In any relationship, there is a fear of the future. Will we stay together forever? When will this relationship end? How can I prevent a break? After extensive research on the couple, Dr. John Gottman can help you address this concern.
Dr. John M. Gottman is a professor of psychology known for his work on the relationship of couples. He is a romance analysis professional and is perfectly aware of what keeps them intact and stable. In fact, in one study, he predicted with a precision of 93.6% the couples who would divorce in the following years.
Dr. Gottman has done quite significant research over the years and made significant discoveries, all in the name of love (and staying in love).
During this research, he discovered the four main communication problems that inevitably destroy a relationship, nicknamed “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”. Here they are :
Who likes to be criticized? Nobody, that’s the answer. If you constantly criticize your partner, he will not be eager to stay around.
Criticism is a way of belittling your partner; it gives him the impression of not being loved. Criticism is characterized by expressions such as “you always do,” “you never do,” and it makes the partner feel unimportant.
To be on the defensive
Being on the defensive is the horrible counterpart of criticism. When you’re on the defensive, you’re just creating negative communication.
A defensive attitude is characterized by mutual complaints, whining and, overall, immaturity. Do not be on your guard – this leads to nothing.
Contempt is the most dangerous of “horsemen”. It is simply disdained for your partner, or feeling superior to him. This is clearly not how a healthy relationship works.
Do not make your partner feel bad. Contempt is characterized by constant insults, a hostile mood, and mockery and it is frankly not a thing to do.
Making evasive answers is a huge problem in relationships. This is characterized by silence and a change of subject during a discussion, in short by avoidance. This happens when one of the partners mentally withdraws from a relationship to avoid conflict. But that does not help; in fact, it only makes things worse.
So, what to do? Does your relationship include any of these characteristics? Do not worry. There is always a solution to this situation.
Practice good communication. Give up silence and sufficient attitudes. Always be honest when communicating with your partner and listen carefully.
Stop taking everything personally when your partner expresses a concern or an opinion. Do not be on the defensive and focus on the problem in question.
Avoid criticizing your partner. Nobody is perfect and he/she either. Relax and stop being so critical of each of his actions.