You’ve had this date with the woman, you’re excited about her, or maybe you’re already in love. But right after saying goodbye, you feel insecure: you worry about correct behavior after the first date.
Above all: when should I contact you? And what should I write to her?
These are the agonizing questions that men keep hammering into our heads. The person is simply afraid of making a “mistake” – but wants to do everything right so that second date (and later possibly a relationship) can happen.
Don’t worry! In this article, I will tell you the 11 most important rules of how you should behave after the first date so that the woman wants to see you again!
Insecure after the first date: what every man feels!
First of all: it’s completely normal if you’re now sitting meditating at home on your four walls because you’re not sure after the first date. And I’ll let you in on a secret: I used to feel the same way.
You look back and see the meeting with the lady like a movie in your head, but at the same time, you wonder how things should be now. There are thousands of complicated questions circling the convolutions of the brain:
- Did the woman find me attractive? Did I make a good impression so she wants to see me again? Did I behave correctly on our date?
- Or also: is this girl really right for me? Do we fit in?
- Who will contact you first after the first date?
- Why doesn’t she contact (more) / not respond? Has she lost interest?
- When should I contact her – now or should I wait a few more days?
- And if I message her via WhatsApp/SMS: What should I write?
- Or do you prefer to call? But then what should I say on the phone?
- Finally, how can I request a second date?
Especially when you’re in love after the first date or at least thought the woman was great, you don’t want to make a mistake. The fear of loss is then particularly high, which leads to particularly intense reflection. I am right?
11 rules after the first date: how to meet again!
Okay, your first “sniff” is over, you’re back home and wondering how things are going to go on. Now I will open the secret knowledge chest and tell you when to contact me and what to write.
Of course, the goal is always to get a second date. That’s why I’m going to explain some bans to you and what stupid men’s magazine rules you can safely ignore.
1. Think calmly: how was your first meeting?
First, you should think about whether you want to see the woman again and whether a second date is worth it. Of course, if the conversations went well, you had fun and maybe you are already in love, then of course the question is superfluous…
… You’d rather meet her again today than tomorrow!
But maybe you’re also insecure because your date was a little rowdy and the conversation didn’t really start. You wonder: is it worth investing the time and effort to see this woman again?
From experience, I can say: don’t give up so fast! Because not every encounter immediately shines like a diamond.
It could be that she (or the two of you) got a little shy and inhibited, as is often the case when you first meet. It only takes a second attempt to develop towards the other.
So if the mood at the meeting was basically positive and the chemistry was kind of right, I would definitely give the whole thing another chance.
Often, as you get to know each other better, you discover many other exciting aspects of the lady that you would never have expected from her.
2. Don’t worry about your interest, don’t get too euphoric
The next important point regarding your emotional state: if you really feel like you’re in love after dating, you should slow down a bit. It was just the first date, and you don’t know how she feels about you or if you were really meant for each other.
Avoid rash confessions of love via WhatsApp and questions like “What’s between us now?” It’s still too early for that, which is why such rash behavior scares most women after the date.
Otherwise, the whole merry-go-round of thoughts won’t be of much use if you’re not sure at the moment if she’s into you. You will automatically find out in the near future if she sees you as her great love and how well you get along.
You can tell if she’s writing back to you, going on a second date, and how getting to know each other works.
So: start the next steps carefully, contact her and see what happens!
3. Who will contact first after the first date?
First of all, I’d like to reassure you: if the girl doesn’t contact you first after the first date, it doesn’t have to mean anything bad. Women simply expect us, men, to take the first step and show initiative.
So it could be that she stays at home just as melancholy/hopeful as you are, waiting while thinking, “Damn, when will this guy finally get in touch?”
There are women who make contact first after a meeting – but I wouldn’t trust that.
So the answer is clear: as a man, you should take the action and contact him first after the date – if she doesn’t get in your way.
4. When to talk after the date?
You often hear tips from potential experts that you should wait 3 days after your first date. For many men, this is an iron rule that must be observed.
The reason for this so-called 3-day rule: you shouldn’t look too needy and make the girl “restless” during your courtship. After all, what woman likes guys who chase after them like a panting dachshund?
Forget about that stupid regulation with the artificial delay tactic! As long as you don’t bombard the woman with SMS and WhatsApp messages and shower her with sticky compliments, it’s okay to get in touch after just one day.
Because it doesn’t really matter WHEN you write to her. Much more important is WHAT you write (see below).
5: Chat directly after the date
I advise you to get back in touch immediately after the meeting!
In my experience, it goes down incredibly well when you write the woman a short message immediately after the date and say thank you for the beautiful evening/afternoon.
Because? This confirmation (let’s call it a “mini compliment”) reinforces your positive feeling if she found you attractive in any way. She may also feel relief because she sees that you are still interested and thinks about yourself as much as she does.
