You think you’ve found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, but how do you know if they’re really “the one”?
You can hire someone to map your zodiac sign or do compatibility tests.
But there is another way to determine your love compatibility.
Peter Pearson, couples therapist and co-founder of the Couples Institute, revealed the most important elements for a successful marriage.
His first answer?
“Chemistry isn’t everything,” he said, “But if the chemistry isn’t there, it’s hard to overcome.
If the chemistry is more there for one person than the other, that’s hard to get over.”
What Pearson calls social chemistry (the way you feel when you’re with the other person).
April Masini, relationship expert and author of Date Someone Out of Your League, also shared in an article: “Chemistry draws people to each other, even when they don’t seem like a good match.”
So How Do You Find Out If There’s Something Beyond Chemistry In Your Relationship?
More importantly, how do you find out if you are really compatible and can have a successful relationship?
Pearson suggests using a little transactional analysis.
Transactional analysis (TA) is a model of people and relationships that was developed during the 1960s by Dr. Eric Berne.
AT is based on two ideas: 1) that we have three parts or ego states in our personality; and 2) that they talk to each other in transactions (hence the name).
These ego states are:
- Parents: What have you learned
- The child: What did you feel?
- The adult: what have you learned
If two people are really compatible, they will connect at each level.
Pearson showed how to use these ego states when trying to find compatibility.
- Parents: Do you have similar values and beliefs about the world?
- The child: do you have fun together?
- Can you be spontaneous?
- Do you think your partner is hot?
- Do you like to travel together?
- The Adult: Does each person think the other is brilliant?
- Are you good at solving problems together?
The more questions you ask yourself and your partner, and the more specific you are, the more you can decipher your true compatibility.
While it is the best scenario to match your partner in all areas, sometimes people do get involved in relationships with people who will balance them out.
One person may be the most adventurous and the other the most cautious and careful.
“This works until someone gets tired,” Pearson said.
But How Can You Find Out If You’re Compatible And Will Have A Successful Relationship?
There are five ways compatible couples connect and show how ego state issues work:
1 . Commitment
Both parties are committed to each other and to their relationship.
This falls into the parental ego state where both parties share the same level of value towards the bond.
2 . Consideration
Compatible couples never forget the importance of their relationship and ensure consideration and presence for their partner.
In the adult ego state, this includes considering someone else’s happiness before your own and learning lessons from past relationships.
3 . Keeping Things New And Young
While a couple may age, they ensure their relationship stays young.
As part of the infantile ego state, be spontaneous and open to learning new things.
4 . Have a Sense of Humor
A sense of humor can bring a couple together, help release frustration and tension, and just be fun.
Also falling into the infantile ego state, have fun together.
5 . Have Intimacy Every Day
Showing intimacy with a touch or gesture, or actually listening when your partner is expressing their feelings, shows true compatibility.
This is part of the adult ego state and/or child state as intimacy is something you feel but could have learned from previous relationships.
Couples who connect on multiple levels and share many of the same personality traits and values are more likely to go far in the relationship.