Divorce counseling: what to expect and what are its benefits
Divorce is a setback, especially after a couple of years of marriage. Deciding on divorce is always difficult, which is why most couples opt for divorce counseling to give their relationship one more chance. It is a form of couples therapy where couples can discharge all their stress and problems related to the relationship and work on it with professional guidance. In most cases where the problems are not too great, the results are quite good. It results in a better emotional and psychological state of the couple and a better quality of life in general.
9 pre-counseling questions troubled couples should ask themselves
1. What are the main problems you face?
The first thing a couple should research and ask themselves before going to therapy is what are the main problems they face. Sometimes both you and your partner are not even on the same page regarding the issues you are facing. For example, you might think that the main problem is that you are not spending enough time together while your partner is having financial problems with you. Therefore, it is important to know exactly what the problem is.
2. Do you want a divorce?
If even one of the two partners thinks that things could work out, it is better to go to therapy than to go immediately to divorce. You don’t want to rush into such an important decision and regret it later. Decisions that are as important as a divorce should be the last option. If both of you are willing to work on it and change it if necessary, professional help could make a big difference in your lives.
3. What bothers my partner the most about you?
One of the most important questions to ask your partner and even yourself before heading to counseling is what bothers you both the most in this marriage. If the problems seem too complicated, don’t stress too much because that’s what therapy is for.
4. Does my partner trust me?
If there is trust and respect in a relationship, any other problem can be addressed and fixed. If you trust your partner, you can resolve all other differences as you are willing to make it work. However, if you have trouble trusting your partner, then it is extremely difficult to maintain a marriage, as trust is one of the foundations of a successful marriage. If the answer is no on either side, a counselor can help restore that trust by looking at the situation through an unbiased perspective and professional advice.
5. Does my partner like someone else?
Sometimes the problem is not you; it is the unwanted presence of a third person in your relationship. You may feel like everything is fine, but your partner may have already found someone else and don’t want to continue this marriage. However, if your spouse likes someone else, this is cheating and betrayal, and in this case, counseling might not help much. You must ask them this clearly if there is no possibility of working to save this marriage. If the answer is no, you can suggest counseling to the couple, but you cannot force it.
6. Do you want to try to fix things?
Divorce should only be an option when both or either of you is absolutely sure that you can no longer find happiness in this marriage. If there is a little doubt about it, both of you should do everything possible to try to save it. In this scenario, you must ask yourself and your partner this question. Do I want to try to save this marriage? Do you want to try to fix things?
7. Does your partner feel that they can share things with you?
Sometimes the only reason for a failed relationship or failed marriage is not sharing things and minor misunderstandings due to lack of communication. Before heading to marriage counseling, you should ask your partner if he is having trouble opening up to you. It is important to have a relationship where you are comfortable communicating everything you want.
8. What are your expectations from counseling?
Another important question to ask yourself before starting counseling is what are your expectations of counseling? If you go to marriage counseling with the intention that you don’t even want to try to finish things right away, nothing can help you.
9. Are you willing to change?
This is one of the most important questions to ask yourself and your spouse. If you want the status of your marriage to change, you must also be open to changes in your personality.
10. Online Post Counseling Activities Couples Should Try
1. Uninterrupted listening
If a major problem in your relationship is miscommunication and misunderstandings, then a key activity to start after counseling is uninterrupted listening. Don’t just listen to respond, but listen to understand your partner.
2. Write the qualities of your partner
Whenever you feel like you are in a dead-end relationship and everyone is negative towards your partner, start writing positive things about your partner. Make a list of all the good qualities in them, this activity will help you see the good side of your partner who is often blinded by the temporary negativity that occurs in the relationship.
3. Conflict resolution worksheet
This is an effective way to resolve the conflict. Some of the basic rules of conflict resolution are to focus on the problem rather than the person and use reflective listening to find a solution to the problem. You can find an effective worksheet online to help you and your partner find yourself halfway through a conflict so that you are both involved in solving the problem at hand.
4. Give compliments
Start congratulating your partner. Learn to appreciate them and do little things for them too, like surprising them at work or helping them with household chores. This sounds small but it is very helpful and fills your partner’s heart with appreciation and love for you.
5. Ask yourself 5 things you are thankful for in this marriage
Whenever you feel like things are getting off track, ask yourself five things you’re thankful for in this marriage. This is sure to divert their minds from what is going wrong and focus on the positives and why they must fight during this time phase.
6. Long hugs
Start spending more time together and extend your cuddling time. This is one of the best ways to end the day. Although hugging may sound childish, believe me when I say that it will effectively increase the comfort and understanding between the two of you. They will feel more relaxed in the presence of the other. Hugging is also known to release chemicals in the brain that fight stress. So snuggle up!
7. Observation of the soul
This is a great way to develop a deeper bond and connection with your partner. Just sit together and look into each other’s eyes. Try not to speak for a few minutes and just look into your eyes. It may be a bit awkward at first, but this goes a long way in improving your connection with your partner.
8. Travel together
No matter how old you are and how many years you’ve been together, having that intimacy is always important for a healthy marriage. Sometimes we get so caught up in our hectic daily routine that we often forget to spend time with our partner, eventually leading to major problems. Traveling together can be great for maintaining that bond and intimacy because you will explore new aspects in each other that will excite you along with exploring the beautiful sights together.
9. Paint or ride a bike together
Another great way to spend quality time together after counseling is to do little things together like ride a bike together or paint together, etc. It can be a fun way to distract yourself from your monotonous life and focus on yourself and your partner.
10. Learn to appreciate the little things
No relationship is perfect. There will always be problems, no matter how much you love and respect each other, the important thing is to learn to appreciate the little things in your partner and in your relationship. Talk to each other and try to be friends with each other more than just partners.
Marriage is one of the most important relationships in anyone’s life, but it also requires a lot of effort. Life cannot always be a bed of roses; You will have to do your best to make everything work. If you are having a difficult time in your marriage, consider speaking to someone who is a professional. Marriage counseling helps a lot if you only have minor problems with your partner. Remember that no human being is perfect, there will always be some flaws but you need to look on the good side of your partner. If you love your partner, you can always put your ego aside and make things work.