If your date took place further away from where she lived or if she had to go home alone, you can also use SMS or WhatsApp to find out if she made it home safely.
Women crave the classic protective man in dating, so she’ll feel even better with you. This immediately increases your attraction to a relationship a little more!
6. What to write after the first date?
Always be casual and funny. For example, you can tease the woman a little, always joking, of course, and never insulting.
I have already written an article on the best way to write to women using WhatsApp and SMS.
Important: Avoid generic phrases like, “Hey, how was your day?” She gets messages like this from all the guys, and it annoys her to death!
Especially after the first meeting, I recommend enjoying the meeting experiences and conversations. For example, if you sat in a cafe and ate a cake, you could write:
“I’m just thinking about this strawberry cake… My mouth is watering all the time and it’s your fault!”
Firstly, this is a bit cheeky, and secondly, you are referring to an “insider” between the two of you. This creates a sense of familiarity because you are bringing out something about dating that only the two of you can understand.
At the same time, the woman returns to the good mood of the encounter.
7. What you should NOT write after a date
As I said: Avoid messages with confessions of love and praise so you don’t drive the woman away. Even if the courtship went exceptionally well and you even kissed, avoid these personalities.
It’s like a racing car engine.
Even if you crash into the track at 300 km/h – after a day in the parking lot, the engine has cooled down again. Then you have to start the car slowly again, accelerate and drive “hot”.
Consequently, the communication between you must first slowly warm up again. So don’t go straight from zero to 100 in 3.8 seconds, but gradually shift gears!
It also means: Don’t ask for a second date right away, but first create an interesting conversation to rekindle your desire to see him again.
Also, the woman may need a few days to think about it and decide if she wants to meet him again. Give her that time!
8. If the woman responds only briefly and hesitantly
Sometimes it can happen that the chat woman on WhatsApp or SMS is short or takes a long time to respond.
Many men panic here and fear the thing will hit the wall. So they make the mistake of texting the person they love more and more often in order to FINALLY force a reaction.
But those who bombard the woman with text messages in this way become uninteresting and seem very clingy. Girls don’t like that at all and keep their distance!
I have already described here countermeasures, what you can do if the woman hardly or nothing writes back on WhatsApp.
Most importantly, hold on, and don’t text all day! You shouldn’t write a novel for her either, a short text with a maximum of 2 to 3 sentences is enough.
As I said, content is much more decisive – interesting, playful, cheeky, and funny messages are in demand.
9. Chat via WhatsApp/SMS or phone?
Should you write or is it better to call? There is one more strict rule that many men have scrawled on their stone tablets as the Ten Commandments: You have to call once in a while!
The argument of these pseudo-Casanovas: In a phone call you can convey more emotions through the voice or the spoken word, it is simply more personal than a text written via WhatsApp or SMS.
I don’t want to deny it… but there are women who are very shy and are surprised by a sudden phone call.
Remember, when talking on the phone, women are often just as excited as you are and often don’t answer because of uncertainty and excessive demands.
Many men also lack phone wit and acumen because they are still quite nervous about it. You certainly know this situation.
And the end of the story: a conversation like this on the phone is incredibly bumpy and tight because both would have preferred to communicate via SMS or WhatsApp.
So my advice: if you yourself are an insecure communicator and/or the woman seemed shy to you, then listen to your instincts instead of dogmatic rules and use texting!
10. Behave Appropriately When She Rejects You
Of course, it can also happen that she doesn’t answer after the first date, even if you’ve already sent her at least one message.
Or she writes, “Sorry, I don’t think it fits very well between us.”
Do it with a man and carry the rejection with composure – even if you’re already in love. You have no choice but to accept this rejection now and deal with the disappointment.
In no case should you overreact and complain – but I don’t think I need to say that. My blog readers are all nice guys who act like gentlemen.
Be friendly and wish her much success in finding a partner. As the saying goes: you always see each other twice in your life. For your own karma (or ego), it is always best to leave in peace.
11. Asking for a second date – this is how it should be done!
Whether over the phone or via SMS/WhatsApp: If communication is going well and you’re having fun, you can ask for a second date.
Don’t expect too much from this question, or she’ll think you’re an insecure man who doesn’t have the guts to ask.
Where “question” is actually the wrong word. I advise you to do it the easiest way. Instead of sounding like a supplicant, you should just make him a specific suggestion:
“Hey, I’m going to a festival/museum/sports next week… just come, it’s going to be fun for sure!”
This behavior has several advantages. First, you bring a concrete idea and act like a doer who doesn’t play around but knows what to do. Second, you offer her a more exciting date than just sitting in a cafe.
And third, the activity becomes the focus, not your potential partnership. That’s bad you think No, that’s good! Because it takes the pressure off the expectation that “something has to work” right now.
This gives the woman the opportunity to relax and let go… and this relaxation is a prerequisite for indulging in love!