Why do I always turn out to be just a good friend?

It’s really hard for us men to be the classic camaraderie type. Because every time the same sad game happens when you meet:

You spend a wonderful time with this friend, fall head over heels in love with her, and are always there for her like a good man. However, in the end, you are always just a good friend to them.

And at some point, you ask yourself:  “Why do I always end up as a friend? Why do women not see me as an attractive partner for a relationship but just want friendship? 

In this article, I want to reveal the 5 decisive reasons for this – and explain what you need to change to finally leave your role as a friend behind.

What it’s like for men to be the kind of friend to women

On many a sleepless night, you desperately wonder, Why am I always just good friends with girls?

Because you’re actually a nice, decent guy – the best man this woman could ask for:

  • You are a close listener to your friend and listen to her concerns like a helper.
  • In general, you are a great conversation partner with whom she can talk deeply about everything.
  • In case of problems, you are helpful and there when she needs you (renovating her apartment, fixing her PC, etc.).

You exhibit these dreamlike qualities as an empathetic, caring, and helpful man, especially when you are very fond and appreciative of your woman.

Become good friends with a potential partner

But:  The frustrating thing is that his kind and caring behavior is not rewarded by women with love and relationships.

On the contrary: the more of these positive traits you show in your meetings (also called dates), and the stronger your interpersonal trust, the deeper you slide into the friend zone.

You feel like your girlfriend has pushed you into a corner as a friend type, which you get harder and harder to get as time goes on.

Jealousy when another man is involved…

At some point, the relationship with this woman will be very painful because you are unfortunately in love.

Your intense (and previously very pleasant) conversations hurt you as a good and patient listener – especially if your significant other praises her relationships with other men.

And you ask yourself out of sheer jealousy:  “Why them? What do these guys have that I don’t? She would look so much better with me! 

At some point, the friendship will turn into a major crisis…

Because you are unfortunately in love and your time is running out, at some point you cannot accept it as a man anymore. But every reaction on your part only makes the situation worse:

  • You drop hints that you have feelings for her or even come up with a big love confession via WhatsApp.
  • You withdraw and cancel meeting points with evasive explanations… and the woman angrily asks you what’s wrong with you.
  • You just swallow the pain and disappointment and move on.

What if the topic “being in love” is openly broached? The woman will then give you a basket, claiming that she doesn’t want to destroy your “good friendship” through a relationship between you.

But one way or another: your friendship (which you never really wanted) along with the trust between you is somehow compromised.

Always just the good friend – a curse?

Because it happens to you over and over again that you end up as your best friend, you are now nibbling huge doubts.

You see yourself “cursed” in the role of an eternal friend and believe that you are not good enough for women …

But there is no reason to despair. Every man can get a girlfriend he likes when looking for a partner! I’ll show you how to defeat the “buddy” curse and become a desirable guy that women adore.

5 reasons why women only see you as a friend

In short: women do not feel a physical attraction to you as a man, but it is precisely this desire that makes the decisive difference between love/relationship and friendship.

Of course, that’s not enough of an answer… so now I want to explain to you the exact reasons why you don’t exert physical attraction to women.

1. Very reluctant to flirt

There are some beautiful proverbs that describe your situation very well:  “You reap what you sow ”.

In other words: we always receive from other people what we give to them.

And if you do not flirt aggressively, but treat the woman as a “good friend” (in speaking and listening), she, on the contrary, will only see you as a “good friend”.

The problem for the vast majority of types of friends is:

As a man, you don’t send clear flirtatious signals on a date for fear of getting dumped. Instead, his behavior towards the women is as friendly as if they were sitting with the boys on the football team.

Therefore, clearly show your interest when looking for a partner and behave DIFFERENTLY than you would in a friendship with a good friend.

In plain language: do things you would never do with a good friend! Flirting with compliments, physical contact… All of these are signs that point to an interest.

2. Wait until the chance of love is gone

What has to do with it: Many types of friends go on the offensive of flirting with their good friends too late.

This means that they do not send any flirtatious signals in several meetings and, because of their utter shyness, do not make any advances until the switches in the direction of the box have flipped and the train has departed.

The fatal thing about this hesitation:

The more solidified a woman’s impression of friendship is, the harder it will be for us men to get off that path and turn to a relationship.

At some point, your loved one will finally put you in the drawer labeled “good friend” and simply not wait any longer for any advances to occur between you. A partnership is simply no longer an issue for them.

When this platonic friend suddenly realizes you’re in love, she falls over the moon because she only saw you as best friends.

So show her unequivocally from the first date what is really important to you, so that she can immediately take the road to a relationship!

3. Very nice and helpful with women

As a friend, are you really nice to women? Okay, you are not an isolated case. But many men have been faking it to their good friends the whole time without even realizing it! Because the exaggerated “nice guy next door” or “nice guy” is just a role.

Have you ever thought about it? Hmmm…

How do you play the role of a good friend?

You see, it’s not your fault you’re playing for the girls.

Parents, teachers, and Hollywood movies have repeatedly told men that we must be the “good boy” with women if we are to have love.

These wrong tips lead you to behave dishonestly with women (unintentionally) and to suppress your masculinity:

  • You sit there with your hands folded and talk to her about God and the world even though you’d rather touch and love on her.
  • You don’t tease her, or give her compliments (although you feel an internal need) for fear of appearing too intrusive.
  • You help her with her problems and listen to her – not (just) out of wanting to help, but because you hope she will fall in love with you in return.
  • You don’t express your true opinion for fear of saying “wrong”.
  • Bottom line: you are pretending to be good friends even though you really want a relationship with her.

Women can tell very clearly whether you’re serious or just playing a good role as a friend because you hope to get partnered for that.

So my tip for you:

Work on your honesty and tell the woman what you think and feel to escape the role of the partner! Give in to your TRUE feelings instead of forcefully suppressing them. A break worth it…

By the way, you shouldn’t be macho, and being nice once in a while is perfectly fine with men, but don’t just be the good boy. Find the middle ground between the doctor and the monster, between the tough and the soft!

4. Lack of masculinity on the date

There is a natural attraction between a man and a woman: they really cannot be best friends, because the genders attract like magnets, and this has happened for millions of years.

In this way, reproduction (and the preservation of the human species) is ensured by the intelligent Mother Nature.

But this magical attraction is blocked with types of friends because male charisma is not strong enough. The woman is simply not attracted to you.

Therefore, you should definitely become more masculine in order to be attractive to the opposite gender and be a candidate for a relationship.

Classic masculinity, includes properties such as assertiveness, adventure, determination, leadership, and masculine appearance (voice, body language, etc.)

5. Always available to help the woman

Another saying: you have to become a rare man to be interesting. I’m a little harsh, but it’s true.

The classic friend is always available and “jumps” as soon as her cell phone rings.

The man thinks:  “She has problems/needs help? Quickly up to her to prove what a great and awesome guy I am! 

Unfortunately, this tactic does the exact opposite. You’re a good and reliable friend, but for love and relationships, she somehow doesn’t get the butterflies in her stomach!

Because? Unfortunately, we humans are so close-knit: everything that is always available and in abundance quickly becomes uninteresting and boring.

On the other hand, it means you have to make yourself scarce. Don’t always reply to WhatsApp right away, cancel meetings from time to time, and don’t help her at all if you don’t want to.

In this way, you will change from a boring and predictable type of friend to a mysterious and attractive man, whose attention she suddenly has to fight!