What if the real reason for your celibacy was simply that you are not (really) looking for love? Not in the right way at least.
You may dream of becoming a couple again, but is this the message you are sending to your potential partners? That would explain why you are still single. Indeed, perhaps you still have feelings for your ex and that in fact, you are not really free emotionally. In any case, this is one of the causes suggested by the relationship coach Vishnu Subramaniam for whom we would unconsciously adopt signs of emotional unavailability, thereby ruining our chances of finding a lover. This would be, he says, a kind of “self-protection instinct” harmful to our love progress. And as this expert explains to Mindbodygreen, here are 10 of the great signs that you refuse to open up emotionally to others.
1- You find endless excuses to justify that someone is not good for you
Focusing on the many reasons why you are not compatible or not made for each other.
2- You judge people without knowing them
Measuring them from stereotypes or preconceived notions.
3- You compare the person to other people who have already hurt you
Convinced that it will, of course, also make you suffer.
4- You rewrite the past
Again and again. So much so that stuck on your past stories, you prevent yourself from building something again.
5- You still want your ex
By refusing to forgive the other, you stagnate in a spirit of revenge and anger which makes you neither available nor willing for a new story.
6- You are afraid of being vulnerable
And in fact, you refuse to reveal yourself entirely to the other, preferring to stay on the surface.
7- You are afraid to evoke your feelings
You may hold on to someone, getting the message across to you seems insurmountable as you fear that it will not be reciprocal.
8 – You don’t think you deserve to be loved
However, it is better to start by loving yourself to make others want to appreciate us.
9- You do not believe that there is someone for you
You have been waiting to meet “the good” for so long that you start to think that the person you need simply does not exist.
10- You are trying to change your partner
To try to change someone is to make them understand that you do not appreciate them as they are. Now, isn’t it the aim of a romantic relationship to accept the other with his qualities and his faults?
11- You want someone who fully meets your criteria
The ideal man, you know the qualities by heart, you even made a list. And if a suitor misses one of your criteria, you strike him out of your life without even giving him a chance.
12- You expect the other to complete you
Implied, you do not feel fulfilled, fulfilled by yourself and expect (too much) from a relationship.
If you recognize yourself in one or more of the above signs, maybe it’s time to put an end to your ex, to appreciate yourself more and to trust again … even if the next good guy whoever crosses your path does not meet all the criteria on your list!
