You knew ghosting , this not really nice technique of breaking bridges overnight – and without explanations! – with its relation of the moment. You also knew about stashing , this equally dubious method which consists in hiding her and her partner from all those around her. But did you know firedooring (decidedly, the terms in -ing are popular in terms of romantic relationships), this technique is not frankly cool of which you could be a victim without knowing it?
What is firedooring?
The principle of firedooring ? Blow hot and cold to keep your partner available without giving him what he wants. An example ? Anna is crazy about Paul – it also works with Margaux who is mad about Amélie or Paul who is crazy about Margaux -, who seems just as crazy about her when they spend time together. But when Paul is far away, the adage “far from the eyes far from the heart” takes over: he no longer writes to her, no longer responds to his messages and leaves Anna without news for long days or even weeks.
He will reappear overnight, more attentive and enthusiastic about seeing her than ever. The reunion is great, Paul finds the right words to justify his absence then, rebelote, disappears again from circulation. A kind of one-way relationship, illustrated brilliantly by the term firedooring , a “fire door” through which nothing passes …
Because this is the problem with firedooring: if Anna feels like she is building something, Paul is completely absent. Without necessarily talking about being in a relationship , the victim of firedooring indeed has the feeling of experiencing the beginning of a relationship while the other is content to peck at moments of complicity, from which he expects nothing more. And this, without telling his / her partner.
This is where the shoe pinches. If this one · this one pushes the vice further, he · she can also take a malicious pleasure in reassuring the one · the one who has doubts, then to repeat the same blow to him again. Enough to make it completely goat …
Firedooring: how to get out of a one-way relationship?
Firedooring is fairly easy to spot. For that, it is necessary to detach oneself from the words and to concentrate on the acts. Paul may be ultra-reassuring when he reappears, but he does the same thing over and over again every time: he always disappears after an evening or a weekend however idyllic with Anna to reappear a few weeks / months later, full of good will.
Words of words, as Dalida sang, in definite contradiction to his actions. If you find that you are being gently firedoorée by your current date, ask yourself these three questions.
- What are you looking for right now?
If the answer is “a casual relationship without too much headache” and your current date has an unfortunate tendency to practice firedooring, ask yourself if this type of relationship can suit you. The important thing is above all to be aware that your Paul / Margaux / Amélie / Anna will act in this way and expect nothing more from him · her than what he · she is able to offer you.
Conversely, if the answer is “a more or less serious or followed relationship”, take your legs to your neck and close the door twice to preserve your mental health.
We would sincerely like to tell you that yes, Paul / Margaux / Amélie / Anna will change everything for your beautiful eyes. But we know from experience that optimism and patience do not always lead to a happy ending. If you want to try it because you feel good, go ahead but keep in mind that if your date continues to do so, you have nothing to do with it. Do not throw yourself at each other and avoid auto flagellation at all costs: his behavior is his own, not yours.
- Why am I embarking on this type of relationship?
Now that you think about it, it’s not the first time you’ve had a one-way relationship. Besides, the last time, it ended in a nice ghosting in good and due form. Take advantage of this new case to question yourself: what does this type of romantic relationship bring you and why do you often go to this kind of partner? The opportunity to take stock of you … and thus advance in your love life.