If each love story is different, it is not uncommon for couples to go through a number of common stages during their relationship that lead to certain questions. What are these different stages? And above all, what are the keys to living them serenely?
Passion
Do you have butterflies in your stomach, stars in your eyes, a blissful smile permanently displayed on your face? No doubt, you are falling in love! Love at first sight!
It is the phase during which any pretext is good to see yourself, and you count the hours which separate you from the next appointment. You discover a host of things in common, have a constant desire for others, and love everything they do.
In short, your relationship is magic, and your other half is an extraordinary being! Certainly, this honeymoon will run out of steam, but this period is essential to develop a bond. And then, it must be admitted, it is so beautiful to envision the future together. Then, slowly, your couple, so united and passionate, begins to fall into a much-feared cycle: everyday life.
The 3 years mark
After a while – one, two or three years – the relationship gradually seems to lose strength. The honeymoon period that you once lived, and that you thought was the definition of love is over. But rest assured, it is simply a sign that your relationship is evolving.
Her little faults that you found so touching now tend to get on your nerves, and certain aspects of your personalities are revealed. Not to mention your common projects, which you talked about with enthusiasm, and which have been relegated to the background.
It is at this stage that you discover your differences. This awareness can then signal the end of the journey, or strengthen the couple. Also be aware that not having butterflies does not mean that your love is in decline, but rather that it is changing.
And then, it is an opportunity to find yourself, you who only lived through your relationship. It’s the perfect time to redefine your life goals, alone or in pairs.
Communication is the key ingredient to keep your couple safe and to keep frustrations from building up. We dare to say things, and we learn to receive criticism.
And above all, know that a discussion does not contain only reproaches. There is also a place for good shots and compliments.
The 7 years mark
You have been in a relationship for several years. The passion, the routine, the questioning, you know.
If you have managed to cross this path full of pitfalls, you are now in the process of building your future and developing the common projects that you had defined. And if these are dragging their feet, especially because of the vagaries of life, this is the perfect time to take stock of the situation.
You are also at a stage where you have no secrets for each other. Obviously, this does not prevent arguments, but you know the dynamics of your couple and know how to adjust. Be careful however with the autopilot which could make comfort … a little too comfortable.
You could then remain at the status quo stage, where nothing advances by dint of taking the other for granted and where seduction and desire are no longer as important as before. It may be time to spice up your life as a couple and rediscover, for a brief moment, the passion of the beginnings. A suggested reading: Romantic gestures to spice up everyday life.
Cohabitation
Living together, regardless of the stage of your relationship, is not an easy task. Decoration, lifestyle, finances, many factors can fuel frustrations.
So how can you build a cozy nest with complete peace of mind? Again and again communication, to find compromises, express what you feel and thus leave the chicane at the door of the apartment.
And then, be aware that living together does not necessarily mean that you have to be glued to each other continuously, at the risk of suffocating each other.
Children
A growing family is synonymous with happiness. But quickly, the other loses its exclusive status and is relegated to second place. From the status of lovers to that of parents, the dynamic is upset and can end up creating damage, which we realize too late. Do not wait to be in your last entrenchments to offer you moments for two.
In fact, this common challenge should even bring you closer. Indeed, who could understand you better than your other half, who experiences the same emotions as you?
On the other hand, do not forget that before being the other parent, this person was your lover.
A drama
Personal or common, going through a drama for two is often easier, provided you respect everyone’s emotions.
Do not hesitate to express yourself when you feel the need. Your partner cannot guess your distress. Feeling supported can help you recover from a drama, as long as you don’t always rely on others to get better. You are the only person capable of experiencing your emotions and going up the slope.
Unfaithfulness
No, infidelity unfortunately does not only happen to others. However, the way you manage this difficulty is personal to you. And then, it can revive an old wound, or collapse your universe. In any case, you cannot ignore your emotions.
If it is far from easy, take a step back and analyze the situation and the reasons for this act is necessary to take stock, clarify things and redefine what you expect from your relationship.
Infidelity undermines trust and honesty, two of the couple’s cements. Do not hesitate to call on a third person who can help you see more clearly, and make the right decision on whether we will survive this ordeal .
Retirement
You have gone through births, children leaving the family nest, crises, tragedies and perhaps illnesses. But there. You imagined yourself living for yourself again, and instead you find yourself face to face.
Tell yourself that your spouse is probably experiencing the same anxieties as you. Try to balance things between your couple plans and your personal desires.
Why not plan activities for two that you have always put off, due to lack of time, such as a trip for example, in addition to devoting yourself to the hobby that you had once abandoned? One does not prevent the other. And as in everything, it’s the balance that counts.
