Relationships are a very important part of life.
And when something goes wrong and a breakup occurs, emotions often get in the way of logic.
Moving on is hard, especially for certain people.
Let’s face it, everything changes during a breakup. How we spend our days, who we talk to and even how we relate to each other on social media.
And then you may be wondering: “why is my ex adding my friends on Facebook?”. Here are 10 possible reasons to consider.
10 Reasons Your Ex Is Adding Your Friends On Facebook
1) Your ex knew your friends before they started dating
An essential question to ask yourself first is, did your ex know your friends before they started their relationship?
If so, you can see that they will remain loyal to your ex, even though you have developed a deep relationship with them during your time together.
Additionally, your ex may be reaching out to them as a support system.
These pre-relationship friends can include co-workers, college friends, childhood friends, or any type of relationship prior to your relationship together.
While your friends won’t stop being friends with you, they probably won’t be willing to give up friendship with your ex in this situation.
2) You encouraged your ex to interact with your friends during the relationship
Whether your friend is from childhood or more recent, if you encouraged him to become friends with your ex before the breakup, he may want to continue this friendship.
Also, they may actually get along, enjoying activities together outside of their partners.
It’s also understandable that the fact that your friends are still friends with your ex can drive you crazy.
So at some point, it’s a good idea to discuss your feelings with your friends and be open to their responses.
You can ask them not to talk about you with your ex, but you can’t guarantee it.
Unless you trust your friends wholeheartedly. And even in this case something could always escape them.
3) Your ex considers them mutual friends
As a couple, they both brought friends into the relationship and also made new friends along the way.
Friendship lines tend to blur when one has a partner. And when a breakup happens, both of you may wonder who’s staying with them.
Confusion about mutual friendships often occurs in these situations.
After a breakup, your ex may not see that friends had anything to do with the breakup. So it is not necessary to interrupt the friendship relationship that she has with them.
Try not to involve your friends in any disagreements that may come from breaking up with your ex. Also, don’t give them an ultimatum.
You may be interested in reading the reasons why your ex hates you, even though he is done with you.
Instead, express your concerns.
What they do in that moment is out of your control.
You will find that your real friends will tell you why they are still friends with your ex on Facebook.
Or they will unfriend your ex on Facebook, after you voice your concerns.
Sharing friends can be a challenge, but it can be done.
Talk to your ex or friends about the best way to make this work.
4) Your ex has something in common with your friends
The motive behind your ex’s friend request may simply be a way to keep in touch with those who share your same interests.
This is particularly the case if you had that friendship for a long time.
Maybe they like to go out to the same places or play the same sports.
Perhaps you have shared trips together and he wants to share these experiences again, which made him happy at some point.
Remember that he is also rebuilding his life and needs to have his own hobbies now.
When this happens, friends often feel awkward.
They like to maintain shared interests with your ex, but they also feel loyal to you.
And it is here, where your friends can practice certain boundaries with both of you.
5) Your ex still cares about you
Did you stop being friends with your ex after the breakup?
He may feel lost, still care about you, or maybe he wants to get back together.
He really wants to know how you’re doing. He will read your friends’ comments hoping to find some news from you, no matter how small.
Depending on how the breakup went, some friends may lend your ex a sympathetic ear as well.
Also, it depends on how and who ended the relationship. Was it a mutual decision or did you break your ex’s heart? Or was it the other way around?
If your ex regrets what happened and wants another chance , they may start reaching out through your friends to win you back.
One way to do this is to come off as nice and like a nice guy, so your friends will talk positively about it.
They can even go around testing your friends, to see if there is any possibility of reconciliation. AND
This is one way to keep your hope up by adding your friends on Facebook.
Examples of ways this can occur:
- Your ex-volunteers with something that is close to you and your heart. Then your friends will surely mention him to you, speaking well of him.
- Your ex wants to show off how successful they are at work or something else that you particularly admire.
While not all exes want to get back together, many want to stay friends.
It is also possible that he still cares about you and wants the best for you in the future. This does not mean that you want to go back to being boyfriends.
Here is an article that will help you if you want to confirm that your boyfriend does not want to get back with you.
6) Your ex is not ready to let go of the lifestyle you had together
Changes are hard and your ex may resist it when your relationship ends. Or, perhaps, feeling completely terrified by this.
