Navigating the waters of a new relationship can be exciting, but it can also come with its fair share of uncertainty, especially when you start wondering if the person you’re seeing is truly over their past. If you’re dating someone who has recently gotten out of a relationship, you might find yourself questioning whether they’re emotionally available for you. While it’s natural for people to take time to heal from a breakup, there are certain signs that can indicate that your partner may still be holding onto their ex, preventing them from fully committing to a new relationship. Here are 12 signs that he’s not over his ex yet, and that it may be time for a conversation about where things stand.
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He talks about his ex constantly
If your partner frequently brings up his ex in conversation, even when it’s not relevant, it could be a sign that he’s not fully moved on. Whether he’s sharing memories, talking about how they used to do certain things, or even mentioning how they would have handled things, it shows that his mind is still preoccupied with the past. While it’s normal to reminisce from time to time, constantly comparing you to his ex can be emotionally draining and might be a red flag that he’s not ready to let go. -
He keeps old photos or gifts
When someone is over a past relationship, they often clear out the memorabilia that reminds them of it. If he still has old photos, mementos, or gifts from his ex around his apartment or in his personal space, it’s a clear indication that he’s not emotionally detached. These objects can serve as a reminder of the past, and if he hasn’t made an effort to move on from them, it could mean he’s not ready to start fresh with someone new. -
He’s still in contact with his ex
Maintaining a friendship with an ex can sometimes be healthy, but if he’s regularly texting, calling, or meeting up with his ex, it could be a sign that his feelings aren’t entirely gone. If you’ve expressed discomfort about this and it hasn’t changed, it might indicate that he’s not fully ready to cut ties and let go of the past. -
He’s emotionally distant
While you might expect some distance at the beginning of a relationship as both parties get to know each other, if he’s frequently emotionally distant, it could be because he’s still sorting through his emotions for his ex. He might seem closed off or reluctant to open up about his feelings or experiences, which can create a sense of emotional unavailability. This lack of emotional engagement might be his way of protecting himself from getting hurt again, but it can also be a sign that he’s not fully invested in the present. -
He compares you to his ex
Comparisons can be one of the most painful things to hear in a relationship. If your partner often compares your appearance, personality, or the way you handle situations to his ex, it can be a sign that he’s still holding onto those old standards. He might be subconsciously measuring your worth against his past relationship, which could be preventing him from fully appreciating you for who you are. -
He has trouble committing
If you’ve been dating for a while and he seems hesitant to take the next step in your relationship, it might be because he’s still processing his past. Fear of commitment, especially after a painful breakup, is not uncommon. If he’s holding back from making plans for the future or refuses to label the relationship, it may be because he’s still not over his ex and is unsure if he’s ready for another serious commitment. -
He often brings up unresolved issues from his past relationship
Another sign that he’s not over his ex is if he frequently brings up unresolved issues from his past relationship, such as trust issues or emotional wounds. These unresolved emotions can sometimes spill over into your relationship, leading to unnecessary conflicts or emotional baggage that you’re not prepared to handle. If he’s still processing those feelings, it may take a toll on your connection, making it harder for both of you to move forward. -
He avoids talking about the future
When you talk about the future, whether it’s short-term plans like vacations or long-term goals like marriage or children, he might deflect or change the subject. This could be a sign that he’s not sure about his place in a new relationship or is still uncertain about his emotional availability. If he’s still holding onto his past, he might find it difficult to envision a future with you, which can be frustrating and confusing. -
He’s quick to shut down your relationship talk
When you try to talk about your relationship and where it’s headed, he might quickly shut it down or become defensive. This could be a sign that he’s not ready to face the reality of moving on from his ex. A person who’s emotionally available and ready for a new relationship will be open to discussions about the future, while someone who’s still stuck in the past might avoid those conversations altogether. -
He’s overly secretive about his personal life
When someone is trying to move on from a past relationship, they might feel like they need to protect their privacy or avoid certain topics. If your partner is overly secretive about his personal life or reluctant to share details about his day-to-day activities, it could be because he’s hiding things related to his ex or is unsure about how to balance his past with his present. -
He’s reluctant to meet your friends or family
If he avoids or makes excuses when it comes to meeting your friends or family, it may be because he’s not ready to fully integrate into your life. This reluctance could be a sign that he’s emotionally unavailable and may still be tied to his ex. If he’s not willing to make that step, it might mean that he’s not yet in a place to commit to a new relationship. -
He gets defensive when you mention his ex
Finally, if he gets defensive or upset when you ask about his ex or bring up topics related to his past, it’s a major red flag. His defensive behavior could be a way of avoiding confronting his unresolved feelings. Instead of discussing his past in an open and healthy way, he might react in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable or as though you’re crossing a boundary.
In any relationship, open communication is key. If you’re noticing any of these signs, it’s important to have a conversation with your partner about where they stand emotionally. While it’s natural to have a history, it’s equally important for both partners to feel that they can fully invest in the present and future of the relationship. If you’re dating someone who isn’t over their ex yet, it’s essential to be honest about your feelings and expectations and decide whether you’re willing to continue waiting for them to heal or if it’s time to move on.
