The stages of a couple: Passion, opposition and balance

There are different stages that occur throughout the romantic relationship. It is normal to go through phases of euphoria, then go back down to earth, to ask questions, to become a little more independent of each other, to live difficult times when one feels rejected while the other requires more freedom, where one has the feeling of loving more than the other and vice versa… All these feelings, these stages are known to all couples. Let’s see together the three stages of a couple.

The 4 stages of a couple:

Step of a couple # 1: Passion

In the popular sense, as we hear at first glance, passion would be synonymous with a strong affection or even admiration, but also synonymous with ” intense love  “. Passion would be ”  a very strong emotion which (would go against) reason “. Philosophy has also taken an interest in this concept. It goes beyond the widespread connotations associated as we have just seen with love, with romance and which is automatically linked to a feeling of joy. “The philosophical notion, in contrast, is identified by biologically perceived emotional states like anger, lust, or the like of the seven deadly sins. In the modern sense, passion is an exclusive inclination towards an object, a lasting and violent emotional state in which a psychological imbalance occurs (the object of passion occupies the mind excessively). Finally, everything is linked.

The passionate (or fusional) phase corresponds to the beginning, it is located between the seduction phase and the opposition phase.

The feeling of well-being

A feeling of well-being invades the two lovers and everything seems embellished, the daily problems lose their importance, their love is enough. You are well aware of this period when you can lie in bed for a whole weekend, looking at each other in sweet fashion, smiling at each other stupidly, watching stupid films that we don’t even listen to. Yes, I’m talking about this period when you can make love five times a day without ever getting tired of the other person’s body, always asking for more. This period where one wakes up with sparks in the eyes when discovering the other still asleep. This period when there is ultimately no story between the two beings but where lovers are totally blinded by the factitious perfection of their partner.

Each seems to correspond perfectly to the expectations of the other, we are not yet aware of the points of divergence, only the common points arouse attention and seem extraordinary: ”  You also like to take baths? It’s crazy how we look alike! ” Each detail is a pretext to prove each other’s commonalities.

The crying when the other is not there

This period can sometimes cause a few crises of tears: lack, absence, feeling of abandonment. The feeling of love does exist, unlike Love. And this feeling is so strong that as soon as our other half is far from us, we feel discomfort, a sadness hitherto unknown, as if we had been torn from part of ourselves.

In summary, this is a phase where hearts intertwine and one does not ask questions. We are happy, why would we ask questions?

But this period cannot last indefinitely…

Step of a couple # 2: The opposition

Unfortunately for us, humans have a natural tendency to get bored, to like contradiction and to rationalize too much. The opposition phase is often very badly experienced by one or the other of the two partners.

Let me explain: after a certain time, the fusional phase fades (1 year / 2 years / 3 years or more, everything depends on the context: if you live together, if you are at a distance…) and the one of the two lovers begins by taking distance from his couple. He begins to oppose the other, to no longer acquiesce in each sentence, to no longer agree, to point the finger at the famous divergences and faults of the other which have so far remained in the shadows.

Questions that arise during the couple’s opposition phase: 

This period is often experienced as disillusionment. One has the impression of having been taken in by the goods if I dare to express myself in this way. And it is often at this time that many couples separate . The first TRUE disputes arise, we no longer understand each other or at least, we have the impression that the other can no longer understand us, a period of frustrations and doubts:

– Why did he love me so much before?

– He prefers to go see his friends rather than stay with me in the evening … Does he have a mistress?

– What happened? We loved each other like crazy, we never got bored even when we had nothing to do.

–          He blames me for never doing the dishes but he never hangs up the laundry. I find it really swollen. Hmm it has changed too much I don’t recognize it anymore.

– What if I was better with this guy who orders a glass of red wine?

– And if I went out with my friends too, I want to feel attractive.

–           Do I still love him?

(…) In short, you understand.

The real problem with this phase is that it is often badly experienced by one or the other. If the two partners accepted this period, their story would continue normally. Only, most of the time, the woman (yes it is often the woman!) Is still in the fusional phase while the man begins to enter the opposition. Nostalgia then takes place in the feminine spirit and the lover will not cease to remember the passionate phase, which she loved so much…

Period when communication is essential, but where it is often difficult to express oneself … 

Step of a couple # 3: Independence

Over time, we realize with reason that the other is different but that it was perhaps his difference that had made us crack in the beginning. The two partners each react in their own way to this awareness. One accepts the situation, the other is resigned, one lets it go, the other still tries to change his partner, in vain.

When the two partners have found balance and happiness without having this need for exclusivity, they will then enter the phase of independence and will then focus on their respective little people. It’s time for personal development. The man will re-enter the sport and the woman will develop her creativity through cooking lessons (HUMOR). Each in their own way will rediscover activities that they had abandoned, blinded by the other.

We often tend to forget ourselves in our relationship, and this phase is important to find a balance in life. Despite its necessity, you should not stagnate too long in this phase because it can also have harmful effects: moving away from the other.

Step of a couple # 4: Happiness

What I call “happiness” is none other than this moment when you have really found the balance between love, friends, work, activities, family … You will love yourself but will no longer need the other as during the passionate phase. You will be independent but will realize that you cannot live without your other half. You will be fine. Just fine.