For five years, I hurt a good woman, staying with her but never choosing her completely.
I wanted to be with her. I wanted to choose it. She was a delicious, brilliant, funny, sexy and sensual woman. She was able to make my whole body laugh with her thin mind and bypass my brain with her exotic beauty. Waking up every morning snuggling in my arms was my refuge. I loved him madly.
Unfortunately and as happens to many young couples, our ignorance about love confronted our relationship with stressful challenges. Very quickly, once our daily life of immature children had taken precedence over my delicious morning reveries, I came to often wonder if there was not somewhere else, another woman that it would be easier to love and who would love me better.
Each day, for five years, I chose it a little less.
As the months passed and these thoughts became more pressing, I chose it a little less. Every day for five years I chose it a little less.
I stayed with her. I just stopped choosing it. We both suffered.
Choosing her would have meant focusing on the gifts she brought to my life every day and for which I had to be thankful: her laughter, her beauty, her sensuality, her playfulness, her company and so much more.
Unfortunately, it was impossible for me to embrace – or even see – all the wonders it had in it.
I was too focused on his anger, his anxieties, his requests and all the other aspects of his personality that annoyed me. The more I focused on the worst, the more I saw it and the more I took revenge on it by offering it my worst behaviors. Naturally, this only amplified the tensions that already existed within our couple … pushing me to choose it even less.
I was too focused on his anger, his anxieties, his requests and all the other aspects of his personality that annoyed me.
And this is how the infernal spiral was played out for five years.
She fought for me to choose her. It was pure madness. We cannot push someone to choose us, even when they love us.
To be honest, she didn’t choose me completely either. His fury invectives were evidence of this.
That said, I now realize that she was often angry with me because she did not feel safe with me. She felt that I did not choose her every day, in my words and in my actions and she was afraid that I would abandon her.
In truth, I abandoned it.
By not choosing her every day for five years, focusing on what annoyed me rather than what I loved about her, I let her down.
Like a precious flower that I would have brought home but that I would not have watered, I left it alone in many ways, withering under the moist heat of our relationship.
It is torture for all.
Never again will I come to not choose a woman I love.
It is torture for all.
If you are a couple, I invite you to ask yourself the following question:
“Why do I choose my partner today?” “
If you are unable to provide a satisfactory answer, dig deeper and find one. It can be as simple as that: knowing that at the bottom of your heart, you (or it) choose it and that it is simply so.
If you are unable to answer it today, try again tomorrow. We all live in days when we are no longer connected.
But if too many days go by and you are unable to remember why you are choosing your partner and your relationship is plagued by stress, go away. Allow another to come, take a fresh look at your partner and open a heart full of desire that will (he or she) enthusiastically choose him or her every day.
Your loved one deserves to be chosen with enthusiasm. Every day.
And you too.