We are shaped by our romantic experiences, our disappointments and our previous joys. And as curious as it may seem, when you are in a relationship, talking about your past relationships can be a real asset: explanations and instructions for surviving these dangerous discussions.
To deal with the inextricable complexity of romantic relationships, we set up a set of sacred rules, inspired by romantic comedies , S ex & the City and the experiences of our friends. And if we cling to these rules because they give us – wrongly – the reassuring feeling of mastering the situation, they remain for the most part absurd and eccentric. Besides the rule of three days, the taboo around ex figures at the top of this table of fanciful commandments, under the pretext that “The past is the past”.
Except that one can never evacuate one’s past so easily. On the contrary, it is what conditions our present, the person we are today, our desires and our neuroses in a relationship . Someone who has experienced a chaotic and unstable relationship may require more trust and security than is customary to ask their partner, for example, while someone who has suffered from a lack of communication risks being very anxious about this.
Talking about your ex can therefore be an essential step in consolidating a relationship: it will allow you to give the other person keys to better understand yourself. This discussion can therefore considerably enrich your relationship – provided, of course, that you avoid the pitfalls associated with this difficult subject. By ego, lack of confidence, or insecurity, talking about people the other loved one can be complicated, even dangerous. Here are 6 tips to succeed in talking calmly about your past stories – story to avoid the ironic melodrama in which you are left when talking about your exes.
1- Do not ask questions which you do not want to hear answered
Stirring up the ashes of the past amounts to embarking on a dangerous slope: the main thing is not to throw yourself into the void. Because the temptation can be great to play suicide bombers: the border is sometimes thin between what you want to know out of interest for your couple and what you want to know out of unhealthy curiosity . But you don’t need to ask him how many times a day he slept with his nymphomaniac girlfriend if you know that the answer will make you anxious and complex. The goal is not to self-torture, but to better understand the needs of the other in a relationship , so avoid masochism (and therefore questions about his s ex life of yesteryear).
2- Don’t get lost in details