When no one is toxic but the relationship is

We have often talked about toxic people and the need to get away from them. On the other hand, it sometimes happens that neither the other nor the self is toxic but that the relationship is.

Like when two chemical compounds cause an explosion, some people may love each other very much but not be able to get along together. As soon as they are in the presence of each other, they are sparks that ignite for peccadilloes. They may have the best intentions in the world, the shortcomings of one fall on the nerves of the other and the irritants take over the affection. We don’t stop loving each other, but it looks like we love each other better … from afar!

Perhaps these are two egos that constantly collide because they are too identical despite appearances of too great differences. Maybe the wounds of each come to play in the wounds of the other and that the scar does not end up being done. Perhaps the emotional maturity of one or both of the protagonists is not sufficient to allow a change in the level in the relationship. Perhaps also that the litigation of the relationship has become so heavy with the years that none of them is at this moment able to empty the content of all these small and big confrontations and to get rid of one once and for all.

In either of these circumstances, it is probably time to take a break so as not to poison the relationship, especially if the two are attached to it since the affection is always present. Of course, speaking openly seems the best solution. But if the relationship has become too toxic, it can be really difficult to talk to each other without colliding further.

Let’s learn to love better during the break. Let’s think of everything we love about this person. Let us also think about what we do not currently like but which we could learn to love from afar, to get closer little by little. What irritates us in the other is necessarily present in us, often in a form that seems different at first glance but which is located in the same continuum. Let’s learn to see what the irritants teach us about ourselves, and see if it happens again with other people. Let us learn to discover how the other highlights our own gray areas and have the courage to look at ourselves to understand each other better, remembering that we are all Partners in freedom for each other.

Because what we experience as a toxic relationship with the other mirrors the toxic relationship that we have with ourselves. Let us have gratitude for the great wisdom of Life which shows us what we need to love better in ourselves, in order to come to love it better in others.

Perhaps, in the end, we will understand that there is no real toxic relationship but just a great lack of love, towards oneself and, therefore, towards the other.

Hence the importance of learning to love ourselves better.