First of all, I would like to emphasize that the technique developed here is not taken from any book and does not come from any scientific study likely to confirm this technique. It is the fruit of personal experience.
This technique is for men who really love their spouse or partner and want to build something strong and lasting with them. A priori, this technique is not easy to apply but with a little confidence and good will, we can do it without problem.
See for yourself the complexity of this situation; your wife or partner has been mad at you for a while, but you don’t know why. You have certainly noticed it through his behavior, the talks that no longer converge, the heavy atmosphere that weighs in the marital home and so on. You try in a thousand ways to relax the atmosphere but nothing to do. She continues to answer you curtly “yes”, “no”, “I don’t know”, “I don’t remember” …
You are at the end of the line, you are tormented by this situation, you do not know what to do. You are really upset because you think she could have told you what was wrong without all these detours. You revise in your head the broken promises, the misplaced words of the previous days but still nothing. You cannot find what set fire in the heart of your partner who preferred to erect a wall of ice between you without whispering even a little word to you that could allow you to justify yourself.
So after having tried everything, she simply replied: “everything is fine”. Note that this does not necessarily demonstrate your spouse’s bad faith. Taboos, certain social constraints or the partner’s impulsiveness can be blockages that prevent your partner from telling you things in the face.
So the technique is very simple. Take advantage of something trivial to let your anger flare up. Cleverly move the argument to the topic you are concerned about, that is, the heavy atmosphere that has been hanging over the house for a while, without you having an explanation for it. Take the opportunity to shed all the string of sufferings that you have endured throughout this period because of this lack of communication. Do “everything” (insist on the gravity of the situation without insulting or physical violence) so that she ends up confessing to you by throwing in your face these words which had been blocked in her heart for several days or even weeks. You may be very surprised by this confession because it is often something that you have overlooked, telling yourself “it can wait” or “it is not important”, or you may have reminded him of the absence of “chili in the sauce!” “, Etc.
This technique is very delicate, because it is a question of resolving a conflict by another conflict. Do this very tactfully or else you risk creating a bigger conflict and making the situation worse.
Do not be tempted to say: “it is because of that only”, or even “this kind of attitude is unworthy of you”. It is essential that you know that what is important for your partner is not necessarily important for you and vice versa.
Remember, the goal was to find out what was wrong so that you could fix it. Take advantage of the moment when you discovered the bomb to defuse it gently and prevent it from exploding in your hands. For example, you can slip in words like: “I think about it at any time and I was counting on giving you a surprise” or “darling I was overwhelmed by my work and I regret having forgotten …”, or else confide you quite simply to your spouse so that she knows the difficulties you are going through (money problem, problem at work, family problems…) so that she understands what led to the “default”.
If you knew how to play the game at this stage, you will notice that the temperature has dropped a notch and the confusion reigns between you. Each took the other for the bad guy and you suddenly realize that it is not. Everyone will tend to justify themselves to avoid saying “I apologize” or “I beg your pardon”. But if you feel the need do it and the other will grow up doing the same. This is the perfect time to share even the most mundane little secrets.
