10 things you learned after leaving an abusive and narcissistic relationship

Why do people get into a relationship with a narcissist?

Leaving a narcissist is definitely one of the hardest things one could do. This is because narcissists are constantly seeking your attention, and once they feel like that is no longer being offered to them, they can do anything to get it back, including being abusive. They need someone to abuse and manipulate to prove to themselves that they are better, stronger, and smarter. Nothing that a narcissist actually says or does because they are so skilled at manipulation.

As difficult as this to believe, there are many reasons that make people fall in love with narcissists.

  1. Some narcissists have wonderful qualities. These include intelligence, good looks, a good sense of humor, fun, prestige, charm of power, and so on. These characteristics often accompany each other and thus make it easier to fall in love with them.


  1. They can be intoxicating. Charming narcissists can be quite intoxicating as they treat you like something they are after. They make you feel special, loved and chosen and when this is exaggerated it can be intoxicating, at this point it is unclear to other people, but these feelings fade over time and leaving could lead to a painful breakup.


  1. The same reasons they could fall in love with anyone else. People fall in love with narcissists in the same way that they might fall in love with anyone else. They know them, are drawn to them for their various qualities, and feel connected in the long run.


  1. Some people may fall in love with a narcissist as a result of repeating their past, where if they were raised by narcissists, they repeat the family patterns by which they choose someone who unconsciously repeats actions from their childhood, such as constantly seeking approval, attention, love, etc. etc. As a result, these people end up injured again as in their past.


  1. Sometimes insecurities lead people to enter into relationships with narcissists. Some people fear life without a partner and this leads them into the arms of a narcissist.


  1. Boldness and a sense of entitlement make a narcissist look sexy and seem like a good potential match. A narcissist knows how to do things to his advantage, and while doing so, many women will get carried away by his performance not knowing that all of this is meant to validate himself.

10 things learned from an abusive narcissistic relationship


1. Without a second chance

Don’t give the narcissist a second chance. If the narcissist isn’t ready for you to leave, which is often the case, go ahead and go. Staying in the relationship will not change who they are or what they are willing to do to get your attention. They will beg you and tell you how sorry they are, but giving them another chance is just giving them another chance to hurt you.

2. Make a copy of your documents

Narcissists have been known to take your personal documents in the name of custody. Make sure you always have copies with you. This is especially good if you are from a different country, as the abuser may hide your documents so you don’t escape.

3. make sure you have cash

If you are considering leaving an abusive narcissistic relationship, make sure you have your own bank account. If you are a financial abuser, do it in secret.

4. Don’t trust their flattery

Some narcissists can be sweet and charming and can use these traits to trap you in the relationship. Your ultimate goal might be to create the kind of environment you’ve always wanted so that you won’t find a reason to want to leave, but as soon as you settle back down, things will go back to the way they were before.

5. Reconnect with your friends and family

Narcissists want your undivided attention and so they separate you from your family and friends. They may have turned you against your family and friends by spreading lies. You must reconnect with your people; it takes a simple change of mind to realize that you have just been fooled.

6. Learn to ground yourself

Claiming yourself is very important. Find out why this person attracted you in the first place and break the spell. Ground yourself after an abusive relationship because you may still be living the experience.

7. Your value to people who admit they are wrong increases

This is the result of dealing with an abusive narcissist who always blames the others of his partners on his parents.

8. When you go, stay away

When you leave, you may be tempted to go back for all the good times you had, remember that these good times were created just to keep you there and trap you in the relationship. A narcissist will always be a narcissist and they are good at pretending.

9. Don’t rush into new relationships

One of the reasons people date similar people over and over again is because of rushing into relationships. If you were in an abusive narcissistic relationship, you can blindly fall into a similar one and end up with people treating you badly because of similar feelings.

10. Throw away your belongings

Once you’ve left the relationship, gather everything that reminds you of the narcissist and get him out of your way, especially if you don’t need these things. You can donate them or just give them away. It’s about ordering and new beginnings.

Once you learn all these things and more about loving an abusive narcissist, your life becomes much happier and you become stronger and you will be able to handle whoever and whatever life throws at you.

Support and recovery: where to get emotional and financial help

Domestic violence can cause emotional and financial problems that can be painful. When dealing with a narcissist, he can abuse you both ways, leaving you with invisible pain that people can’t see. Emotionally abusive tactics include criticism, control, verbal abuse, belittling, embarrassment, mind games, etc.

To help you recover from emotional abuse, it is advisable to share your experience with those close to you, such as your friends and family. Talking about a problem is one more step towards solving it

You should also consider visiting a therapist to guide you through your healing process. Take your time and don’t rush the process. Forgive yourself for anything you can blame yourself for and that’s when true healing begins to happen.

If you were in a financially abusive relationship, this could have led to poor financial condition and even large amounts of debt. Your abusive narcissistic partner may have taken all of your documents leaving you with nothing to prove your creditworthiness if you want to start over.

Always inform the government authorities in charge of handling these matters. This can give the narcissist influence and retrieve his documents. You can also consider talking to financial institutions and start planning for your future.

It is also good to ask your friends and family for financial help, as they understand well where it comes from. This way, you can start small and grow your business. Real family and friends will always have your back at all times. All you have to do is ask and explain your situation.


Loving an abusive narcissist is one of the experiences that could completely change everything you thought you knew about people. However, you must remember that people are different and you cannot judge the whole world by the actions of just one person. Therefore, it is important to learn to let go of the pain you feel. Leave the past behind and start creating a beautiful life with the people you really care about.

If you find it difficult to leave a narcissistic person, consider talking to them and advising them to seek help. It is the nature of a narcissist to avoid seeking proper care for this condition, and therefore, with high spirits, may take you to physical therapy. Through this, they can improve personal relationships and learn better behavior patterns. Through therapy, someone with a narcissistic personality disorder can learn and grow to accept responsibility for their actions. They can also learn to develop realistic goals and a better sense of proportion.