Dear co-dependent partner,
What I’m about to tell you is something I’ll never say or confess to you, because that would end the win-win game that is my main source of fun in life – a game that allows you actually to carry my burden in our relationship.
And therein lies the whole point.
When I say “I love you”, I mean that I love how hard you work to make me feel that I am your everything, that I am the center of your life, that you want me to be happy, and the same will never be expected of me.
I like to be able to take advantage of your kindness and your intentions in order to be kind. I love the pleasure I feel when I feel more important than you, taking every opportunity to make you feel small and insignificant.
I like the feeling I feel when I think that you are weak, vulnerable, emotionally sweet, and I like to look down on you for your innocence and your childish gullibility, as a weakness.
I like how I feel knowing that, through manipulation, I can make sure that what you want to discuss or talk about never happens, and I like this “power” to make you feel “silly” when you ask me questions or you tackle subjects that do not interest me, which only decreases your expectations of me and what I am able to give you, while I raise mine to you.
I love the ease with which I make sure that you only focus on relieving my pain (never yours!) And that no matter what you do, I can never feel good enough, loved, respected, appreciated, etc. (Unhappiness loves company.)
(It’s not about closeness, empathy, the emotional bond you want, or what I did that hurt or embarrassed you, or the short amount of time I spend with you or children, etc. It is about my status and doing my job to keep you in your place, in pain, focused on the feeling of my pain, preventing you from feeling valued in relation to me. superior and I am entitled to all the pleasure, admiration and comfort between us, remember?
“I love you” means that I love how I feel when you are with me, more precisely by considering yourself as a property that I own, my possession. Like driving a luxury car, I love how much you improve my status in the eyes of others, by letting them know that I am the best of the best, and so on. I like to think that others are jealous of my property.
I love the power I have to make you work hard to prove your love and devotion, and to ask yourself what else you need to do to “prove” your loyalty.
“I love you” means that I love how I feel when I am with you. Because of the frequency with which I hate and look down on others in general, the mirror neurons in my brain constantly make me experience feelings of hatred of myself; so, I like that I can love myself through you, and also like to hate you for my “need” to have to depend on you or on anyone for anything.
I like that you are there to blame yourself every time I feel this “need”; contempt for you seems to protect me from something that I hate to admit, that I feel totally dependent on you to “nurture” my sense of superiority and rights and to keep my illusion of power alive in my mind.
(Nothing makes me feel more fragile and vulnerable than not having control over something that would tarnish my image and my higher status, like when you ask me “how” I treat you like you still don’t understand that the fact that you accept to be an object for my pleasure, makes me happy, the way I treat you, you or the children – is proof of my superiority over the world. You are my possession, remember? C it’s my job to teach you to hate and avoid those “stupid” things that only “weak” people need, such as “closeness” and “emotions”; and, I know it “works” because that my childhood taught me to do it for myself).
It makes me jubilant with pleasure (more proof of my superiority) to be able to easily destabilize you, make you mad for not getting what you want from me, make you repeat yourself, be told and do things for which you will hate it later (because of your kindness!). Whatever you say, any injuries or complaints that you share, you can be sure that I will tease you later, so that you keep going in circles, trying to explain yourself, doubting yourself and yourself. misunderstanding, trying to understand why I don’t understand.
(There is nothing to understand! To understand, you would have to see things from my point of view, not yours! It is my job to show total disinterest in your emotional needs, your wounds, your desires, and to train, deviate and punish yourself accordingly until you learn your “lesson”, that is to say: to take its place as a speechless object, you are my possession you have no other desire than to serve my pleasure and comfort, and you should never have an opinion on how you were treated!)
(The fact that you still don’t understand, even after all the ways I mistreated you, is for me a proof of my genetic superiority. In my rules of the game, those who have superior genes are never nice, except to attract and trap their victims!)
I like being able to make you uncomfortable in the blink of an eye, especially by paying attention to other women (other people in general, friends, family members, children, etc … the list is endless). Highlight what you don’t get from me what you want, make fun of me and make me beg for what I give you what I give easily to others, make you wonder why it is so easy for me to give what you want to others, expressing feelings or affection, paying compliments, gives me such power that I take great pleasure in it.
I like the power that I have over you when I make you come back every time you threaten to leave, throwing you a few crumbs and seeing how much I can convince you to trust me when I make you fall my charm, by making you believe that this time, I will change.
