the other, bring down the obstacles. Not without tears, not without pain. But recognizing the difficulty, overcoming things together, questioning yourself and giving yourself the means to move forward, to continue together, was obvious.
And they did. They’re doing it.
They? These couples still together after ten, twenty, thirty, forty years of common life or marriage. Our parents, our grandparents.
A model? An ideal? Or a vision of the couple and of obsolete love, impossible today? The love that lasts is no longer in tune with the times it seems. Should we accept it, is this logical, symptomatic of our current societies, of our consumption patterns? Is it inevitable?
It is often said that before, in the days of our grandparents, couples stayed together by obligation. That we did not separate by tradition, for fear of the gaze of others, of what we will say. That the women did not leave for lack of profession, of means, that they muzzle their desire for freedom. For fear of judgment. That we stayed together because we had committed ourselves for life in front of witnesses, that it was not “done”. Some even say that love did not necessarily count, that feelings were optional. Whether they are there or not, whether they evaporate over the years or not, we had to stay.
This is true for some couples, as it always is. Stay together out of habit, comfort, fear of the unknown, of the gaze of others, out of obligation, out of fear of loneliness. It will always exist.
But what matters, is it not rather the happiness of couples who cross the years together, who have made their love a force to build a happy life for two?
De-love is something sad, painful and you cannot force yourself to pretend to love the other person indefinitely. But loneliness is also hard to live with. We say that we know what we lose, never what we gain. You have to stop looking for someone better when you have found someone good. San playing with proverbs, without praising the couple, the fact of staying together at all costs, there is still an enormous part of truth in all this.
As we know, there will be trials to go through. Life is made like this. But alone or as a couple, life holds unpleasant surprises. Isn’t it better to be accompanied to face them? Yes, it is true the couple can generate tensions, contradictory feelings, uncertainties. But is it not better to suffer from love in order to love afterwards than to never feel anything?
What if we just took the time?
Time to watch, get to know, discover, get to know each other. Time to see and look at each other, talk and confide, listen and hear each other, comfort and let go, support and stimulate yourself? Simply share? Take the time to feel, desire, love? Allow time for sensations, emotions, feelings of being born and hatching. Love to settle down, really.
This is often summed up in an expression, marriage or not, ” for better and for worse “. Usually the worst happens when you tear yourself apart and end up leaving each other. Not when you choose to stay together. To each his own model, to each his conception of love, of the couple, of happiness for two.
When I look at them, I know the hardships they have gone through, the doubts that have sometimes shaken them.
But I also and above all see the unique bond that defines them, the force of love that is still there despite everything, that drives them forward. Maybe I have matured. Simply aged. My vision of love changed because I myself understood the importance of compromises, concessions, dialogue while remaining myself. The need to question yourself while sharing even negative emotions. I have always admired and been moved by these couples who cross time together but I had this question, this doubt in my head: “Do they still love each other, really?” “
I wondered if it was possible, if it made us happy, if we could continue to love each other despite the wear and tear of love.
Today I understood that yes, the love that lasts, it exists. That for some it will always be as fusional and passionate, for others it will be more tender, more affectionate. Whatever.
Everyone has their own way of living love, of loving, of being in love. His way of sharing it, feeling it, living it. As long as this vision of love is shared and reciprocal, as long as we are on the same wavelength. As long as there are two of us.
To you who have loved you for so long in your own way, who build your relationship day after day, who understand that love is reinvented and must be preserved. That when something is damaged, you can fix it and not necessarily throw it away. To all of you who “don’t joke with love”, thank you, you are a source of inspiration.