Why do we fall out of love? 12 keys to understanding heartbreak

What happens when we are no longer attracted to our partner? Learn the reasons why we fell out of love and the best strategies to overcome a breakup.

Not in all cases love is forever . There are couples who start a relationship with great enthusiasm and totally in love, but with the passage of time and daily coexistence, the flame is extinguished until only the memory of what it once was remains.

This leads to constant arguments, misunderstandings, fights, verbal attacks, and emotional confusion. Nobody wants to lose a stable relationship, but there are times where, despite the good interaction of two people, love does not flow and that is where heartbreak comes. However, why is this happening? In this article we will tell you the reasons why falling out of love occurs and the keys to understand and overcome it.

What is heartbreak?

First of all, we will define what heartbreak is. This term refers to the state of emotional decline that a person suffers when they have experienced a recent breakup , causing feelings of loss, pain, sadness, confusion and anger. You can even trigger attacks on yourself through guilt, demotivation, isolation and insecurity.

This accumulation of negative feelings occurs because the person is facing the breakup and is looking for reasons why it happened (whether or not they are true) and, not finding a satisfactory answer, enters a state of acute melancholy. Due to the impact of heartbreak, the person is considered to be going through a grieving process that they have to go through before recovering.

But why do we fall out of love? There are a number of factors in a relationship that cause heartbreak . For example: unresolved conflicts, poor communication, little commitment, lack of support, great differences without being able to find a middle ground, feelings of loneliness or abandonment, etc., which give way to no longer want to be with that person and, despite that there is still love or an attraction, this is not enough to stay.

How can we get over a breakup?

It is normal that during heartbreak, guilt plays a major role, since you are trying to find an answer that makes the person feel better (either by taking responsibility for yourself or the former partner). Therefore, we show you the keys necessary to understand heartbreak.

1. Don’t rush things

It is normal to want to get out of that state as soon as possible. Loneliness can sometimes be an excellent engine to want to experience new things that fill us with vitality, but forcing the situation is not recommended. What do we mean by this? When you’re feeling sad, down, or lost, doing an activity that takes you to the other extreme can backfire and even cause you to sink further.

What to do in this case? All grief takes time to heal, so give yourself that time . You can have simple meetings with friends at home, go for a walk, do a beauty treatment at home or go to a spa, practice relaxing activities, resume hobbies, etc. The main idea is that you do things that you feel better about without being sudden or forced.

2. Reflect objectively

This can be a complicated step but it is of the utmost importance to put guilt aside, because we are always looking for that answer that we lack: ‘why is it all over?’ and, as it is not understood, you do not stop thinking about it, so it is time to reflect.

In this case, watching movies, series or reading books can help you understand why heartbreak occurs , how to overcome it or what a suitable relationship is like. This will help you to see the problems that led to your breakup and the degree of responsibility that each person had, which will help you to accept your situation, understand that you are grieving and in a short time to let go of everything.

3. Avoid contact with your partner

Once a relationship has just ended, it is not recommended to have contact with the ex-partner under any circumstances, be it meetings, calls or messages, because this can reopen emotional wounds, which delays overcoming , and drastic measures are even taken to return, leading to even greater failure.

The person needs some time alone to reconnect with himself, analyze his situation and overcome, so that he knows that he is still independent. After a while (which can be months or years) it is possible to resume a friendly contact with the old partner, as long as the chapter is completely closed.

4. Accept that it is normal

These types of events, although they are painful and very confusing, are normal to occur in many relationships , because sometimes, love is not forever or it is not enough when there are irremediable differences. Understand that this is not something unique that has only happened to you and that it is better to end a union when you are no longer comfortable than to remain unhappy in it, constantly looking for excuses for it.

5. Live the duel

These keys are not for you to dismiss the lack of love and ignore it, because denial will not solve the problem, on the contrary, it will make it grow in silence until one day it explodes. Things have to be faced at the right time and seek the best possible resolution, which is why it is important that you live your duel.

Cry, unburden yourself, long for good memories, accept the loss and move on . There is nothing wrong with being unwell, as the pain will pass. But it’s important to keep two things in mind: you can’t keep your emotions and you can’t hold onto them for long either. Both scenarios will only bring you future complications.

6. Isolation is not the answer

When heartbreak occurs, one tends to withdraw from the rest of social life. The only thing left is the desire to stay locked up, thinking about the failures that led to the breakup and not wanting to see anyone other than your ex partner to ask for forgiveness and another chance. But this only aggravates the negative symptoms of heartbreak, increasing guilt, sadness, anger and insecurity, which is why it is never advisable to isolate yourself in these types of situations .

Instead, try to distract yourself and chat with your friends, seek comfort in your family, go for short walks, play with your pet … But don’t spend so much time in a corner of your room without having any kind of contact.

7. No to overinformation

It is good that you want to inform yourself and educate yourself on this confusing subject because it is precisely ignorance that leads to emotional discouragement, but moderate what you read, because overinformation can aggravate the symptoms of heartbreak , leading you to believe things that are not necessarily true until you arrive to become obsessed with finding the correct answer, instead of the one that is necessary for you.

8. Work on you

As we have already said throughout the article, insecurity and lack of motivation can be present in the process of heartbreak due to the fact that people wedge themselves loads of excessive responsibilities. This, over time, can have serious consequences in the social and interpersonal sphere, since problems of interaction, communication, withdrawal and distrust can develop.

That is why it is necessary for you to work on yourself. If these self-deprecating feelings are difficult to cope with, then seek therapeutic help , focus on healing and regaining your self-esteem.

9. Move

Life goes on and it is necessary that you continue with it. Moving will help you understand that this is a stage in your life that, although you must live, it must also come to an end and therefore, you have to move forward. So try to take your life back and even dare to try new things, like a makeover. renovate your closet, redecorate your home, visit new places in your city, practice new activities or learn a new skill. Changing your routine will help you have a more positive outlook on life and see heartbreak as a process that is part of it.

10. Complete control does not exist

Understanding that you cannot control everything in life is important to cope with heartbreak , so it is possible to know that good and bad things happen spontaneously and independently of us. Therefore, we can only maneuver those works that come directly from our hands. A good advice is that the break should be seen as one more learning, if there were errors, work to correct them, but here there is no longer the ‘what would have happened if …’ or ‘I needed to do more’.

11. No to impulsiveness

Being impulsive is an act that can have serious consequences , since the things that are done are out of desperation, instead of being comforting in the long term, only looking for instant satisfaction and these quickly fade.

Usually, this manifests itself when entering a new relationship in the middle of the grieving process or when the breakup has not been completely overcome, which serves as a replacement and not as a new opportunity, thus bringing more emotional problems and insecurities. . This also happens when doing extreme or risky activities, just to get rid of the pain and avoid facing the breakup by making it ‘fade’.

12. Do not close yourself to new opportunities

Love doesn’t end just because a relationship didn’t work out. Many people refuse to fall in love again for fear that the same thing will happen to them or they have the belief that love is not for them and eternal singleness is better. Although, spending time alone is not bad since it allows you to connect and find your way, refusing to experience love again only shows that you have not closed that chapter in your life , because you faced it in a negative way.

The ideal is to understand that we do not have to idealize a person because ‘the perfect woman or man’ does not exist. We all have flaws and every relationship has problems that can be solved if they talk and work on it. Don’t be obsessed with finding a partner either. The right person will come into your life, so you must enjoy your singleness and not close the doors to love.