We all know at least one: the couple who, concerned about the gaze of others and external judgments, seeks to convey an image of perfection. In public, these lovers pretend to be an immense complicity which commands admiration, do not raise any problem of a couple with their respective friends and display their perfect relationship which makes them so happy on social networks . They seem to agree on everything and to have found each other perfectly. Yes, we all know at least one “perfect” couple. A duo with which we compare our own relationship and which leads us to think that our couple is not so happy and fulfilled . In short, a couple who give us complexes.
But this kind of “autopilot” relationship is actually a pure invention intended to hide a completely normal relationship, with its ups and downs and often even, with more lows than highs . Because no offense to the followers of this masquerade, make people believe that their relationship is perfect is only an appearance, a fiction, a staging to convince others (and yourself) that everything is working. Rather than being honest, realistic and assuming your relationship as it is, with its qualities and faults, some people talk about it in an idyllic, almost utopian, way to reassure themselves.
When the obsession with perfection takes over
“It becomes a vicious circle, North Carolina-based s ex therapist Kelley Johnson tells Refinery29 , you see how perfect other people’s relationships seem, so you think there is something wrong with you and at your partner’s because you’re in a difficult situation, but instead of being honest, you present a perfect picture. This, in turn, can cause other people to question their relationship to your appearance. , visibly flawless. ” All this results from the fact that the cult of perfection has taken precedence over reality. This misconception that couples must be flawless seems to be part of the collective unconscious.
“So when problems arise , you are able to drop the relationship prematurely, because you think it is not right for you,” analysis in turn, Kristin Zeising, s ex therapist. But a relationship requires effort and adjustment. Dealing with disagreements , finding compromises and making concessions is the lot of all couples. Those who make you think otherwise are lying to themselves by lying to you. “The problem,” says Dr. Johnson, “is that today’s society no longer wants to make an effort and waits for everything to be offered to it on a platter. But a good relationship requires work.”
It’s not about staying in a relationship plagued by serious problems or punctuated by irreconcilable disagreements, but about being honest with yourself and others. Free yourself from the judgment of those around you, take responsibility for your relationship problems and the obstacles you have overcome. This is what makes your couple’s identity.