How many women have started a relationship in love with an apparently charming person … so that, sometime later, they discovered behind that mask someone truly cruel capable of turning their life into a real nightmare? Such is the psychological abusers, offering their best version during the conquest, and later turning the relationship into a prison of suffering.
If you want to know how these types of people act in their relationship, here are 15 signs that can tell you if you are suffering from this type of abuse.
15 Signs of psychological abuse in a relationship
Hopefully, while you read these signs you do not feel identified:
1. He crushes you psychologically if you arouse interest in the opposite gender
One of the most characteristic and common traits of psychological abusers is blaming yourself for arousing attraction in other men despite the fact that you show no interest in those other people.
When it happens, he feels very insecure because he feels that his role in your life is in danger, even if there are no real reasons for it. However, instead of acknowledging their unfounded fear, they act by focusing their discomfort on you and blaming you for triggering these types of situations.
In these cases, the psychological abusers determine the way their partner dresses or if they use makeup. He will try by all means to stop being attractive in the eyes of others, including in his way of being; If you are a nice, warm and sociable person, they will find a way to prevent you from showing yourself naturally to other people.
2. Isolates you from your family and friends
You feel that since you are with him, your healthy relationships of friendship and with your relatives are cooling down; You may have stopped talking to these people on the phone often, that the possibilities you had before to see them do not arise … and you feel as if everything is mysteriously changing so that you can enjoy these people less and less.
Behind these distances, there are constant bad faces or criticism when you mention someone you appreciate. Or simply, your partner becomes the uncomfortable and unpleasant guest who ends up spoiling the moments shared with the rest of your loved ones. Because the reality is that he tries to boycott your connection with anyone other than himself and it is his way of achieving it.
3. Control everything that connects you to the world
It can be about your mobile, your email, or perhaps your social networks, although it can also be about your expenses or the use you make of your free time. The point is that you have the feeling (or certainty) that you need his approval whatever he does, and his constant supervision.
The reason is that he does not trust you, of course, even if there is no reason why you have shown him that he can fully trust your way of being and acting.
He is probably the person who deserves the least trust.
4. Pathological jealousy
It is one thing to have a feeling of jealousy in certain situations in which it would be normal, such as perceiving that your partner is fooling around with someone, and quite another to have a pathological reaction of jealousy to any interaction that person has with others of the opposite gender.
When psychological abusers begin to present this type of attitude, be very careful, because normally this type of reaction goes hand in hand with violence.
5. Fear of telling your problems to your environment
Have you stopped opening up to people you trust when it comes to talking about your emotions and your experiences as a couple? Do you feel that even without him present you feel self-conscious when it comes to verbalizing your concerns or talking about his recurring outbursts?
What is behind this concealment of reality is fear; his reaction and the consequences if he finds out.
6. He criticizes you
Perhaps it was not like that at first, when he showed himself with his most friendly and seductive face, but since you are together as a couple he does not stop berating you for your mistakes or bringing out your flaws (or rather, what he considers to be defects).
In the minds of psychological abusers, there is no option of providing you with elements that can positively contribute to your self-esteem, because they really love you as a docile and submissive person. To do this, undermining your self-confidence is one way to achieve it.
7. Makes you insecure
It has probably made you doubt even your abilities and your personal worth, even your self-sufficiency. It is possible that he has even looked for a way to prevent you from being financially independent to prevent you from leaving his side because of the inability to fend for yourself.
Try to reaffirm yourself in your way of being, in how you perceived yourself before he appeared in your life, in the way that people who love you and know you well see you. And don’t let your own vision of yourself distort or stop defending your self-reliance. Who loves you well, does so by loving your best version of yourself, not destroying it.
8. Pours his anger on you
It is almost a hallmark of psychological abusers: they pour all their anger on the person with whom they have the most confidence, which is you. The worst thing about this is the perversion with which they respond to your complaint that this happens: That they try to sell you that that is also being for your partner in bad times.
Don’t be fooled, it is one thing to listen to him and give him your support and quite another to receive the bad manners and anger that have to do with his conflicts with other people or situations.
9. He punishes you with his violent explosion and then with his indifference
Her constant mood swings of unpredictable origin are followed by reactions of great verbal and gestural violence with which she makes you feel attacked even if it does not transcend the physical plane. And if that weren’t enough, after making you feel terrible, without understanding what happened, he can spend days ignoring you or treating you with contempt.
In the end, you stop knowing what to say or what to do so as not to provoke more situations like that that leave you emotionally devastated, which means that you stop behaving and expressing yourself freely.
Don’t ask yourself what you have done. You have probably done absolutely nothing, much less reprehensible, but don’t expect a normal or logical reaction from your partner. In any case, it is not up to you to look for solutions or ask yourself how to improve things next time. In him, the problem begins and ends. Do not forget.
10. You inhibit your greatest virtues because they are precisely what irritates him the most
The reason is simple: psychological abusers don’t want you to shine in your own light, that’s why they try to turn you off.
He probably didn’t show up like that at first, during the first stage where he was trying to seduce you and you could see how he was attracted to all those aspects of you that make you special.
But precisely because he is aware of your charms that he tries by all means to hide them from the sight of others. It especially irritates him that someone other than him makes a positive assessment of you. Do not forget that he wants you annulled and for this, he tries to undermine your self-esteem.
11. You feel self-conscious talking to him because his reactions are unpredictable and explosive
What for anyone is normal, healthy, and inherent in a good relationship, such as fluid, open communication, and without taboos, is a utopia for you.
And it is that when your partner can go from normality to yelling, cynicism, and degradation as soon as you say something that would be normal and innocuous for anyone else, you feel as if you are constantly on a minefield; you don’t know how to move or where to step because everything can explode into the air.
In the end, he achieves his goal; You neither express yourself nor do you feel courageous to act without their consent. Don’t get into that game. Do not allow him to destroy your freedom of expression.
12. He addresses you with orders and with disdain
Nothing to ask, suggest, or consult. He believes he has the power to order you to do whatever he wants as if the world revolves around him and there is no other option than to satisfy his own desires.
In addition, he uses a tone in which contempt is enclosed, because he really considers you below him, or at least he believes that by doing so he positions you at that level (which is where he wants to have you).
13. You cannot count on his support
Never. Never. If you have a problem … it’s not that much of a problem. And if it is, you’ll get by, even if it has to do with him.
Just as he feels the certainty and security of deserving that you go out of his way to help him, satisfy his needs, and hopes to see you proactive in the face of what concerns him, it is also just as obvious in his understanding to think that your problems are something that he does not care about. it should alter your well-being the least.
14. The only way to avoid an argument is for you to give in
Once he has made it clear to you what are the consequences of coming into conflict with him, through his bad manners, his yelling, and other forms of abuse that he has started on those occasions, he will expect you to fear his reaction and try to avoid arguments or what could detonate them.
And if the conflict has already occurred, he will assume that it is you who will have to give up, and also do it soon if you do not want his reaction to being more explosive.
15. You don’t really know why, but you feel a great sense of injustice and abuse in your relationship with your partner
If this is your case, perhaps your situation is even worse, since it is a type of perverse violence in which psychological abusers slyly cover up all kinds of grievances, so that it is very difficult for the abused person to explain it to your trusted environment.
In any case, if you perceive among these signs traits of your partner typical of psychological abusers, seek advice as soon as possible and request help to safely get out of a situation that endangers your personal integrity.