It is I think, THE question that our contemporaries (and especially our contemporaries) ask themselves. Preferably in the evening between girls, after three cosmos and two rounds of the table to find out what to think of the last text that Jean-Mi sent you … But it is behind my keyboard of colonel pécho that I will answer you … And it will sting …
At the start was a myth…
Urban legend says that there is a category of boy (and some women are infected to a lesser extent): the phobic of commitment. This species would meet more frequently in town and would prevail on Tinder.
The phobic of commitment refuses commitment to all the women who come to him. Even Charlize Theron wouldn’t be allowed to leave clean pants and a toothbrush around him.
Most of the time, the phobic of commitment finds the roots of his evil in his painful childhood (beware, this is the “violins” moment) strewn with traumas of all kinds: his absent father, his mother who bought him not even Kinder Surprise, and his brother who always did everything better than him.
He is with fogged eyes and your hand in his that he explains this to you, but that he does not one day possibly exclude if he is better, if he feels better in his head (and if you horizontal), maybe he can think of imagining the possibility of letting you appear as a couple with him on Facebook. In the meantime, that’s not all, but it is already 10 p.m. and the sheets will not come apart on their own …
Does this portrait seem exaggerated or incoherent? It’s normal. It is, however, the portraits that some women draw of their lovers of the moment …
The phobic of commitment is a reassuring myth because it avoids questioning. After all, if he doesn’t want us as a girlfriend, it’s not because we spent the evening comparing him to our ex, that we ate for 53 euros without saying thank you for the bill and we spent the whole meal making weird noises with our mouths, no. It is because he is afraid of happiness.
Unfortunately, we cannot count on their frankness either because I have never seen a boy confess eye to eye:
-Listen, you are very beautiful and you would make a pretty trinket on all fours on the table in my kitchen (in addition I took the measurements you are right in the best dimensions) but you cannot be my girlfriend because as Glee fans, it’s totally against my beliefs. No way that this dung comes home. Besides, I know my mother, she really won’t love you…
No, instead he will evoke a whole bunch of purely circumstantial excuses, all as false as each other:
-I’m too young: Bullshit. My boyfriend is not 25 years old and he does not hesitate to invest in our relationship and to project himself. Conversely, many young men declare that they refuse to “land” before their thirties…. Gentlemen, we will talk about this when you come across a girl who will make you change your mind. Almost everyone happens to you …
-I am in a tense professional period: FALSE. Love has never been a brake on a man’s ambitions, quite the contrary. Even the most career-oriented man in the world, if he is in love, will free up time and time to preserve his bond with his sweetheart.
I’m coming out of a difficult relationship: No. Admittedly it is not necessarily a good idea to get back in the saddle immediately after a breakup but if it is the excuse invoked by someone to not commit, it is necessarily a false pretext. It could also simply mean that he is not attached enough and in love with you to forget his ex.
I am going to the United States next year: Yes and no. I often encountered this scenario at the time of the last year of study, and if it is a real break at the beginning, it ends in long-distance relationships, or in joint migration.
In the majority of cases, a man who does not want to commit … Does not want to engage with you.
I know that your ego makes a denial of reality but it is a fact, and it is a phenomenon that I observed in my friends and in particular the husband of my girlfriend Sarah.
Before meeting his wife, he had been with his ex for seven years. He spent all the time in their relationship delaying the evolution of the couple as much as possible.
He passed by all his friends for an eternal old boy. And then he ran into my friend and six months later, he asked her to marry her before setting off their first child.
Closer to home, I saw this scenario with my own companion.
After a hard court and three fiery declarations of love, I ended up falling in love with him and giving him the green light for an exclusive relationship with CDI. Except that two weeks later, he receives an SMS which makes him uncomfortable:
-Well then, who is it? …
-How do I tell you? … you will not like it … It is my ex who offers to see us on Saturday.
-Yeah, but you didn’t tell her that now you had a lover …
-No. And I really don’t know how to get it to him … I screwed up.
-And how did you screw up?
-Bah in fact after our breakup, we continued to meet for a while…
– Yeah well, you promised him nothing!
-Well, I told him that I was not ready to commit because I was too young but that maybe one day, possibly if the planets are aligned, and that the stock market price is favorable and that the chakras are open we could get back together as a couple … And suddenly she waits. So if she knows that I’m in a relationship with you, she’s REALLY going to take it badly… So what do I do?
-Bah, you take your pair of courage and you prove to me that you are an adult by explaining things clearly. Otherwise, you will lose me and all your weeks of courtship displays will have been for nothing…
He called him in front of me and three weeks later he introduced me to his parents …
Morality: If a man declares to you formally that he is not ready for engagement. Take your pants, your dignity, and leave without looking back.
The complex of the best or “to choose is to renounce”.
This reason for not committing is less common but valid. It is especially possible in a context where the male is faced with a wide choice of women available (dating sites, big cities, a social situation so enviable that a horde of dowry runners are on the file …) And indeed, in this kind of case, you are outside the cause. A recent study has shown that the propensity of a person (man or woman) to engage is inversely proportional to the relationship opportunities offered to him. But this reason is not the most frequent, is not Bradley Cooper who wants….
Basically, whatever the reasons that push a man not to want to commit, if your desires diverge in the matter, I strongly advise you to break the link. Because you must put your desires before a man who does not perceive your value.
