Have you ever wondered why your man seems to have no feelings at all in moments that involve a lot of emotion?
Here are some clues to answer that question.
One of the most common questions women ask about relationships is this:
Why doesn’t he call me?
Why doesn’t he care about me?
Why doesn’t he show how he feels?
The answer is simple.
It’s because he doesn’t want to. If a man wanted to express feelings, they would do it in a heartbeat.
Unfortunately, there are many things that keep them from being more communicative about feelings.
- Maybe he’s shyer.
- Perhaps he is more apprehensive.
- Maybe he’s worried about other things.
There are endless reasons a man might not want to express everything that’s in his heart, but the bottom line is, that you can’t control how men are programmed.
It’s hard when someone expects you to communicate in a specific way when in fact you’re not programmed to do so.
The same goes for them.
Men are different because they were obviously programmed differently than women.
Society says it’s not for men to show their feelings.
And the father says it’s not to do what women do.
Even with roles increasingly reversed and mixed between men and women, many men still feel they need to behave in a certain way to maintain their masculinity.
What women really want … when women complain that men are being too cold or too indifferent, they’re not asking them to show emotion.
They are ordering some kind of affection.
There is an obvious difference between the two, between asking and ordering, yet men still have a reputation for having a heart of stone.
That’s because showing affection means showing emotion.
Without showing emotions, people end up assuming that men don’t have feelings, whatever they are.
Just because a man isn’t willing to show his emotions doesn’t mean he doesn’t know what he’s feeling.
The normal state of the human mind forces us to show emotions because it is fundamental to our survival.
If a person is literally unfeeling, either he is not being truthful or he is about to behave like a psychopath.
The truth is, men are all the time expressing feelings.
They just don’t show how women expect.
People are increasingly breaking down barriers, but one thing that hasn’t changed is how confused women are about men’s feelings, what they have to give in, and why they don’t.
Women want love, but men are not so willing to give that love that women want so badly.
Why do men insist so much on not showing or expressing affection?
Let’s go back to the first complaint: why do they act like they don’t have any feelings?
Psychologists are just as intrigued as you are, which is why they decided to research these men’s resistance to getting in touch with their sensitive side.
Some studies have shown that men are wary of women who insist on demanding feelings from them.
The reason is that when they finally show feelings, the partner fails to welcome the gesture in a positive way.
Most women don’t know how to deal with an emotional man, yet they insist on having a more open man, even though they’re not ready to deal with his feelings.
An example is when a man finally starts crying.
Usually, this only happens in highly emotional situations.
Women demand an “I love you” from a man, but they are rarely ready to hear an “I am in pain, please help me”.
It’s shocking to see someone you see as your protector admit they can’t fulfill that role.
This feels like a threat to your well-being because if anything happens to you, physically or emotionally, your man is unable to help you.
What makes things worse is when you don’t recognize the effort he made to show you his feelings.
Most women end up scared when they realize that men are capable of intense emotions.
It shows that you’re asking him to be even more open, but you’re not ready to deal with everything he has to say.
Women say they want a partner who knows how to show feelings, but only certain feelings… and in small doses—doses so small they’re not even considered an expression of feelings!
Whose fault is it then?
It’s nobody’s fault.
Society just evolved that way.
If you wait for a little longer, things can change.
For now, you’ll have to make do with a man who, at best, isn’t locked in the traditional way.
They’re going through what’s called a “double bind” where they have to choose between two unwanted options.
Society is forcing men to break the shell and be more emotionally expressive, but when they manage to do that, they are perceived as ill-adjusted men.
The problem is that men have been conditioned for so long not to express themselves that the idea of showing fear or sensitivity can be shocking to anyone who witnesses the scene.
And since we’re talking about how other people perceive men when they show emotions, a more positive reaction might encourage them to be more open in the future.
If they can express themselves without being judged, they won’t have to feign indifference.
With that in mind, maybe it’s time for everyone to start accepting the fact that men have the same feelings as women, with the same intensity.
And don’t blame hormones for the differences — men carry a huge load of the most aggressive hormone, testosterone.
That’s why women should be thankful that men don’t have PMS.
What can you do to deal with an indifferent partner?
If you’re already dating a guy who insists on not showing his emotions, here are your options:
1. Raise the Discussion About the Need for More Communication and Openness.
It won’t be easy, especially if he’s used to being apathetic, but you should be honest about his needs.
2. Know When and What Questions to Ask.
Just because your boyfriend or husband isn’t as expressive doesn’t mean he won’t answer your questions about how he’s feeling.
Let him know that your relationship is safe.
3. Don’t Force The Bar.
If you don’t get the response you were hoping for, it just means your man doesn’t know what to say or how to explain his feelings to you.
Respect his privacy and move on.
Even if he doesn’t express emotions and feelings the way you think he should, he can show through actions, so it’s important to note some of them:
A. They convert feelings.
For example, instead of being sad, the man may express anger.
B. They put feelings into other activities.
Practice some sport, or hobbies or even get out of the house to breathe a little.
C. His emotions may show through physical pain.
Sometimes backaches or headaches can be caused by some stress that they can’t express verbally.
You cannot change a person.
You can encourage him to make a positive change in interactions, but there is no guarantee that this will work.
For now, you can be content with the fact that your man feels something.
He just doesn’t know how to show that feeling.
6. If you can’t accept it, stop dating someone you can’t form a connection with.
The first thing you should consider is dating a guy who doesn’t care what other people think.
Once you get that, don’t forget to be as open as you want your boyfriend to be.
It would be hypocritical to demand vulnerability while you don’t show it yourself.
Although there are endless jokes about men and their emotions, many women find that they are at a loss about their partner’s feelings.
The most common request in a relationship is this: to show more feelings and emotions.
The steps above will help you overcome this need for more affection on his part… or encourage your man to be more open, gradually.