When you are in a relationship and you want to stay in it, there are three sentences to banish from our vocabulary according to an expert.
It is a fact: we are much more sensitive to friction and spikes than to sweet words and compliments. Suddenly, we will remember (perhaps subconsciously) more easily the reproaches that we have been made than the positive remarks. It is, therefore, all the more important to have more positive interactions to flourish in a happy and healthy love story. Moreover, as Mydomaine reports, according to a study by Professor John Gottman on couple relationships, there would be a magic ratio: five positive interactions against a negative for love to thrive.
“In other words, as long as there are five times more positive interactions between partners than negative, the relationship is likely to be stable.” Based on this ratio, Dr. Gottman is even able to predict a divorce! Very unhappy couples tend to have more negative interactions than positive ones. Now, explains the specialist, “if a certain level of negativity is necessary for a stable relationship, positivity is what nourishes your love”.
You will understand, the small spikes are sometimes impossible to repress within its couple. But, according to clinical psychologist Alexandra Solomon who confided in Psychology Today there are all the same three sentences to avoid swinging at your partner because they particularly have the gift of irritating him, of placing him on the defensive.
“If you loved me, you would …”
The psychologist suggests reformulating it using the following terms: “I have a lot of trouble understanding what is preventing you from doing it.”
“Why is it not like before?”
It may be true, but love changes over time. We cannot remain eternally perched on the little cloud of the first months. So instead of telling her that, tell her clearly what you would like to get: “I want us to go on a date like we used to”, or “I want you to massage me as you did it before “. And you will find that you are much more likely to achieve your ends in this way.
“You act like your mother (or father)!”
Unless it is said in a positive way to underline a common quality with his father or his mother, avoid pronouncing this sentence which is likely to cause a storm within your couple. On the other hand, tell him what annoys you there, right away: is he shouting too loud? Does it avoid discussion? And explain to him (calmly) that this does not encourage you to go to him.