Many times the behavior of men leaves us speechless and we do not understand why they act. If you want to understand it a little more, continue here, because today we are going to talk about it, more precisely, why doesn’t my partner recognize his mistakes and blame me for everything?
When this happens very often, it is normal for us to feel that we are doing everything wrong. Also, it makes us wonder how is it possible that someone who loves me so much makes me feel so bad? Why does it hurt me so much?
They have always made us believe that love hurts. However, nothing is further from the truth. Love shouldn’t hurt, love makes you feel good, appreciated, valued and want to be better.
Yes, we know, relationships can be very complicated and that does not mean that there is no love involved. What you should never allow is to be hurt, or do it yourself, of course.
But there may come a point where you consider some common behaviors from your partner. Have you realized that it is practically impossible to have a conversation or discussion with him or her? Doesn’t he take on his mistakes, but instead make up all kinds of excuses and blame you for almost everything?
Well, it is time for you to take action on the matter and change this type of behavior within your relationship. And for this, you have come to the right place. Next, we’ll tell you everything you need to know about it and provide you with some tips and tools to help you put an end to it.
Why is it so hard for men to accept their mistakes?
Have you repeatedly found that your partner does not recognize his mistakes and blames you for everything? It is normal for men to have a hard time accepting that they have been wrong. Or, they need help to get something done or repaired. And to ask for forgiveness for it, we better not even talk.
There are several reasons that can explain this type of behavior in men and they are:
Men and women see the world differently. On the one hand, they are more focused on results and the goal they want to achieve. Also, they care too much about your efficiency and your reputation in all walks of life. Instead, women prefer communication and cooperation. Most of the time we are in search of harmony and fostering personal relationships.
This can be noticed even in the behavior from the first months of life . Children from 3 months have an easier time finding their toys. In contrast, girls at that age already recognize and distinguish their family members.
You can also see this change in perception as they grow older. For example, girls learn to speak fluently much faster. Already from school age, you can notice that children compete in racing games, see who is the best for a sport, etc. We usually sit in circles to talk and generally there is no one who stands out from the rest.
Competition vs. Collaboration
While men seek to compete for a higher hierarchy in their social circle, women create bonds of cooperation. Basically, they compete and we collaborate.
In children’s groups you can quickly identify who is the leader. On the other hand, in the groups of girls, you can hardly distinguish the singing voice, because many times there is none.
All these behaviors are reflected in relationships. On the one hand, they prefer to break something and be alone while we prefer to talk about it to fix it.
Ask for forgiveness?
It is too difficult for men to ask for forgiveness because that would imply that they admit that they have been wrong. Your brain understands this as having failed, it is incompetent. They feel that they cannot fail their family or their partner and they know that we trust them.
When your partner has made a mistake about something and you try to explain that everything is fine, he interprets it as being incompetent. Like he hasn’t been able to fix something on his own.
Reasons why my husband is unable to accept his mistakes
These types of problems are present in many relationships. Many of us are affected by the false guilt imposed by our partner. The worst of all is that most of the time we allow ourselves to be convinced by this type of manipulation.
Because we must be clear that this is, manipulation to make us believe that we are the problem, when in reality it is not. Can these types of people change? If they can do it, but as long as they accept at first that they are having a failure. And this is the difficult thing indeed. If your partner blames you for everything, it is because:
Has narcissistic traits
The narcissistic traits of a person is more of a mental personality disorder. People who suffer from it have an inordinate sense of their own importance and lack of empathy towards others. They have an inordinate need for attention and admiration and are constantly looking for troubled relationships.
In other words, we could define a narcissistic person as someone self-centered and extremely proud. They are often vindictive of any little frustration or anger.
Any excuse is valid to blame the other and with this behavior, he is trying to manipulate you. Therefore, he develops toxic behaviors and is a possessive person that damages your self-esteem in order to control you more and more.
If your partner does not recognize his mistakes and blames you for everything, it is a clear sign of his immaturity . A mature man must have the ability to face his mistakes, and change when necessary. But if he is unable to do so, it is a clear sign that something is wrong with him.
Blaming you for his mistakes or not assuming when he is the one who has made a mistake is a way of avoiding responsibility . In this way, everything falls on your shoulders.
It is a strategy that he employs because he is not ready for a serious relationship. He lacks emotional maturity, social skills, and has a degree of narcissism.
It’s a defense mechanism
If your partner does not recognize their mistakes and blames you for everything, it may also be because it is a defense mechanism. He does not want to face reality because he is afraid of it.
In this case, it is normal for your partner to say phrases like “you never listen to me”, “you don’t care how I feel” or “you always think of yourself”. In this way, they use guilt to avoid the focus of the discussion and accept that they have been wrong.
