Audience data shows that the need for love is a vital need that affects absolutely all human beings and even all sentient beings.
If someone tells you that they don’t need love, that people who say they need love are weak, well that person is unhappy because they deny their humanity and believe they can know what t is well-being even as she lacks love and refuses to share love.
The duality of love, a human characteristic
All sentient beings, human and non-human, have needs for love. Non-human beings easily experience self-love and all know love for one another, but to very different degrees.
The peculiarity of the human being, it seems to me, is that he desperately needs not only love of oneself but also and much more love of others. The human being is a deeply social feeling being.
The current societies contradictorily seem to be far too individualistic, far too isolationist of the individual, not sufficiently united.
The bonds between people seem to be breaking down. Cities break ties. Everyone in their corner.
It becomes difficult to make friends, to find a life companion, to start a family – if you want -, to plan for a future of humanity that can be identified by an IP address, which can be located by precise geolocation data, connected to social networks and picking up appointments on Tinder.
Self-love vs. love of others
Self-love is beautiful. Personally, I don’t know if I love myself. I still think I have a lot of difficulties with myself and that’s why I see a psychologist.
I have been disconnected from myself for too long. For too long I have suffered from not having received the amount and quality of love, affection and attention that I needed as a child and teenager in the family circle.
This experience can easily make me fall, in adulthood, into emotional dependence.
When self-love is not nurtured it is very difficult to build anything with others let alone love.
It can even hurt to find yourself in a situation in which you love another person more than yourself – except in the case of an adult-child relationship.
When self-love is shaky, so is love for others. My social life and my relationship with others is a real selective sorting system.
Either I give everything or I give nothing. Either I like it or I don’t like it. Either I have a crush or I don’t. It’s all or nothing. The extremes.
I give all my confidence or I give nothing. It is a very risky and very unbalanced way of life which can very quickly lead to loneliness or in all to a feeling of loneliness.
My relationships with others are a kind of puzzle whose pieces cannot be found.
I have friends here and there, but the glue is missing to bring them together, for us to come together, or else for me to join a group, a tribe, a band.
My dream of love for others
Deep down, I dream of having my little group of friends. We would all be very close to each other. We would all be there for each other.
There would be no hypocrisy. That love. We would go out together. We would travel together. We would live together or very close to each other.
We would argue but it would enrich us and we would learn a lot from each other and each other.
We would be united We would love each other and we would like others well for others. We would have a lot of projects with each other.
I believe that in every introvert, there is somewhere this kind of dream of the group in which you feel good, confident.
Growing up, I realized that I couldn’t do everything on my own. I understood that I needed others. Fortunately or unfortunately.
The community is a bit the founding stone that is sorely lacking in my life. I have always believed that I could manage on my own, without anyone, to make my own life and to flourish on my own.
But I see that my happiness is also linked to that of others.
Today, I need to form strong bonds with others. For my own well-being, I must no longer isolate myself or lie to myself, thinking that it is good for me to remain quiet, in my corner with as little contact with others as possible.
I want to abolish this fear. Tame me. I want to love freely without blocking. I want to trust myself and others.
I want to be able to concentrate on the essentials of human relations so as not to fear the other.
I want my childhood memories to be nothing more than distant memories without negative repercussions, for my brain to rationalize my experience and adapt to my present to my new aspirations.
I just want to be able to love and be loved without pain. With respect, generosity, compassion, friendship, tenderness, consent.
Take me as I am. I want to be able to create my own safe space in all interactional and social situations.