Many people talk about wanting and loving naturally, but do you know how to differentiate these feelings?
Wanting and loving are words that we normally use without clearly understanding their meaning and what to say each of these words implies, because although we sometimes believe that they are similar, there is a big difference between wanting and loving .
When we understand the language we use, it becomes a tool to express what we truly feel. If we say that we love or love a person , are we saying what that person really makes us feel? This is why it is essential that we know the difference between wanting and loving, we will explain it to you.
What does it mean to want?
In our relationships there appear a series of intense feelings towards the other person that are transformed and, in this sense, defining the difference between loving and loving someone. This is why we often confuse these two words, so let’s start by defining each of the feelings.
The RAE defines wanting as “wanting or pretending [something]” and “feeling affection or love for [someone]”. They also define wanting as a verb that means “to have the desire, the will or the intention to do, possess or achieve something.” If we take these definitions we can highlight some fundamental concepts to understand what it means to want : wanting implies a feeling of affection or love added to the desire and the will to possess something, or, in the case of relationships, someone.
When we start a love relationship , we have gone out a couple of times and we are beginning our stage of infatuation and defining the relationship, the feeling that appears is that of wanting. At this moment, we know that there is a higher than normal feeling towards that person and that we want it in the sense of possession of this word.
That is to say, we want that person who makes our hearts race to be ours , we want to have their company, their attention, their affection, and that feeling towards the other person becomes a kind of objective; here lies the difference between wanting and loving.
As the book The Little Prince explains well, “to want is to take possession of something, of someone. It is looking for in others that which fulfills personal expectations of affection, of company. To want is to make our own what does not belong to us, it is to own or wish for something to complete ourselves, because at some point we recognize ourselves ”.
What does it mean to love?
Now, let’s give meaning to the word love . You will see that, with the two definitions, you will realize the difference between wanting and loving.
The RAE defines the verb to love as “having love for someone or something.” A very specific definition that leads us to look for another meaning: what is love? According to the RAE, love is “an intense feeling of the human being who, starting from his own insufficiency, needs and seeks the encounter and union with another being”. A “feeling towards another person that naturally attracts us and that, seeking reciprocity in the desire for union, completes us, makes us happy and gives energy to live together, communicate and create” or “feeling of affection, inclination and dedication to someone or something”.
So, under these definitions we can highlight the concepts that define loving someone: when we love our partner , we have already stopped wanting that person to be ours and in total freedom of both, we surrender to them because we need them, because we generate a encounter and a bond of union that completes us and makes us happy. Loving is built with time and it happens when we have passed that stage of falling in love in which we love each other.
The 4 differences between loving and loving someone
Now that we have defined wanting and loving, you already know their main difference, however, we are going to go into more detail in this difference so that, if you do not know if you love or love your partner , you have a series of indications that will help you to define it.
1. Loving and loving mean something different
When we love a person we feel affection for him a little stronger than normal and we have a feeling of possession, we want him to be ours. When we love that person, we no longer want him to be ours, we need him and we give ourselves to him.
2. The signs of wanting or loving are different
You can also realize the difference between wanting and loving from the signs. If you are experiencing all the signs of falling in love , that is, you need to see that person all the time, you are watching your mobile every minute to find out about her and what she is doing, your judgment is doubtful and you make decisions more lightly; These and others are signs of loving a person .
On the other hand, if what you feel is absolute trust and loyalty towards that person , patience in each one’s time, you are willing to make sacrifices for him, to think about his needs, you have the will to accept everything from him and from him. fix the differences that may arise, then we are talking about that you love that person.
3. Wanting and loving don’t feel the same
There are other types of feelings around wanting or loving that can also tell us what we really feel for the person we are with.
In principle, we can associate a feeling of euphoria to the stage in which we love that person, that type of excitement and that smile on our faces that does not fade, that brings with it falling in love and that can make us think that we love the other person even though this is not real yet. But feelings of anxiety or emptiness can also appear depending on how the relationship with this person develops.
On the other hand, emotions are deeper when we love , because we feel much more free to let those feelings surface. Affection, trust, stability, happiness and loyalty are a fundamental part of loving. We accept the other as he is and as he is, that is why love is unconditional. In addition, at this time there is communication between the two and the desire to face the problems that may arise as a couple.
4. Temporality is different
It may seem a bit strange, but temporality is also part of the difference between wanting and loving. In wanting, time is now, it is the immediate moment in which we are falling in love and which, in some cases, can begin quickly. The truth is that wanting does not always evolve and is a temporary feeling that can disappear .
With loving it is different, as it is a process that takes place gradually over time. You do not need the immediate moment because when you love, you have already overcome that stage of falling in love, and it is a feeling that grows over time and can even last a lifetime. Of course, it is clear that no one knows what the future holds but in your present, you feel that unconditional love as an infinite love that cannot do anything other than continue to grow.