Tricky subject when it comes to romantic relationships, infidelity is often the subject of many debates : should we accept, forgive, condemn .. But basically, a fundamental question arises: why some people deceive more than d ‘others?
For Kelly Campbell, associate professor of psychology at the University of California, this question raises another question: is the human being formatted for monogamy? As she explains to the MyDomaine site : “Some people are naturally in tune with the concept of loyalty and the values it carries. But for others, this is not obvious”.
“Deceiving one day, always deceiving?”
What are “unfaithful profiles” and why do they do so? Kelly Campbell identifies three major reasons that lead to infidelity: individual motivations, adultery linked to the relationship and exceptional situations.
The individual motivations of a person predisposed to deceive his partner confirm in a way the famous adage “deceiver one day, deceiver always”. According to Professor Campbell, a penchant for chronic infidelity can manifest itself in people with a narcissistic temperament who are constantly in need of receiving compliments.
But it can also reflect a lack of self-confidence. In specific cases, adultery is mainly committed to reassure the infidel about his own power of seduction. “Religious and / or political convictions are also criteria to take into account,” said Professor Campbell.
Changing jobs can open the door to new temptations
When infidelity is committed by a person who is not used to cheating on his partner, the reasons are revealed to be radically different. In this specific case, it is obviously necessary to ask why we did this.
Is it because the relationship no longer satisfies us? For Kelly Campbell, this motif remains the most common. “Previous research has shown that sexual dissatisfaction and frequent conflicts within a couple are at an increased risk of infidelity. It has also been proven that partners with different personalities or very different levels of education are more likely to resort to infidelity, “she says.
And then there is the infidelity caused by so-called “exceptional” situations. They refer to sudden major changes in the life of one of the two partners, such as changing jobs or moving to another city following a professional transfer. And indeed, in a brand new environment, the context is conducive to meetings and therefore temptations …
What to do if you are a victim of infidelity?
Unraveling the personality of a person who has committed adultery and identifying the reasons why he did so can help you manage this delicate situation. At first, the expert proposes to ask the question “Is it because of me that he did this or not?”. If you believe that adultery was committed because of a flaw in your relationship, your field of action is wide. But beware: the problem will probably not be solved overnight.
Kelly Campbell recommends first communicating with her partner. “Ask him why they did it in order to hear his side of the story. Start the conversation with an open mind and without judging him, otherwise he may turn upside down and tell you only what you want to hear. . ” Still according to Kelly Campbell, it is also important to determine if the person in question feels remorse for his actions. If so, you can already work together on what is not working in your relationship.
But above all, don’t forget to think about how you feel and if you are ready to “throw in the towel”. Otherwise, you will not be able to leave on a healthy basis. “If your partner has cheated on you, it is a sign that their needs have not been met. But what about yours? Do you consider your value before making your decision.” If Kelly Campbell is to be believed, forgiving an infidelity can, in some cases, prove to be beneficial for your couple. Provided, of course, that the relationship is worth it.
