Tired of browsing dating apps to find love ? Rest assured, you are far from being the only one. A study carried out in 2017 for the Match.com site revealed that 54% of women declared themselves exhausted by the fact of looking for love. A weariness so real that it now has its own name: “dating burnout”, a burnout of dating.
And for good reason: looking for love on Tinder, Happn or OkCupid is not as fun as your friend Caro, married with two children, seems to believe. This is at least what she tells you when you tell her about this screwed up date – but relatively funny, it must be admitted – from last Tuesday. For those of you who have skimmed Tinder so much that the app comes to offer you the same profiles several times, dating apps are no longer very fun. Your search for love is seriously starting to run you over the bean and this celibacy , which you however sought to flee not so long ago, now seems to you to be a completely acceptable option.
Before throwing in the towel – or your smartphone – try “intuitive dating”. A concept born across the Atlantic that would push us to refocus on ourselves and trust us in the field of romantic dating. That’s what American therapist Julia Bartz explains to Psychology Today , listing five tips to try it out.
1- Take stock of what you are looking for
First step advised by the therapist: determine what you are looking for. Is it a long relationship? One night shot ? One between two? No matter, as long as it suits your desires. “It may seem smarter to adapt to the person you are facing,” says Julia Bartz, “but you will get better results if your intentions are clear.”
You have the right to change your mind, of course, but if you do, take the time first to make sure that this decision meets your expectations. At the risk of wasting time in an anything but divine idyll.
2- Limit the time spent on Tinder
Second tip: limit the time spent on dating apps. It is tempting to turn on Tinder, Happn or any dating app when you have some time in front of you (in the metro, in front of the TV or at a particularly boring meeting). But according to the therapist, spending more time on apps does not guarantee more success. On the contrary. She advises spending 15 to 20 minutes a day on online dating, no more, no less. A way to focus on the quality of discussions or meetings and no longer on the quantity of matches obtained in one evening.
3- trust yourself
Third tip? Listen to your instinct. Even if it is difficult to get an idea of someone via interposed screens, make it a point of honor to trust your intuition. If you only half feel someone you are talking to or have just met, do not insist or you will be exhausted and wasting your time. “If something is wrong or you have trouble pinpointing someone, it’s a sign that you shouldn’t continue in that voice,” confirms Julia Bartz.
4- Take stock of your love life
Take advantage of this “slow dating” to take stock of your journey. “This is the perfect time to reflect on yourself, your love journey and the injuries that affect your way of meeting people today,” said the expert. One way to take stock and avoid repeating past mistakes.
5- think of you
Last but not least, therapist advice: take care of yourself. We tend to think that we will only have nice weekends or good restaurants in the company of our loved one. A mistake by the therapist recalls the importance to have fun, whether you are alone or accompanied · e · e. So take advantage of your celibacy to do all those activities that your ex didn’t even want to hear about and think of you.
A good way to boost your well-being, with or without someone by your side … but also also to attract – according to the therapist – a person who will also take the time to enjoy the little pleasures of life . “People are attracted to those who share the same values,” explains Julia Bartz, “If you prioritize your well-being, your future partner will too.” And that’s pretty cool.