I have spent much of my life believing that the strongest relationships are also the most chaotic.
After all, conflict is the heart of all the romantic comedies I have grown up with. Of all the love novels I have read. From all the series, all the articles, all the essays – all revolved around dramas and arguments.
Fight for each other. Fight to forget the other. Fight to make it work when things get complicated.
We are brought up to think that the loves which are worth it are those which are difficult. Chaotic. Incompatible.
And I’m here to tell you that this is just bullshit!
Here’s something that it took me a long time to do and I hope you get there faster than I do:
Love shouldn’t be the most complicated thing in your life. It shouldn’t be the main reason for your woes.
We surround with a veil of romanticism the fact of fighting for the other, of sacrificing for the other and of showing to the other that we will be there for him … And no matter how difficult this other is to love. In truth, the person who is made for you will not be difficult to love.
Because true love is easy.
It’s a Saturday afternoon, on the sofa, your legs wrapped around his, each in full reading and soothed by the silence of the other.
It is a road trip where the conversation is eloquent and then gives way to silence, as the kilometers pass by.
It is to agree more than disagree. It’s about being ready to pull the other one up, not down. It is being enthusiastic about the idea of a future for two, because we are building something that everyone sincerely wants.
True love does not center on conflict – it centers on harmony.
Helping each other grow. On supporting others over their challenges. Helping each other to outdo themselves and facing the worst as a team.
A conflict is likely to arise in any relationship.
But you have to wait for someone who sees conflict as a necessary evil and not a way of life. A person who wants to cross the conflict intelligently – looking for a fair solution and not a position of superiority.
Because a couple who can’t get away with it just isn’t romantic.
In real life, ruptures, reconciliations and incessant reunion are nothing tragically beautiful. In real life, this is just a continual waste of time and energy. In real life, it is not healthy for anyone.
Here is a disturbing truth about these “romantic soap operas” that we all idolized as we grew up:
If your couple is like Chuck-et-Blair, Rachel-et-Ross or Ted-et-Robin, I’m sorry to have to tell you, but you’re probably not with the right person.
Because love should not be reduced to conflict. It should not be reduced to misfortune. It shouldn’t be more tragic, chaotic and painful than it is easy and free.
Loving the person you are with should be as natural as breathing, most of the time anyway.
Loving him should be simple and almost innate. It should be easier than difficult. It should be clearer than complicated.
And if your love is none of that, your relationship is probably fake.
Because true love is easy, even in its most difficult hours.
And this love is definitely worth it to hang on to.