Not everyone has the ability to quickly adapt to any situation.
It may be possible for you to feel free and ready to move on.
But perhaps your ex-partner may be struggling to overcome the hurdles of abrupt lifestyle changes.
One way to mitigate the impact of these sudden changes is to keep your friends in your life. Even if it’s just on social media.
There is also the situation that your ex may be codependent, suffer from low self-esteem, and depend on the approval of others.
This may even be the reason for their breakup.
Your ex is now confused, not fully aware of his own needs and how to satisfy them.
It is also possible that your ex is unable or unwilling to move on with their life. So friends can help you with this, encouraging your ex to let go and create a new life without you.
7) Your ex wants to keep track of what you’re doing
Your ex may suspect that you are dating someone else or that you are making plans to travel to the place you both dreamed of.
You want to add fuel to the fire. Finding ways to blame you for the breakup, instead of understanding that for certain reasons you weren’t supposed to be together anymore.
Your ex will be hurt to find out that you go out a lot and that you don’t need them to enjoy life.
By continuing to focus on what you’re doing, instead of moving on with your life, your ex is literally stuck.
While you or your friends can try to help your ex, ultimately it’s up to them to accept the situation.
If your ex never paid much attention to your friends while you were together, it’s reasonable to be suspicious now.
8) Your ex is interested in dating one of your friends
There is always the possibility that your ex is interested in dating one of your friends, now that the two of you are no longer together.
Instead of just befriending one of your friends, he starts befriending several of you, to disguise his true interest.
Or it can be extremely obvious, to make you jealous. In this case it is no longer about your friend, but that she still has feelings for you.
Additionally, if he follows your friends, he can figure out where everyone is going and plan to meet up with them.
While you can’t and shouldn’t try to control your friends, you can talk to them about your suspicions. If he is playing with you, you should avoid getting into his game.
9) Your ex is a controller
If your ex was controlling during the relationship, that may not end after your breakup.
Dominating another is a source of power and ego for certain people. This may be the particular case of your ex.
As a control mechanism, it is possible that he is coming between you and your friends, with the aim of alienating them from you.
So by staying “alone” he thinks he can make you return to him more easily.
He approaches your friends and attracts them, but the real motive is not friendship.
A controlling relationship is toxic, and when the non-controlling person ends it, that can also cause an angry reaction.
If your friends choose to stay friends with your ex on Facebook in situations like this, you’ll need to set your own boundaries with these friends.
Also, explaining the situation to them can go a long way in getting them to support you.
10) Your ex is a narcissist
A narcissist is a type of person who has an inflated sense of their own importance and an excessive need for high levels of admiration and attention.
They generally lack any form of empathy for others.
In other words, it’s all about him.
Breaking up with a narcissist is a challenge, and if you make it through, pat yourself on the back. It is not an easy task to escape from their domain.
A narcissist also cannot imagine that your friends prefer to stay with you instead of with him. With this mindset, he adds your Facebook friends with complete confidence.
Besides, how can they resist his personality?
After a breakup with a narcissist, stopping contact with him may be your best option.
This includes removing them from all your social media accounts.
If your friends stay in touch, you may need to distance these friends as well. Again, always talk to them so they can understand the situation as well.
conclusion
The key is to remember that we are not all the same and not all of us handle a breakup in the same way.
It is also true that there are different types of breakups, from mutual understanding to unilateral surprises.
And often caught in the middle of these breakups will be your friends.
Before jumping to stressful or anger-provoking conclusions, take a look at the friends your ex is adding on Facebook and ask yourself:
- Who were they initially friends with?
- Are they considered mutual friends?
- Do those friends have anything in common with your ex?
- Is your ex trying to win you back?
- During the relationship, was your ex dependent on you?
- Do you think your ex is interested in dating one of your friends or does he want to make you jealous?
- Did your ex control the relationship?
- Could your ex be a narcissist?
- In this way you can have a clearer idea of their intentions and act accordingly.
Additionally, one of the most important things you should do is avoid putting your friends in a bind.
And instead, find out their reasons for accepting your ex’s friend request. Ask them to refrain from sharing information about you, when possible, and focus on moving on with your life.
Hopefully, your ex will do the same.
