How to be happy as a couple?
How do people manage to be happy as a couple? How do they make this love last for years? How do we go beyond our differences and disagreements? Is there a manual? A recipe that could help me see more clearly?
I will try to help you based on the book ” Happy couples have their secrets “. This book gives many exercises to reflect on the vision of the couple and the future.
According to the author, John Gottman, there are 7 keys that will allow you to open the door to happiness:
1. No compromise
Do not discuss the hours in the hope of convincing the other. If he does what you asked him it will be a form of “I do it because it has to be done” … This is not how a happy couple works.
A couple that works in harmony does not require one to do the cleaning and the other to take out the trash. Everyone does it automatically without the partner having to ask.
We must manage to make the couple become a symphony: the tasks of life must be done naturally without clashes or anger. For that you have to speak and take the time to explain what you feel, how you see things and listen to the other person’s point of view.
Nothing should be done to “please” because it is the door open to frustrations and reproaches to come.
- to speak before asking.
- to listen before expressing your point of view.
- to take into account what the other is saying before approaching your vision.
2. Find the right distance
When we love tend to want to be with each other all the time. We wonder what he does when he is not with us and we would even tend to send him too many SMS. To keep the loved one you have to respect his independence. Before he knew you he had a life, friends and activities, no reason for that to change with the relationship.
So you have to find the right distance between respecting your individuality and the love you feel which tends to make you merge. There is no point in being in constant contact. Enjoy your life and your friends and have the crazy pleasure of telling all this to your dear and tender at night.
3. Friendship: the basis of a balanced relationship
When I speak of friendship I especially mean that a working couple is based on mutual respect for the differences of the other.
It is by respecting who it is that you will perpetuate your story over time. Learn not to stumble on futile flaws that you will not change. You have to take the time to know your life and the particularities that make you person. It’s a whole set of details that will make the difference in the hardships of a relationship.
Disputes are part of a couple’s life. It is useful because it allows us to move forward in our mutual visions and find common ground that we would not necessarily have imagined.
We must accept that the other does not agree.
You have to accept that it is different.
We must take the time to listen, speak, and find a common understanding on the subject of discord.
5. Trust, respect and admiration
For a relationship to work, there must be the right combination of three ingredients: trust, respect and admiration.
Confidence is the glue of the couple; it helps to remove all the fears and anxieties linked to abandonment and the fear of losing the other.
Respect is just as essential because it avoids tensions and heated arguments. He is there to remind us that we sincerely love and that the couple is a foundation.
Admiration is essential because otherwise love is wobbly and does not last in the future. If you don’t admire your lover, sooner or later you will look at another more “admirable” man.
All this allows everyone to express themselves and deliver themselves without being afraid of judgment. We can talk about their fears, fears, and doubts because we know that the other will accept our word and take the time to discuss.
6. Exit conflicts
Let’s just decide to be happy!
The problems to be solved are a waste of time: doubts about the couple and blame for it are a battle of ego that leads to nothing.
We have the right to disagree. You have the right to be in a bad mood or not want to spend an evening with your partner … Chaining the other is not the thing to do! Let conflicts and disagreements stifle themselves and accept each other and their differences will make you the perfect partner! Emphasize the positive aspects of your relationship and compliment your partner by highlighting their qualities, strengths, and persistence. Make the choice to try to understand the other instead of making people understand. You will have much more to gain by accepting the vision of the other who will subsequently accept much more of you than if you stay on your positions.