When we use guilt as a defense mechanism, cognitive dissonance occurs . With this, two contradictory situations appear where your partner decides not to see them or accept them so that their identity is not touched. By doing so, they believe that they are much stronger.
Lack of selfesteem
Another reason that explains why your partner does not recognize his mistakes and blames you for everything is the lack of self-esteem . He does it simply to try to hide his insecurity.
Lack of self-esteem is one of the most common causes of narcissism. You try to be confident and proud, trying to hurt others emotionally because you don’t feel good about yourself.
Finally, one of the most common reasons that explain why a partner does not recognize their mistakes and blame you for everything is pride . This is very accompanied by the first point, since he has a superiority complex and narcissistic traits.
These types of people will never assume that they have been wrong. Asking for forgiveness means something very painful and embarrassing to them. Basically, they would rather have their tongues cut out than ask for forgiveness. Their goal is to constantly show that they are superior to the rest by making them see that they have been wrong.
Beyond these reasons that can explain why a couple does not recognize their mistakes and blame you for everything, you must be objective. With this we want to tell you that it will be necessary to analyze each of the moments.
Sometimes it may not really be your fault, but it won’t always be this way. Therefore, in order to be aware of what is happening and to be able to argue properly, you must first be honest with yourself about who and when is failing. If you start from there, you already have a great point in your favor.
How to Help My Partner Recognize His Mistakes
First of all, you should keep in mind that helping your partner begin to recognize and accept their mistakes will not be an easy task. Keep in mind that we start from the assumption that he is a man who usually refuses to do it.
These kinds of behaviors and attitudes have been with him for a long time. It is his way of relating to others and he has probably already had other couples who played his game and never faced it.
However, helping your partner change these behaviors is not impossible. Also, if you really want him and want to have a future by his side, you must do something about it to improve the relationship between you.
So if you have decided that you are going to take action and put an end to it, you should be aware that it will be difficult and will probably take a while. There is no magic recipe so that overnight your partner begins to recognize their mistakes and stop blaming you for everything.
Here are some tips that you can put into practice to help your partner:
- Empower yourself: if your partner does not recognize his mistakes and blames you for everything, your self-esteem may be on the floor. Then the first step will be that you begin to be independent in all areas of life.
- Analyze each situation: before facing your partner, it is best to analyze each of the situations in particular and be objective about what is happening. Identify the injustices, the why, and the consequences.
- Make him understand that you are not making a mistake: if after analyzing the situation you came to the conclusion that you are not to blame, make him understand it. This is probably the most difficult step, but the most important. If he cannot understand this, much less will he accept that he is the one who is failing.
- Ask him why: talk to him and the moment he starts to blame you, ask him for logical reasons. When a person has made a mistake or is denying reality, you will see how their “truths” begin to falter.
- Tell him clearly that he must accept his failures in order to improve: at this point, it is best to always be as clear and honest as possible. Do not be adorning the words in any way, if you have to say something that may hurt him, it will be the best way to make him see reason .
- Make it clear to him that the relationship will improve: he may be afraid to admit his mistakes because he believes that the relationship will end. Let him know that if he improves in this regard, it will be the opposite. They will be able to understand and communicate much better and they will never need to find a culprit. Communication will improve.
Once this glitch is improved, you will see that everything else will fall into place on its own. Things between you will flow more smoothly, and the problems that plagued you so much in the past will now no longer be so great. And best of all, you can see great progress in your partner.
What are the healthy attitudes and behaviors that my partner should have?
We have already talked about why it is so difficult for men to ask for forgiveness and why your partner does not recognize their mistakes and blames you for everything. Now, you are probably wondering what are the healthy behaviors and attitudes that a couple must have? Next, we will talk about it, but, first of all, you must be clear that this is something that applies to both of them and not just to them.
As we told you at the beginning, love shouldn’t hurt. This is the basic principle of any healthy relationship. When there is good love, there is esteem, admiration for the other, companionship, mutual help, good communication and respect.
Therefore, the behaviors and attitudes of a healthy partner involve:
- Respect for individuality: both are aware that they are people with their own tastes, ideas, thoughts, values and goals. These may or may not coincide with your partner.
- Communication: Communication is the foundation for any relationship. In a healthy couple, it is essential that you can talk about everything without any problem so that there is trust.
- They seek to be better: another of the behaviors is to seek to be better. You are both willing to change and improve any aspect of your attitude or behavior that is harmful to the relationship.
- Commitment grows: a healthy and stable relationship implies the commitment of both, to be faithful and partners despite how difficult things can become. With this, the loving and intimate ties grow between the two.
So far we come with this super complete guide on why your partner does not accept his mistakes and blames you for everything . We hope that it has been useful to you and that you can put into practice all the tips that we have shared with you.