Being in a couple is not just falling in love, living with that person and starting a family. The question of the couple involves a lot of upheaval for each of the people composing it. It is also accepting to confront oneself, via the other, it is also to want to form a couple. I give you here my vision of the couple and my advice. Free of course to everyone to have another vision, other ideas!
First, take care of yourself
First, who am I to talk about a couple? I have been with my lover for 10 years and I am fascinated by everything being in a relationship involves as happiness and as upheaval in people. I am very interested in understanding the inner workings of couples’ lives, the causes of certain dysfunctions between two people who love each other, the origins of imbalances and what solutions can be made to help those who want it.
I am deeply convinced that to fully love someone and truly take care of someone else, you must already know how to take care of yourself and to love yourself. I’m not saying that you have to be narcissistic, absolutely not. But how can one succeed in taking care of someone else and a space created in this communion of two beings, if one does not already take care of oneself?
What does it mean to take care of yourself?
For me, taking care of yourself means respecting yourself first. Do not depreciate yourself. Listen, listen to his heart as much as possible (in fact, it is not clear with the almost constant presence of the ego, often present to make us doubt everything). But also, to nourish oneself properly, to see the little joys of life, to take care of one’s body as much externally as it is inside …
I’m not saying that you have to come to this before you think about meeting someone and falling in love and that if you can not do all that, you will not be a good lover! I would just like to convey the message that taking care of yourself before wanting to take care of someone else is only beneficial for everyone. Because before you pair with someone else, you are already in a relationship with yourself and for some people, it can already be a sacred pair of sleeves
The couple will also often bring out a lot of imbalances and injuries in each of the two people. I will talk about that a little further down.
It’s going through several stages
From the honeymoon phase to reality
No, the honeymoon phase – you know, when you have your heart pounding in thinking about the other, when everything is beautiful and all pink and the world we live in is one of Bears – does not last a lifetime But, I want to say, fortunately!
Firstly because it’s tiring to have your heart all the time at 100, to stress for the slightest futility and to watch your phone every 2 minutes to see if you have received a message. But above all, because it is not in this phase that we face the experience of being in a relationship and that we meet all that will allow us to evolve as a person, as that human soul.
Indeed, the space that arises between two lovers of each other, which we call “the couple”, brings to each of the two people, many lessons and possibilities of evolution. Enjoy every moment of happiness together, have gratitude for this wonderful experience. Nothing happens by chance, no meeting happens by chance. Also, have gratitude for each difficulty encountered, it is an invitation to an evolution of beings, souls. Ask yourself why this difficulty is happening now. What can this mean? What do you have to learn? And do not forget to experiment and overcome these difficulties with Loveit is only in this way that you will integrate in you the teachings you have to receive.
And if the first phase of the relationship, the “honeymoon” phase was like a trailer of what awaits couples who come together to create a healthy relationship, and most importantly to heal their soul wounds?
All couples do not quarrel but I think that few couples (especially long time) in which there is never disagreements, annoyances. That’s why I’m going to talk about disputes in the broad sense, ranging from small annoyances to big arguments.
Most of the time, we get annoyed for no reason, the behavior of our spouse annoys us without knowing why. When that happens, it’s time to ask yourself why this behavior or remark annoys you. This is often the sign that it touches you in memory, an injury (not necessarily conscious), something to settle in you.
When this happens, ask yourself these questions:
➤ What really annoys me?
➤ What does it echo in me?
But first let anger, annoyance or nervousness go, it’s never constructive in those moments. Talk to your spouse, he/she is also here for that, as you are here for that too -> helping each other, helping you to evolve each other and help you identify and heal your wounds of the past.
And do not forget, there’s no point in trying to argue when you’re upset. In these moments, we are in a fight, we convince ourselves without even realizing that the other is an enemy and that there is only one who will stand out of this relationship fight, it is oneself. The worst is that for that, we will voluntarily press the pain points of the other, “I know you then I support where it hurts”. Before a moment like this happens, the wisest thing is to say stop, let the tensions settle and then discuss them, cold and with kindness and hindsight.
Some tips to take care of your couple daily
You probably know lots of tips and tricks to take care of the couple. That’s why I will try to get out of what we can find and hear everywhere, to suggest other approaches. This list is obviously not exhaustive, I list only what seems important, “original” and with my vision of things.
- Being in love with life, happy to be born, to be alive. Nobody can make you happy if you do not choose to be happy to be alive.
- Do not project on the other or in the couple, a desire for perfection, a desire to be a perfect couple. The perfect couple does not exist, there are only couples under construction. And that’s what makes us evolve.
- To really want to share pleasure together, to bring pleasure to the other. Being in a relationship is also a time of hardship and hardship. If there is no real desire to bring pleasure to the couple, what is the point of venturing into this experience? It is the desire to bring pleasure and love that will overcome the difficulties and to live fully and pleasantly this adventure as wonderful as it is delicate.
- Enjoy the routine. Long live the little routines in the couple! They are the ones who define the couple you are, who offer stability and reassurance. This way to have breakfast together in the morning, to go to bed at night, to choose which movie to watch, to hold hands, to kiss … These small banalities are in fact beautiful treasures of life, which are born, settle in and make that thanks to them, each couple is unique. Pay attention to these routines, look at them and love them. This is often what is most lacking when a relationship breaks down, proof that it is so important without even realizing it.
But savor the beautiful surprises and cause the unexpected to explore other things together and explore other aspects of your relationship. Travel if you like it, treat yourself to an unusual night in a hut or a transparent bubble in nature, go see an opera or a play together for the first time … Surprise you each other and surprise your couple
Listen to yourself and the other, stay benevolent even in moments of tension and enjoy the time spent together. Enjoy all the beautiful moments you spend.