In any relationship, there is a fear of the future. Will we stay together forever? When will this relationship end? How can I prevent a break up? After much research on the couple, Doctor John Gottman can help answer this concern.
Doctor John M. Gottman is a professor of psychology renowned for his work on couple relationships. He is a professional in romance analysis and is fully aware of what keeps them intact and stable. Moreover, in a study, he predicted with an accuracy of 93.6% the couples who would divorce in the following years.
Dr. Gottman has done quite a bit of research over the years and made significant discoveries, all in the name of love (and staying in love).
During this research, he discovered the four main communication problems that inevitably destroy a relationship, nicknamed “the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”. Here they are :
Who likes to be criticized? No one, that’s the answer. If you constantly criticize your partner, he will hardly want to stick around.
Criticism is a way to belittle your partner; it makes him feel like he is not loved. Criticism is characterized by expressions such as: “you always do”, “you never do” and this makes the partner feel unimportant.
To be on the defensive
Being on the defensive is the dreadful counterpart of criticism. When you are on the defensive, you are just creating negative communication.
A defensive attitude is characterized by mutual complaints, whining and, overall, immaturity. Do not be on your guard – it leads to nothing.
Contempt is the most dangerous of the “horsemen”. It is simply disdain towards your partner, or the fact of feeling superior to him. This is clearly not how a healthy relationship works.
Do not make your partner feel bad. Contempt is characterized by constant insults, hostile humor and mockery and it is frankly not a thing to do.
Making elusive responses is a huge problem in relationships, characterized by silence and a change of subject during a discussion, in short, avoidance. This happens when one of the partners mentally withdraws from a relationship in order to avoid conflicts. It doesn’t help; in fact, it just makes things worse.
So what to do? Does your relationship as a couple include any of these characteristics? Do not worry. There is always a solution to this situation.
Practice good communication. Give up silence and sufficient attitudes. Always be honest when communicating with your partner and make sure you listen to them carefully.
Stop taking everything personally when your partner expresses a concern or an opinion. Do not be defensive and focus on the problem at hand.