Communication in a relationship is not always simple, there are golden rules to follow and things to avoid!
Good communication in the couple:
A happy couple is a couple that communicates!
The key to harmony in a couple lies in the art of good communication. The goal is to be able to feel listened to and free to express your thoughts and emotions.
At the beginning of the relationship, we have no problem accepting the differences of the other but over time it becomes unbearable! Expectations start to diverge, desires dissolve, vibrations evaporate … we move away without knowing how to stop the locomotive. The result of this estrangement is a set of feelings just as unpleasant as the frustration, the discontent, the anger and the incomprehension of seeing our lover become a real stranger!
With communication, couple problems can be solved at 90%! For this, we must learn to speak openly and sincerely about our desires and our expectations. We must not let our frustrations take over and create an insurmountable distance because of all the unspoken.
I will try to help you by giving you some keys to communicate well in your relationship.
How to communicate well in the couple?
1 / Express your point of view
If you want to give yourself the means to succeed as a couple, you have to learn to express your positive and negative feelings.
It is imperative to learn to speak by saying “I” and not by criticizing the other in order to open communication.
Ex: Thank you for helping me with the cleaning but I would like you to be able to put away the vacuum cleaner after having used it.
Put yourself in the other person’s place and see the world in their own way.,
So to live a happy marriage, it is necessary to know how to express constructively your negative and positive feelings to your partner.
Learn to express yourself in a measured tone: with gentleness and serenity. Don’t be angry because you risk saying derogatory things. It is preferable in this case to postpone a conversation even for an hour until the negative feelings subsides and leaves room for positive dialogue. It is much easier to chat in peace, although it may take some time.
2 / Ask questions to each other for better communication in the couple
This will allow you to better understand what the other is thinking and feeling.
How to do? Learn to rephrase what the other person has just said so you can be sure you understand correctly and show the other person that their point of view interests you.
Ask him to explain what he means when he talks about a particular subject. By asking him questions you show him that you are interested in what he says.
It is, therefore, necessary to listen to him sincerely and not to interpret what he says. It sounds simple, but you might be surprised how difficult it is to actively listen to your partner, especially when there is an argument. Even if you have strong opinions or are eager to share your point of view, be sure to allow your partner time to share their feelings and listen to them carefully. Reinforce your intimacy by showing that you are attentive.
This communication technique, when used well, soothes the other. In general, one of the most frequent errors in communication, and in couple communication in particular, is to deny or lessen the feelings of the other . When a person can freely express their feelings, they feel accepted and understood. Therefore, quality communication can be established between the two partners of the couple.
3 / Ask yourself questions
It is very important to ask questions about your own relationship. This allows you to keep in mind what is happening and to remain realistic in the face of the situation.
The questions that can be asked are for example:
- Where am I in my relationship?
- What is my desire regarding this relationship?
- Do I really put all the cards on the table to discuss?
- Do I respect the other in what he is in his differences of point of view and idea?
4 / Let the positive speak for good communication in the couple
It is very important to spread positive about feelings and speech. These positive feelings generate well-being in the person who feels them and in the person to whom they are addressed.
If the compliments outweigh the criticism, the relationship is solid. Otherwise, the relationship is fragile and may even disappear. When the criticism outweighs the compliments, the partner who is subjected to the criticism will not be willing to question themselves.
Conversely, when the compliments prevail, then the chances for the other to hear us are much greater. Compliments open the heart of our partner. Conversely, the critics provoke a defense and confinement reaction. Indeed, no human being can undergo a stream of uninterrupted criticism without being strongly upset.
Some people are unable to listen to a compliment given to them without being very upset. They will immediately change the subject, look away or even blush. It is much easier for these people to give compliments than to receive them. However, it is not possible to remain in such a configuration indefinitely, as it undermines the fluidity of the relationship.
” The biggest problem in communication
We don’t listen to understand, we listen to answer ”