After repeated disappointments, it’s hard not to end up believing that men are all the same.
Unfaithful, cruel, and too s**xual, our Jules makes us live the same scenarios forever.
Are we too naive, too different, or unable to understand them?
Here is why the situation is not necessarily what we think.
Yes! They are all human
Behind this, a somewhat mocking title hides a real explanation for our misunderstanding.
You don’t understand why he suddenly doesn’t care about you, why he doesn’t keep his promises, why he doesn’t want to commit?
Because just like you, sometimes he is wrong. He thought he had found a girl who suited him, in this case, you but gradually realized that it wouldn’t work.
Because just like you, he is afraid. He is afraid of hurting you by revealing the truth to you. So he prefers to hide in silence and flee. He is also afraid of loving and having to entrust his heart to someone.
Because just like you, he doesn’t know what he wants. So one day, he tells you that he only needs you, then the next day he realizes that he still needs freedom.
Because like most human beings, he wants the best for him. So if he deems it better to move away from you because you are not able to fill him as much as he wants, he will leave even if it is an act that hurts you.
Not that he doesn’t like you, but he likes himself better.
Because like most human beings, he likes what is beautiful and socially valued. So if this is not necessarily what he will favor, he will not be insensitive to the beauty of the luscious woman who will pass in front of him.
Because like most human beings, it is not always rational. And even if he knows that he will lose a lot by cheating on you, there, his brain pushes him to choose immediate pleasure: between the legs of another. And tomorrow he won’t be able to really tell you why he did it.
So the real question is: do we “allow” men to make mistakes? Aren’t we expecting too much from them?
Without accepting to be treated the wrong way, could we say that the fairer s**x is not so obnoxious and that behind their awkwardness are hidden beings, a little silly at times, but above all human?
There’s no smoke without fire
Despite this retreat on the thing, one cannot deny that men and women are different and especially… that the men between them, tend to have similar behaviors.
If the fairer s**x has complained about decades and more, that the men are cowardly, more frivolous, or even less sentimental, it is that there is hiding a part of truth there despite everything. But maybe not the one we think.
There is indeed a common basis between men.
Yes, the majority give more importance to the physical than women because they are more visual than us.
They may be led to prefer, at first sight, your girlfriend Gégette because she has big bu**ocks, which are more suggestive.
Yes, they may more often make selfish decisions. But that’s because women are more empathetic natures and their instincts push them to take care of those around them. Which is less the case for them.
Finally, these preconceived ideas can be explained in a fairly concrete way: men do not work like women. And we find it difficult to manage this dissimilarity.
But more than accepting it, in the same way, that guys try to decode the female language, we must also learn to speak “the man”. And above all, learn not to transpose our logic on their way of behaving.
If we find that men are not very attentive, is it not rather because we do not notice their own way of making us happy? A prepared meal, an evening with ‘sacrificed’ friends, an affectionate caress are simpler ways of saying “I love you” because they are not always comfortable with words.
If we think that men are less romantic, is it not rather because on the contrary, they are too much? Still stuck in the myth of “The One” that will arise one day in their lives and that of “mother and whore”, many men are in an “all or nothing” logic and do not want to get involved seriously until they find the right one. In the meantime, they are having fun with others.
These similarities of thinking in men are obviously true if we consider them in a very global way. Men are all unique and will be more or less concerned with these truths according to the proportion of the female and male share in them.
In one man, a multitude of differences
Men are not only unique but even in each of them, there are different facets.
Like chameleons, we adapt our behavior according to our interlocutor. We do not act in the same way with those we love, as with strangers. We also act differently depending on our mood, the environment, or our age.
This means that this man who disappointed, betrayed, deceived, ignored may be the perfect lover of his next girlfriend.
By meeting her in a different context, it may then be more conducive to projecting herself seriously. And the feelings that he will develop for her and that he will not have had for you will lead him to behave better.
What if we always go to the same?
“Our cognitive patterns are inscribed in the psyche and instinctively push us towards what is identified as something that we can adapt to, with which we can live or even survive,” explained psychotherapist Jean Cottraux.
In other words, we are led to unconsciously repeat the same patterns in love. We are moving towards the same type of man because even if it hurts us, it reassures us.
You should also know that you are treated the way you think you deserve it and live up to what you accept.
While I could not have done two months with this type of men, friends of mine agree to stay with boys who pay them no attention, see love as adolescents, or are completely unable to communicate.
And why do they stay? Because they think that ‘s the norm.
Now the norm is you who define it when you choose the people with whom you want to live a story.
To conclude, we cannot say that “men are all the same”. Aside from creating one more barrier between us, this observation would not be very productive.
It would ultimately be hiding behind an excuse to lose faith in love and not step out of your comfort zone.
And by dint of believing too much, we end up making short cuts and seeing the evidence where it isn’t.
We may want to over-explain everything and put things inboxes. Men are not charming princes. Nor are they just Don Juans. Or maybe they are sometimes a bit of both.
In short. They are all different.
And you, have you ever thought that men were all the same?