“I love you” means that I need you because, because of the hatred I have for myself, I need someone who does not abandon me and who I can use as punching -ball, to feel good by making me feel bad about myself. (This is how I make myself happy, and the way I calm down, by denying the frightening feelings that I carry in myself and that I hope never to admit, never. I hate any sign of weakness in me, this is why I hate you, and all those whom I consider inferior, stupid, weak, etc.).
“I love you” means that I like to repair and mold your thoughts and beliefs, to control your mind, so that you think of me as your miracle and savior, a source of life and sustenance on which you depend, and towards who you always come back to, no matter how hard you try to getaway.
I like that it makes me feel like a god to be the only one who has the right to give you rewards and punishments, to keep you so determined (obsessed…) to make me feel adored, by sacrificing everything for me so that I don’t condemn you, trying not to please anyone else.
I like how I can use my power to keep you on the ground, make you doubt and question yourself, make you wonder about your mental health, obsessed with the idea of explaining to you (and others) , make you profess your loyalty, make you wonder what’s wrong with you.
“I love you” means that I love how I feel when I see myself through your admiring eyes, that you are my wellness drug, my dedicated audience, my biggest fan and admirer, and so on. You, and in particular the fact that you admire me without failing, and that you take me for your omnipotent source of knowledge is my drug of choice. (You may have noticed how susceptible I am to any sign of questioning; yes, I hate how fragile I feel about thinking that you, or the world, might judge me as n having failed to keep my possessions in the right path).
And I like that, even if you beg me, that you implore my love, my admiration and to be valued in return, it will not happen as long as I keep control. Why would I let that happen, when I’m addicted to the pleasure of depriving you of everything that would allow you to take off and that would risk taking you away from me? It is a great pleasure for me not to give you what you want (the tenderness you need and won’t) and to break all your dreams and bubbles, then to say to me: “I am not stupid. ”
I like being able to control your attempts to understand myself, by controlling your mind, in particular by shifting the center of any “discussion” about what is wrong with you, your inability to appreciate me and make me feel loved enough well- and of course, remembering all that I did for you, and how ungrateful you are.
I also love the way I skillfully manipulate the opinion of others on you, leading them to take sides with me “the nice one” and to turn against you the “bad guy”, portraying you as vulnerable, never satisfied, always complaining, selfish and dominant, etc.
I love how easy it is for me to say “No”! to what can give you a feeling of value and meaning in relation to me, with endless apologies, and that I rather let your attention be focused on my needs and my desires, my discomforts or my pain.
I like to feel that I have your thoughts, your ambitions and to make sure that your wants and needs are only focused on the objective of not upsetting me, of keeping me happy.
I like to be the drug you need, no matter how I mistreat you, despite all the signs your addiction to me is draining the energy of your life, that you risk losing more and more that is most important to you, including the people you love and the people who love and support you.
I like that I can isolate you from others who can feed you and break the spell, and I like to make you wary of them so that you conclude that no one else really wants to support you than me.
I like that I can make you feel like I’m doing you a favor by being with you and throwing crumbs your way. Like a void, the void in me constantly needs to suck out the life and the breath and vitality that you bring to my life, which I long for like a drug that can never satisfy, that I struggle to accumulate, and hates the idea of sharing.
Even if I hate you and my dependence on your benevolent attention, my lack of affection pushes me to want to see myself through your benevolent eyes, always ready to admire, to adore, to forgive, to find excuses and to fall for my lies and my traps.
I love that you always tell me how much I hurt you, not knowing that, for me, it’s like a free report, which lets me know how effective my tactics have been in keeping you in pain, focused on the alleviation of my pain – so that I am always a winner in this competition – by ensuring that you never weaken me with your love and your stories of emotional intimacy.
In short, when I say “I love you”, I love the power I have of remaining a mystery that you will never solve because of what you don’t know (and that you refuse to understand). This thing is that the only one who can win this game is the one who knows the rules. My sense of power is based on making sure that you will never succeed in persuading me to join you in creating a helping relationship because, in my vision of the world, being vulnerable, emotionally expressive, kind, benevolent, empathetic, innocent are signs of weakness, evidence of inferiority.
Thank you, but no thanks, I am determined to stay on my winning field, always competing for the price, jubilant of my narcissistic ability to be heartless, insensitive, cold, calculating… and proud, to make sure that my need for superiority is not hampered.
Forever limiting love,
Your narcissist
